Behind the Bus Seat

They looked like friends, standing before the deputy in his office. He had caught them throwing water balloons from the girls’ bathroom. Jennifer was not sure until he began to speak and then, upon hearing his tone, she breathed a sigh of relief. They were not in very big trouble; her father would not have to know. Jennifer felt it safe to sneak a glance at the girls to her right. Although Lisa looked fine, Sam looked petrified; no doubt this must be the first time that little goody-goody was in trouble. It was almost amusing, the expression on Sam’s face, and Jennifer thought she might have laughed out loud if they weren’t in the presence of the deputy for bad - but only mildly bad - behaviour. In the end, he gave no formal punishment but merely asked them, without even taking down their names, to report back to him the next day.

“What’s the time?” Jennifer asked while they were walking on the path to the bus strip. The buses had all gone and most of the students had left the grounds now, all too eager to go once the last bell had rung.

Sam was the only one of them that carried a watch. She glanced at her left wrist.
“Three-fifteen,” she replied.

“Shit!” Jennifer cried. “My dad is going to kill me. If he’s gone by the time I get there…” she sent a murderous glance Sam’s way.

Lisa looked concerned but Sam merely shrugged, “Why don’t you just tell him we got held back because we wanted to ask the teacher some questions?”

Her response surprised Jennifer; it was only because that was something she would never have thought of to do. For Sam, something like that came natural, she wasn’t the smartest person in the class for nothing, she wasn’t a total geek for nothing either.

“We’ll walk with you,” Sam suggested, “And if he looks dubious, we’ll back you up.”

Dubious? Who really said words like that anyway? Yet it might just work. Sam looked like such a serious girl that adults never suspected her of any wrongdoing. It was even probably the reason they got off so lightly with Murphy. If it was just her with Murphy… well, he knew she arrived at Thorney high school with the suspension over her head; she suspected he kept a close watch on her.

They had turned out of the gate to the school street now. She could see her father’s white van in the near distance. He stood against a panel, uncertainty waiting on his face. She told him Sam’s excuse, nodding in the girl’s direction as she spoke in Vietnamese. She saw him glance in the direction of Sam and Lisa and the consequent relief that washed over his face. As he turned around to the driver’s seat, Jennifer spontaneously gave both Sam and Lisa a hug.

“You guys are the best,” she whispered with a wink to them, “You saved my life!” Their faces lit up with a sudden importance, praise for a trick well done. But Jennifer’s gratitude was light; by the time the van reached the corner of the street, she had forgotten.

For the two girls, who did not have any after school curfew, Jennifer’s words and last look were treasured, especially by Sam. Jennifer was so beautiful, with her exquisite face and bright, dark eyes. Her hair was a curtain of black, brown and gold tresses. Sam wanted to be Jennifer’s friend just so she could stare at her beauty. She had been the first, a few months ago when Jennifer was new to the school, to offer a friendship but the offer had not been accepted. Sam was not good enough. There were too many wrong ingredients; she still looked like a child, her shy and awkward manner, and her high position with teachers – all these factors did not sit well at a time when hormones stirred with rebellion ruled against the authority of parent and teacher.


* * *

Sam was asked to show Jennifer around. They had enrolled Jennifer in this morning, and they wanted someone who would be a good influence, knowing the circumstances despite which Jennifer had been accepted. Mrs Carniato, the Year Seven P.E. missus, had made the choice. Sam was not an enthusiastic PE student. Not, and never, would she be a good sports student. Yet she was the first person Carniato thought of, when they explained the situation around Jennifer.

Maybe it was because Sam came across to her as a model of schoolgirl obedience. She even worried about the girl’s innocence and debated the decision in her head. She could not help but worry that Sam would not be enough. But Carniato, once having made her decision, did not trouble herself to think it through further. She had a classroom of students to supervise and above all, she knew Sop was a girl of good, if somewhat timid, character.

“So, are you new here?” Sam began shyly as they left the classroom, beginning the tour of the school Sam had been instructed to give.

“Yeah.”

Jennifer thought it was a dumb question. It was a habit Sam would never manage to grow out of. She used obliquity as an ice breaker, and now that it had done its task, Sam felt more confident. She had the natural and good-natured arrogance of someone who was used to being the smartest student in her class.

