Bound By Words Ch. 9

I couldnt take it!

The boy was driving me mad! It was Sunday and all I could think about was him and what I almost did to him and what he said and what he didnt say and...Ryan! Overall!

I mean, sure, its enough to think about someone a considerable amount, but this was borderline obsessive, which isnt good.

Of course, I didnt exactly wear my anxiety on sleeve. No one could tell, but I was burning up inside.

Headed for the phone, I dialed Ryan's number and waited.

"Hello." Ugh, the disgusting sound of a long-time smoker's voice.

"Hey, Mr. Ross, is Ryan there?"

"Yeah, hang on...RYAN?!"

"What?!?" His stressed voice snapped in the background.

"PHONE!!"

His dad's voice was starting to kill my ears, and when Ryan picked up it was like music.

"Hello?"

I couldnt lose my edge, couldnt get all soft.

"Ryan, we need to talk."

"Brendon?"

"Meet me at the school's back steps."

"Whats this about?" he asked, sounding fed up.

"Dont question, just come."

"Now?"

"Yes, now, dumbass."


I heard the dial tone, meaning that he had another mood swing and was feeling fed up with me now. That was fine, because I was pissed at him, too. Its been a week without one word to me! Not even a 'hello'!

Ripping my hoodie off of the hook near the door, I flipped it on and swung it open, walking through in a storm. There were only a few houses from my place to the school, and I got there as fast as possible, waiting for Ryan.

Tapping my foot expectantly, my arms were crossed, I thought out what I wanted to say.


He turned the corner, looking good as ever with his white hoodie pulled around him and his hair blowing.

"Hey, whats up?"

"Yeah, whats your problem?"

"I dont have a problem, you called me down here-"

"Yeah, because you havent said a fucking word to me all week!"

"SO Ive been hanging out with other people-"

"I just want to know what intirest you had in me before you decided to use me. What was it for? Because for a second there, I thought we were friends."

"Its been a month-"

"Theres no time limit on emotions, Ryan, thats bullshit. You know how shitty I can get to feeling and I mean, not even a word! Even Jon noticed! I mean, I'm just gonna blame it on Spencer, what'd he do, brainwash your skinny ass?"

"Alright first off my ass isnt skinny, there's junk in the fuckin' trunk, alright? I gotta have something to shake. Second off, dont bring Spencer into this, he didnt do anything!"

"Thats what you say. Well we all know youre a compulsive liar, Ryan."

"Yeah, maybe, but Spencer isnt!"

"It takes one to know one!"

"Look, whatever problem you have with me, you better tell me right now so I can take care of it because I ain't gonna put up with this shit."

"My problem? Youre ignorant, selfish, forgetful, absent-minded, trashy, slutty, filthy, dirty, unfaithful, disgusting, and one hell of a bitch!"

"Now whats the Church Of Latter-Day Saints gonna say about you? You're 'bout to get your ass kicked out-"

"I dont care, they can kick me the fuck out! I'm not gay either, alright, so why dont you just shut the fuck up, alright, go play with your high-class girlfriends, your way too good for me."

"I dont have a girlfriend!"

"What?"

"I was lying! I just wanted to look better in front of you!"

"I dont see why, if you knew you were just gonna drop me!"

"I wasnt planning to!"

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because I got shit going on in my life, alright, and I dont have time for you-"

"No, but surely you have time to fuck around with the rich and beautiful-"

"Because they understand-"

"No, but you dont! I could understand, too, if you'd just tell me!"

"I cant!"

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Because why?"

"Just because!"

"Oh, you mean the same 'because' that explains why you wont talk to me, that explains your issues that I'm not good enough to know, that because?"

"No! Look, there are somethings that I really need to tell you but-"

"Then tell me!"

"I cant!"

"Why, you dont trust me?"

"Because!"

"Spit it the fuck out, Ross!"


He backed down, stepping back as he looked down, hair falling in his eyes. "Because I'm not a good person, Brendon. Not for them to know, and not for you to know. I'm not right. And...you...you just..."

"You dont trust me." I concluded, sneering down at him.

"Stop," he snapped. "I just..." and he looked up at me, "Dont you ever get those feelings when youre up against the wall? When you only have two choices, one's the right one and one's the one that you want to take? I'm like that now." And he stepped back up, regaining his venom, "So dont go spittin' shit you dont know nothing about, Urie, youre gonna get your ass kicked."

"Like youre gonna kick my ass." I scoffed in disbelief, pulling an incredulous look.

"Yeah, I will." he replied, gaining.

"Show the fuck up." I challenged.

FUCK!

And that bitch packed a punch so hard that my nose started gushing out blood.

"Damn it!" I yelled, taking off my shirt and pressing it to my face. Underneath, I had a plain white tank top, but so it was alright.

"I'm sorry!" Ryan dropped to his knees next to me, placing one hand on my back and one reached out to help, but I shrugged him off, standing.

"Dont touch me, Ross."

I took off down the sidewalk, leaving him behind.


[[Ryan's POV]]


I fucked everything up. As soon as he was too far to hear/see me, I burst into a crying fit, the sleeves of my hoodie soaking up my tears.

I wanted to tell him so bad! Wanted to let him know how much he meant to me, how much I needed him. How much trouble I was in, with my second friend dead in 2 months, with my drinking problem, with my dad, with my bad 'sleeping around' habit. I needed Brendon, and I couldnt even tell him.

I didnt want to ruin things for him, he could get kicked out of his church, and I know his parents would kill him. My dad would kick my ass, too.

It just...hurts. I wanted him to know so badly I'd give anything, but I couldnt. So I sat there, crying in the empty parking lot by the steps, alone.