Sammy's Fault

  There comes a time in a young man’s life when he finally realizes that every word that comes out of his mouth is absolute and complete bullshit. I stumbled upon this mind boggling discovery while inconspicuously sniffing Sammy’s hair. For the past six months of our friendship I had told myself (and her) that she was nothing but an annoying, square shaped, loud-mouthed, blond bimbo and all she was good for was a laugh. All of it was undeniable truth to me—as long as it was spoken in front of others.

“Zaney!” She squeaked in that high pitched voice that triggered the animalistic urge to kiss her into silence within me. You can’t say blaming instinct isn’t a good excuse. “What are you thinking about now?” There was an exasperated tone in her voice that I didn’t care for so I gave her the worst punishment I could think of.

I flicked her.

“Oww,” she whined excessively, rubbing the red mark I had left on her forehead. I had to grin. It was a pretty good shot. “Why did you do that for?”

Oh boy. It was happening again. Dear ol’ Samantha sure knew how to trigger my animal urge to pounce her. But I wasn’t an animal. I was a man! And as a man it was my duty to resist that plump protruding lower lip and those big innocent brown eyes.

So again, I struck her with the lowest of lowest blows. I flicked her once more.

“That’s what you get for making such a stupid face!” I replied almost instantly, sticking out my chin and wrinkling my brow in case she didn’t get that I was irritated by her incessant annoying adorable charm. “There’s no need to torture the human civilization with that mug. Grow some consideration. Jesus, woman…”

And although I leaned back on my hands, glaring at the sky in my usual disdain I cursed myself for my stupidity. I was definitely the most dim-witted male in the human species.

And it was all Sammy’s fault!