ALex and Yohanna Chapter 4 [PART 2]

   
Chapter 4: part 2                    shopping trip




    By the time we got home it was already seven, I could see Alex’s car in the driveway the side where my car was suppose to be. I thought for a while, I really needed to talk to him about everything that had happened this weekend. I was ready to start with the other foot.
  “You need a ride tomorrow?” Lucy asked looking at the driveway.
    “No, someone owes me,” I said looking at Alex’s car.
    “Ok, then see you tomorrow at school it will be a long day, oh by the way I have you for three classes and lunch awesome isn’t it, I switched your schedule,” she said looking at me.
    “Why?” I asked.
    “We didn’t have any classes together so I switched yours, good thing I deal with all the S’s otherwise it would have been hard to switch your schedule.”
  Lucy was a very trusted office aid, so she helped with the schedules but only with one letter there were more office aids with the same privilege.
    “Don’t worry you have the same classes except that you have them at different times,” Lucy assured me.
  “Thanks I don’t know what I would have done without you there in every class, well almost every.”
  “No need to thank me, its actually the other way around thank you for coming back I am glad that you did I don’t know what I would have done without you,"
  “Well I am glad to be back, and become a Ram again after two years,” I said smiling, Harbor Springs High School was home of the Rams. Even though I didn’t play sports here I did feel like a ram. I played volleyball in California but it wasn’t the same I wasn’t a ram there.
      “I got to go, I need to take these tags of the clothes and put some stuff up,” I kept talking.
      “Yeah well call me if you need anything, love you see you tomorrow,” she replied with a warm smile that made me forget about the world.
  “You know I am glad I have you in my life, you’re the best,” I said to her and it wasn’t a lie she was the best, she would listen to me like Bruce did if I ever told her, and she would probably understand better. So why wouldn’t I tell her?
    I went inside with several bags and headed to the front steps without looking back at Lucy. When I got in the house there was a good smell coming from the kitchen I saw Alex there standing in front of the stove. Why did I have to be hungry when he was around?
  “Hey your back,” he said giving me a warm smile.
  “I wasn’t going to sleep in the store,” I replied.
  “I actually thought you would, and maybe even keep Lucy stuck there with you,” he said serious.
  Why was he saying this? It made me angry to hear him talking about Lucy; it wasn’t any of his business or was it?
  “Yeah well, some girl named Jessica asked me to say hi to you for her, so hi,” I said pointing out the last word.
  He smiled and shook his head his hair was short but it still moved with his head.
    “Never thought you would do them a favor,” he said still shaking his head.
  “I guess everyone is full of surprises,” I looked away from him.
  “Guess everyone is...Are you hungry?” he asked changing the subject.
  “Yeah, are you offering me some food?” I asked back.
  “No I was hoping you would say no like you always do to anything I say,” he said.
  “You know I don’t get you, sometimes you’re mad at me or angry and then sometimes you try to make me laugh, what is wrong with you?” I asked curious now.
  “Guess were two now, aren’t we, because you do the same to me first you say something and next thing you know you wake up with a guy in your room,” he said yelling.
  What did he mean? I never told him anything. I was sure he knew enough of my life to have to tell him something else. And what did he mean about waking up with a guy in my room. Suddenly everything clicked, he had heard everything I had said to Bruce in the beach, he had been surprise to see Bruce in my room in the morning not that he didn’t know Bruce had stayed, I was sure he did but Bruce and I looked as if we had spent a passionate night. The way I wouldn’t let him go when he tried to get up, and the way he stayed with me through out breakfast as if to keep me away from Alex.
  “You had no right to say that, Bruce is just a friend my friend,” I was fighting back tears “why would you listen to me, it was private,” I was yelling as I ran to my room.
  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
  I slammed the door behind me and locked it. I was so mad I was crying so loud I was sure he could hear my sobs. I didn’t want him to find out, and if he did find out I didn’t want to know that he knew. That was the reason I didn’t want to hear the answer back at the car when Bruce and him were talking. Why had he told me that? It hurt so bad that he knew, I just couldn’t get the images of my head the men touching me, I felt dirty.
  “Open the door!” he yelled over my cry “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
    He was banging the door now, but I couldn’t hear him I could only hear myself telling the men to get away from me to leave me alone, I could see the whole thing again as if I was dreaming I could see it replaying in my head over and over again. I backed down to the furthest corner from the door the black door that blocked him from coming in to save me from my thoughts. I looked at my room at the hot pink walls and yelled even louder.
  “Please don’t hurt me, I won’t say anything I promise, just let me go,” I was whispering in my thoughts.