Sam did not feel as if she had any real friends. Up until the last year of primary school, making friends had never been an issue for her. Everyone clamored to be friends with her because she was the smartest girl in the class. In the second half of the last year of primary school though, Sam felt a change in the air. Linda, the prettiest girl in the class, was the first to have a boyfriend and suddenly she was the centre of attention, not Sam. The few girls who had secretly never liked Sam in the first place were only too happy that something else had emerged for them to claim importance to. There was a wall, filling like water, closing in between her and old friends she once felt comfortable around. She was forced to make a choice, and it was the wrong one.

She chose her current friends, Jane and Agheare, because they, like her, seemed to possess the same respect for academia. She assumed they would be better people for it. Sam soon discovered that Agheare possessed no real understanding of the concepts of loyalty and friendship. Sam never suspected that once she gave her full friendship to Agheare, the girl would stamp on it like a submission of ego instead of treasuring it like a gift.

The other day, at lunchtime, they forgot about her and went off by themselves. She wandered the school yard looking for them, self conscious of the large groups around her. Some of them were her classmates but she did not belong with them. They would notice her, and recognize her pitiable lone state, and might even make a comment amongst themselves, but minutes later they would forget. Sam was painfully aware that she was easily forgettable and it made her feel frustrated and lonelier than ever.

It was too late for Sam to go back to her old classmates. She stuck around Jane and Agheare in lunch time and within the classrooms but she began to resent them.

So Sam was a quite a lonely girl, those first months of the school year. She longed for a best friend, her head was full of ideas of what this best friend would be like, and she saw in Jennifer only what she wanted to see.

Sam’s first impression of Jennifer was a good-natured one; she interpreted being the one to take Jennifer around as a gift from the gods, a best friend fallen directly into her lap so she never considered the possibility that Jennifer could be anything other than the warm, good-natured character that, so far, only existed in Sam’s mind.

Jennifer’s hair looked mostly black, and pulled back into a half-pony tail. Her eyes were bright, black and severe – the severity puzzled Sam for a minute but with her little experience of people she brushed it aside.

Jennifer was pale with a facial complexion Sam thought was almost rather uneven, with little holes like tiny craters in the skin. Jennifer looked like a normal girl; for months afterwards, Sam would wonder why she didn’t notice Jennifer’s prettiness that first day.

“That’s the Bini-Shell,” Sam pointed out the high school’s landmark, “We have our concerts and awards ceremonies there. Sometimes we do sport in there too. But during lunchtimes it’s out-of-bounds.”

Out of courtesy Jennifer’s eyes averted to the white semi-dome, but it did not interest her in the least.

“I feel a bit sad that it’s out of bounds,” Sam kept chatting, “When we came here last year for orientation I saw some older kids standing on the grass over there and I thought how exciting high school was going to be and how one day I’d be just like them.”

“Why were you sad?” asked Jennifer, thinking Sam was the weirdest girl she had ever come across.

“Because the area is out of bounds. I can’t hang out here during lunchtimes,” she said dreamily. How to put in words a world constructed in childhood of promises and ideas of high school life; promises that she’d be the editor of the school newspaper, a first boyfriend by the age of thirteen, would graduate each year at the top of her class, a strong sports culture sitting in the grandstand lit up by the night field. Sam was in a race against time and she was confident she would be the winner but she would underestimate her opponent. All she had at her aid were fictions of American teenage life and she soon learned that what they portrayed was in large contrast to the indifference inherent in the practical Australian state system.

Jennifer would later become one of those people who were always ahead of the trends. On that first day, she wore elegant brown hiking boots instead of the plain brown lace ups they were allowed to wear. Fearing Jennifer would get in trouble for them, Sam said to her

“I don’t think you’re allowed to wear boots.”

Jennifer stared Sam as if she were growing a third eye. “Oh really?” she said, “Well, these are the only brown shoes I have.”

Money had never been plenty in Sam’s home but her parents always made sure they bought what was required for their children’s schooling, “Can’t you just buy some new shoes?”

“I don’t want to. Anyway, it’s just shoes. Who’s going to say anything?”

Sam said nothing more. She heard the irritation in Jennifer’s tone. Into the year, when all the girls started to wear boots like Jennifer, Sam would buy a pair herself but she would always remember her words to Jennifer and feel embarrassed about it then, hiding her boots under her pant legs most of the time.

