The Attic

The Attic had always been off limits. As long as Sarah could remember, Nan and Pa had basically barricaded their grandchild from entering the Attic.
         
         'Oh, you don't want to go up there, honey. There's nothing but rubbish.' As Nan would put it, Attics were to children as apples are to oranges. They simply don't mix. Sarah never really understood this, and, for the most part dismissed this seemingly useless metaphor as 'rubbish'. But as Sarah grew older and moved out of her parents house, and into her Nan's home, Sarah began to wonder just what was hiding in that Attic upstairs. With each passing day, Sarah would stare at the Attic door and think.
So, when Nan went out to Wednesday night Bingo with the ladies from Church, Sarah gradually wandered to the bottom of the stairs, and reached for an old step-ladder. She quickly and quietly walked to the corner of the hallway, and stopped. There it was. The Attic was in reach. Sarah could almost taste the Attic now. Sarah darted from her stance, and hastily setup the step-ladder. She climbed it, and then suddenly stopped.

         Sarah had only lived in her parents house, and here, her Nan's home. She had never once been in either Attics. Sarah had absolutely no idea what to expect.

         She stood on the stepladder for what seemed an eternity, and for a moment, it was. Sarah pulled the creaky hinge and let the dust fall around her. The stairs unfolded its body to the awaiting floorboards beneath. Sarah peered into the strange world that lay before her. All she could see was blackness and a seemingly endless river of nothing. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but there wasn't anything she could find to say.
         
         The thought of what could be in the blackness frightened her, terrified her. Sarah was standing on a stepladder, alone, and looking into a new world. Sarah's lower lip began to quiver as the tears came streaming down her face. Her eyes watered and her knees buckled ever so slightly. Sarah admitted to herself quietly that today wasn't the day to venture into the new world just quite yet.

         Days, weeks, and months past and before long, it had already been a year and two months since Sarah's encounter with the attic. In that year and two months, Sarah had moved away from the only home that she knew. She lived with some friends of hers from the many schools she attended. About three weeks before Sarah was about to move out, Sarah left for France for a school trip. The only thing was, Pa had passed away from cancer while Sarah was away. She had no idea of her Pa's condition. Nan said she knew of it before Sarah had left. Why didn't they tell her? Why didn't they say anything before she left for the airport? Anything? At all?

         As the viewing of the body drew nearer, Nan began to cry. She saw the man she had spent her entire life with in a coffin, alone. They were high school sweethearts, and Sarah always saw the twinkle in their eyes when they were with each other. They were always so happy together. Sarah didn't know how Nan would take it. She didn't know if Nan would be able to handle the feeling of being on her own. She reached out and grabbed Nan's hand, and clasped it within her own. They cried together, and they wept together.

         On the way home, Nan asked Sarah if she would like to do her a favor.

         “Yeah, sure Nan, anything you want.” She replied.

         “I need your help cleaning out the Attic.” Nan said quietly.
         
         If there was anything else Nan had been asking for, Sarah would have taken that instead. But, Sarah grit her teeth and simply said:

         “Whatever you want, Nan.”

         It was a silent drive back home. Sarah did not look at Nan on the way into the house, and Nan did not spare a dry eye for Sarah. She didn't really know why Nan was crying, because Sarah had never really lost anyone close to her. Pa had just passed, but the two of them were never the best of buds. Not to say they weren't family, but they never really clicked. Whenever Sarah looked at Nan leaning over the sink, looking into the yard at nothing, she wondered about might be going through her mind.

         The next day, around midday, Sarah got out her painters clothing, and headed to the cupboard under the stairs. She got out the stepladder that had almost got her into the attic those many days ago. She opened it up, and set it up under the door. She grabbed at the pull-string, and let the stairs unfold and fall into place. Once again, the nothingness opened its mouth, and spewed the dark unknown into Sarah's face. She looked on into the attic, and stopped short. Nan said there would be a string for the light switch, but all Sarah could see was nothing. She groped around for the string, and eventually pulled it. The bulb flickered once, then again. The light cast strange shadows that shot to every corner in the tiny room.

