CSI Orion Nebula

Detective Chirpnopod opened a book and prepared to take some notes. A trail of slime could be seen weaving in and out of the apartment’s rooms. It ended at the base of the detective. There could be no doubt about its source.

“Tell me again what happened,” he said to the female in front of him.

She looked down at the mess the detective had made, wondering briefly who was going to clean it up.

“It all started yesterday when my poor Gildersplat, Jove rest his soul, accidentally sat down on his eyeglasses. The proctologist was able to remove them from his jonkular but they had been damaged beyond repair. We ordered some new ones but they won’t be here for another week. At those prices, you’d think the service down there…”

“Ma’am, just the facts please,” interrupted the detective. It had been a long night already.

“Anyway, about an hour ago, Gildersplat decided to clean his ray-gun. I don’t know why. Hunting season doesn’t start for another month. He considers himself to be the greatest of all hunters. You should see what he brings home; burnt to a crisp every time. Last year he even…”

“Ma’am, please,” he could feel the urge to shoot her on the spot welling up inside.

“Okay, okay. So anyway, he sets his ray-gun down and goes into the bathroom. A minute later, his cell starts ringing. Those things drive me…”

“Ma’am,” he said fingering his weapon.

“Gildersplat comes running out of the bathroom,” she said quickly, noticing the detective’s unrest, “and reaches for his cell but accidentally picks up the ray-gun, sticks it in his ear and gels himself.”

Having spent only ten minutes with this female, the detective concluded that Gildersplat had gelled himself on purpose; a mercy killing. Case closed.

Word count 299


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