Up to now, Sam was not phased by Jennifer’s indifference because she did not see it. She continued to chat easily to Jennifer and soon discovered they had a common acquaintance.

“So what high school do you come from?” Sam asked.

“Bossley Park,” replied Jennifer.

“Oh, do you know a guy named Maxim that goes there?” Sam said excitedly.

For the first time, Jennifer showed a glimpse of interest in their conversation. “Yeah I do, he’s one of my friends.” Sam was a bit puzzled by this, she would never have suspected Sam to be someone who was friends with a guy like Maxim. He lost his virginity when he was eleven. Maybe her assessment of Sam was wrong and in fear of this, wondered whether she should try to be more friendly towards Sam.

“I’ll tell you something about Maxim but you can’t say anything to anyone?” says Sam.

“Okay,” Jennifer says quickly.

“Did you know he’s hasn’t got an arse …” Sam here hesitated before continuing, “An arsehole? He carries a plastic bag around his side.”

Jennifer suspected this but she did not know for sure and Maxim refused to confirm it to her. “Yeah,” she says, “Maxim’s got no bum-hole!” Jennifer peals with laughter at this and the two of them share a chuckle. They feel closer after this, as if the shared laughter has created a bond.

The truth was that Sam knew Maxim because of family links. She knew him because of a camping session over the past summer. Although they were the same age in school, Maxim had seemed so much older, his body had already broadened. During that summer he had managed to lock himself in a van with a girl who was visiting from Melbourne. Sam remembered the excitement as the girl related the events to her about how her first French kiss felt like. Sam felt a twinge of jealousy but mostly amusement. Sam did not want to be kissed by him. He had an anarectal malformation known as an imperforate anus and was required to carry a plastic bag wrapped around his side. Sam could not help but find this repulsive and could not understand the attraction girls felt for him. She only wanted her first kiss too, but was content to wait for a more worthy candidate.

Sam saw it as her duty to educate Jennifer on the social structure of the grade. Her understanding of it was purely theoretical, glimpses of knowledge taken from books about high school and the conversations she overhead from older girls. She described the girls in her class, including Linda, and the boys and what primary schools they came from. When she reached Agheare and Jane, Sam hesitated at first. With a quick calculation in her mind and the assumption that Jennifer would be her new bosom buddy, she said:

“Agheare, she’s a geek. Jane is too.”

Sop was fascinated with the concept of geeks and popularity but she had no real desire to participate in the game. She was content to be a bystander to the scene. When informing Jennifer of her friends’ social stances, she little realized how easily she would have been placed in the same category as them by someone as worldly as Jennifer.

If she hangs around geeks, Jennifer would think, then she must be one too.

Sam showed Jennifer where all the girls’ toilets were located, the canteen, the library. Jennifer rolled her eyes but Sam did not see it. She swore that if she had to ever take someone around the school like what Sam was doing for her, she wouldn’t be that boring. She’d probably just take them to one of the toilets or out of bounds areas and have a smoke, something she was dying for now.

There wasn’t much left to go. “We have to go to afternoon roll call,” Sam announced as a bell rung. Afternoon Roll Call saw all students gathered in one of the blocks, organized by class, in two rows, one front and one back.

Jennifer noticed Sam stood straight and silent during the formality. She also noticed the other girls in the class did not really speak to her. At the end of it, Sam came back to her again.

“I take the bus home, do you?” she asked with a friendly smile.

Well, Jennifer had to get home someway or other. It would be only for today anyway. “Yeah, I live down Canley Vale road,” she said.

Sam beamed. Jennifer even lived close to her. It was a good sign. “Well, I take the same bus. Let me show you which one it is.”

They sat next to each other on the bus, three quarters down the aisle. Jennifer sighs and says, “I miss Phong.” She is rummaging through her bag, looking for something.

‘Who is Phong?” Sam asks. Jennifer smiles at her for this, as if she were expecting the question.

‘Phong is my boyfriend,” Jennifer says proudly as she withdrew from her schoolbag a thick black permanent marker. She uncapped the marker and then proceeded to scribble on the back of the bus seat in front of them while Sam watched in horror as ‘I love Phong’ and “Life sux’ was scrawled ominously upon the clean plastic surface.

