in between the light and darkness

In between the light and the darkness

You always said that i had no emotions someone who wouldn't let anybody in
whether it being family,friend,or enemy i couldn't let anybody in.

This is not how i intended things to be, i wanted to be with people
that shined in the light however i was to suffer the dark within.

I could not understand why people were trying to take my hand
and guiding me into unknown territory of this happy go lucky bullshit that i could never understand.

not being strong enough i would run and sin and try to forget that there are those out there that don't pretend.

my mind went straight into a defensive mode i couldn't let anybody
look into my soul and see the pure hatred that i built out of my own demons
for so many years.

Betrayal,Greed,Lust,lonlyness this is what was meant to be of me.

In my mind i could care less for the people around me, all judging me on my
intelligence,my manners and even my speech or even when tears were cascading down my cheeks.

However this was not always the case as i had bin brought up unto love and to
respect all those around me. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
I tried that a few times but got the cold shoulder and told to get lost you freak.

My mind snapped,my whole world torn apart is this the way to treat others
surely not.

Time had gone by so quick before i new it i was aged 18. It was a time i met someone whom i tried to blend with.

I decided to give this stranger the benefit of the doubt
i didn't no you and you didn't no me could she be the person to set me free?

Dates were a plenty and i was having a good time, with you staring at me looking into
my eyes. Trying to find my dark hidden secret that i so badly wished to have exiled and because of that
so many times i looked away with a fake smile

We stayed with each other for many years watching each other trying to learn from one another
to see if there was that magical spark that you see so often in the movies or so i thought.

But alas i still could not find light and was still in the dark,you had left me because you 2 was in the dark.
Failure seemed to be a natural around me anything i did would only backfire and sting like a bullet that
would forever be infected and never heal.

I am now alone with so many thoughts running through my head why could i just not let go of this relentless
agonising pain that i have had.

You always said to me that writing was my passion another way to talk to another or perhaps you meant this was my only
chance to save myself from doing any harm.

So now i am in the same position i have always been,but i must say that there was a time where i was shown a different road
a road that once you walk down you can be saved by someone who has the strength to show you the light that you was once in.

Until that day where i can be free the only place i shall be is in between the light and the darkness, waiting for me to cast away my fears
and then i shall be able to return to the light and with you my calipso or perhaps that is now but a dream.