  In that moment my door cracked and it opened, he came rushing to me, and held me tight. I was crying I didn’t mind him there he had cleared my thoughts I could only see myself at the beach now no one else around not even the men in my dreams.
  “They wouldn’t stoooop!” I yelled at Alex “they wouldn’t let me go, I promise you that I didn’t tempt them they just came to me, they raped me Alex, I was alone and they raped me.”
    I sobbed and cried in his arms, I could feel him trembling while he held me.
  “Why wouldn’t they stop?” I asked him with a curios face.
    “I said I wouldn’t say anything, why would they hurt me? They just left they don’t even know what they left behind they don’t know about the memory they left me with” I said again but he didn’t speak he just let me cry for half an hour in his arms. He didn’t know what I was talking about, and he would never know.
    “It’s over now,” he assured me “and I am truly sorry I made you think about that night again.”
    I just kept crying and didn’t stop not even when he got up to fix my door. Turned out the lock wasn’t as safe as I though it was, at least not for him.
    “You want to eat?” he asked.
    “No I don’t want anything from you I don’t want anything from any guy,” I shouted back at him.
  And I started to shake again, I just couldn’t help it and the thoughts came back.
  “No, don’t hurt me please, I won’t say anything I promise,” I whispered to the men in my thoughts again.
  I kept trying to get away from them but the wall wouldn’t let me it blocked me from running, just like the alley had that night. Alex came back to me closing the door behind him.
  “It’s okay,” he said pulling me towards his arms.
  “No don’t hurt me,” I said and everything looked real now.
  He didn’t look like someone my age or even close, he looked like the men from that night, he was them I thought, as I tried to go further back but again the wall wouldn’t let me. I turned my head to the wall just like I had that same day in the alley only that time I was facing a rough building.
  “Don’t touch me, I promise I won’t tell Aunt Clara,” I assured Alex.
  He looked at me in amazement.
  “You think I’m going to rape you?” he asked now angry.
  “Why did you close the door?” I asked trying to spare some time to think.
  “I don’t know, I don’t want Aunt Clara to see you like this, I don’t think she knows if she did she wouldn’t leave you alone.”
  “You won’t hurt me right? Please don’t hurt me, I already told you I won’t tell her,” I shrieked, I couldn’t help but feel helpless.
    I looked at Alex he still stood in the same place he didn’t move any further.
  “Is this why you don’t like me? You think I’m going o rape you? That’s why you had Bruce stay last night wasn’t it?”
  “Yes,” I whispered “please don’t do it, I will do anything you want but don’t hurt me,” I was still begging him but now I was on my knees.
  “Don’t do that, I am not going to hurt you I already told you that,” he was now looking at my eyes “please don’t cry, that hurts me.”
    Everything started to fade away. I could still see him he was there waiting for me to fall asleep. Was he going to rape me? Was he waiting for me to sleep to do it? Will he hurt me the way they did? I finally felt his arms around my body and then he lifted me up.
  “You look even prettier asleep,” he said.
  If he thought I was asleep then he was wrong, I would fight back if I had to. He set my gently in my bed and stayed with me for a while. I didn’t want to fall asleep but I still had my eyes closed just incase. He looked at me for a long time it had probably been an hour, but he was still there.
  “You are so fragile,” he started “why would you think I would hurt you? That is the last thing I would do.”
  I heard everyone one of his words, and they were sincere I knew they were. He didn’t want to hurt me he wanted to help me.
  “It hurts that you think like that about me you know, if only you could hear me but I guess that doesn’t matter since you wouldn’t believe me anyways,” he continued to talk to me his voice so gentle as if not wanting me to hear even though he was sure I was asleep.
    “Goodnight for now, beautiful I’ll see you tomorrow,” he chuckled “you probably wont remember anything tomorrow.”
    He was getting up from the floor where he’d been sitting and without noticing I grabbed his arm and very quietly whispered “stay I’m scared, they’re coming back I know it.”
  “Don’t worry I will be here to protect you, no one will hurt you as long as I am here…I promise,” he whispered in my ear.
  “Thank you, if I ever acted like a jerk I really am sorry and if I do act like a jerk later on then sorry again,” I said loud enough for him to hear me.
    “it hurts you know, that you think that way of me, it hurts more than anything that has ever happened to me, even more than my parents fighting and that is hard to beat.”
  “Yes I know,” I said tilting my head to his chest almost hanging from my bead.
  He got on my bed and held me there; he was trying to make me feel comfortable.
  “Go to sleep,” he commanded and somehow I did.