Sam was witnessing graffiti, that ugly scrawl often seen on public toilet walls. She had been taught that graffiti was wrong and bad. In childhood she understood the ugliness of it, had seen the inconvenience it caused to the unfortunate people who made their living scrubbing it away from the otherwise bare walls.

Now Sam knew how the graffiti got there. She felt uncomfortable. Jennifer was reveling in Sam’s state of discomfort and awkwardness and she smiled at Sam, as if daring her to say something. Sam did not say anything. In the next few months, she learned a new dimension to graffiti; learned that not only was it acceptable to the adolescent world but encouraged. But for the moment, Jennifer’s act had tested and measured her and Jennifer was satisfied with what she had gleaned of Sam’s character. A smug smile was placed on Jennifer’s face the rest of the bus ride home. Sam’s bus stop arrived earlier than Jennifer’s, and Sam told her that she would see her tomorrow.

“See you,” Jennifer was smiling, that smug satisfaction still present on her face, but she did not mean the words she said.

The next day was Friday. First period class was history. History was a neat, brown room with colourless scenes of war taped to three walls. The tables and chairs were arranged in groups of six so students who had friends could sit with them. Those who didn’t felt like they were swimming in a sea of tables and chairs.

Sam liked to come in at the bell. Before the bell, she had no reason to be there. It only reminded her that she did not belong. But at the bell, or later, there was a reason why she did not belong – she simply did not have the time. Even the prospect of a new companion could not eliminate this habit, weeks old.

She did not know what she was expecting when she stepped into History. Ideally, Sam would have been able to deal with Jennifer waiting hesitantly outside the room for Sam to take her under wing.

Sam did not expect to find Jennifer sitting at the same table as the girls in the popular crowd. Sam stopped at the door. She wanted to wave at Jennifer, greet her, say hello. She was unable to because she did not belong with these girls.

Most of the guys in the class could not keep their eyes off Jennifer. Her hair was out; you could see the strands of brown and gold in it.

“Wow,” Rob whistled “She’s gorgeous.” Sam knew that Rob did not normally like Asian girls. Sam felt like a fool. How did she not see Jennifer’s beauty? Everyone around her seemed gobsmacked by the new girl. There was too many of them. They could not be wrong. She was the one who had to be wrong.

Jennifer saw Sam as she came in. Jennifer did not smile. She knew Sam would not come over. Jennifers’s eyes told Sam all that was needed to know – “I’d rather sit with these girls because you’re just a geek.” There was a social barrier preventing Sam from coming over and that was exactly what Jennifer wanted.

For the first time since high school started, Sam felt like she wanted to be in that crowd. She wanted the approval of Jennifer, instead of this blatant social rejection, which the rest of the class would acknowledge and follow suit. Sam was no longer content to watch society from the outskirts; the rejection hurt too much, all she wanted now was to fit in and be accepted.

* * *

The water balloon affair was several weeks afterwards.

In the past few weeks since Jennifer’s arrival, Sam tried to undergo a major change. She still hung around with Agheare and Jane in class but out of class, she began to be friendly with other girls. Lisa was one of them. They were not the prettiest or popular girls but they were more integrated with the rest of the groups. Some of the girls tried to be tarts, flirting with the boys. Sam was not this yet; she could not even talk to a boy without blushing but she felt safe to participate when the other girls started to throw water balloons at the cutest boy and his friends in their Year Seven grade. It was Lisa, Linda and Jennifer. Linda left earliest; she had a new boyfriend and after splashing him with a big water balloon, went with him so he could walk her home. Then, it was just Sam with Lisa and Jennifer. She wished Jennifer wanted to be her friend but Jennifer didn’t.

It was the afternoon of the day after they had met with the deputy. Roll call had just finished. Sam came over to Jennifer.

“Shouldn’t we report to Murphy’s office?” Sam said tentatively, “That’s what he said.”
“Don’t be so stupid Sam,” Jennifer burst, “You don’t need to go. That’s just stupid.”

Jennifer looked at Sam incredulously. Did she not understand that what Murphy had given them was a warning? Of course not; Sam was just an idiot who did not get into trouble and Murphy was used to dealing with trouble makers who were smart enough to read his words for what they meant, not merely just what they said.