Abby and Bert

Abby:          Oh for Christ’s sake!

Bert:          What do you mean? I did it didn’t I?

Abby:          No you did not do it.

Bert:          I ate it! I got it down.

Abby:          I said you couldn’t keep it down and you didn’t. You threw up all over my shoes.

Bert:          Well, I’m sorry about that. But anyway I did so keep it down for a minute.

Abby:          Did not.

Bert:          Did.

Abby:          Did not. Look at this mess.

Bert:          Well what did you expect? It was dog food for Christ sake.

Abby:          So? It was chunky chicken stew- practically a gourmet meal.

Bert:          Gourmet my ass. It’s dog food. It tasted like dog food.

Abby:          How would you know? You didn’t keep it down long enough to taste it.

Bert:          I tasted it all right. You should taste it.

Abby:          Why should I? It was your idea.

Bert:          Well somebody around here has to have an idea. We’re gonna starve otherwise.

Abby:          Yeah, I know.

Bert:          It was a good idea. Lots of people eat pet food. I read it somewhere.

Abby:          Poor people eat pet food.

Bert:          I’m telling you, really.

Abby:          Really.

Bert:           But not this kind.

Abby:          You would think when it’s called gourmet chicken stew at least it would be decent.

Bert:          Maybe it’s some other brand.

Abby:          You think so? You want to try it to find out?

Bert:          Just wait a minute and let’s think about this.

Abby:          Yeah?

Bert:          Yeah, maybe it’s cat food that poor people eat. Maybe tuna. You know, tuna fish. That would be pretty safe.

Abby:          Do you think?

Bert:          I don’t know, but jeez. Dog food sucks.

Abby:          I believe you.

Bert:          Really it does.

Abby:          I believe you.

Bert:          I know.

Abby:          Maybe you’re right.

Bert:          What am I right about?

Abby:          About the tuna fish.

Bert:          Oh.

Abby:          Want to try some?

Bert:          Hell.

Abby:          How much money do we have?

Bert:          Shit I hate this.

Abby:          How much?

Bert:          We have a couple of dollars. Some change.

Abby:          That’s all we have?

Bert:          It’s enough to buy some cat food.

Abby:          I’d rather have a donut.

Bert:          I know. But a donut has no protein. We need some protein. Make it a few more days until the check comes.

Abby:          A few more days.

Bert:          Protein.

Abby:          I’m hungry, Bert.

Bert:          I know, honey.

Abby:          Protein?

Bert:          Protein.