         There were boxes upon boxes, and dusty canvas' stacked up against the wall. An old coat rack held a single moth-eaten coat in the far back corner. As Sarah ventured into this new world, She noticed a small window towards the end of the long hallway. She went towards it, and pulled off the blanket covering it. At once, Sarah and the attic were shown to a new light, and her eyes were opened. She understood why Nan didn't go up here very often. There were old things from their past that they didn't really want to be reminded of. Pa's old war medals and Nan's photographs of the old country during the war were neatly placed in two small separate boxes next to each other.  Old scars that were long healed for Nan and Pa seemed to jump out at Sarah. As Sarah rifled through the pictures and the medals, she suddenly began live through the war, and everything else that was bad that had happened to Nan and Pa. Sarah put the photos and the medals down gently, and went through one of the boxes that lay nearby.  Sarah had a new outlook on life because she now realized to a degree what her own grandparents had actually lived through. The box was very old and dusty. She looked through the box, and found one faded photo in particular. The photo itself was very musty and had a corner ripped at an odd angle. The color seemed to have faded out, to where the only tint left was a hue of yellow.

         It's what Sarah saw in the picture what caught her eye. She recognized the man on the right as her grandfather, her Pa, but the other man, she did not know. They were shaking hands, and had the biggest grins on their faces. Sarah picked up the photograph, careful not to break the fragile frame, and brought it downstairs, not taking a single eye off of it. As she descended the steps out of the attic, she looked up to the one who knew her Pa the best.

         Nan was sipping some tea at the kitchen table. There was something about her, but Sarah could not place it. She was looking out the kitchen window, off into some distant land that only she could see.
She did not seem startled when Sarah entered the kitchen. She simply looked up to Sarah as if she was expecting her.
         
         Sarah had to know, who was this other man? Sarah could easily name off every one of Pa's friends, but this one, she didn't have a clue.

         “Nan, who is this in this picture?” Sarah asked.

         “Let me see, dear.” Sarah handed the picture carefully to Nan. Nan looked at the picture for a moment, then looked back up at Sarah.

         “This is a very old friend of your grandfather's. I believe his name was Gerald, or maybe Harold. Oh, what was his name? Howard! Yes! Thats it! Howard! He worked with your grandfather in the auto plant for years and years, and eventually your grandfather had to leave because of his leg, but they were the best of friends.” Sarah watched as Nan delved back into the past. She watched as that twinkle came back. Nan grinned a grin as though she had just re-met with an old friend after many years.
         
         After a moment of silence, then Sarah spoke softly to Nan.

         “Nan, whatever happened to him?”

         “Oh, Howard got cancer, and -,” She said through subtle, broken sobs, “he died when he was about 67 or so. But that was years and years ago.” Nan looked down into her hands and the picture frame. A single tear fell and onto the picture. Nan rubbed it off with her thumb discretely, and looked at it one last time before putting it on the kitchen table beside her picture of Pa at the beach.
         
         As Sarah watched Nan recall her life, her marriage to this man, Sarah put her hand on Nan's shoulder and sat beside her.

         “We'll get through this, Nan.” Sarah said quietly.

         “I know. I know we will, Sarah.” Nan whispered with a sigh. They held hands for a moment and then Sarah gently squeezed Nan's hand twice and gently, slowly let go of Nan.

         It had been almost three years past since Pa's funeral, and every weekend, Sarah would visit Nan in her home, and Nan would put on dinner and the pair of them would eat together. As Nan would watch her granddaughter become more of a woman, she had, in her own mind, accomplished more than she could ever even comprehend. Every time Nan would try to tell her how proud she was of her, Nan would choke up a little on the inside, and just look away.

         Sarah just turned nineteen, and is off to Chatham University in Pennsylvania in under an hour. As Sarah returned to her Home for one last visit before she left, Nan sat Sarah down at the kitchen table.

         ''So, I guess your leaving, then, right?'' Nan said quietly.

         '' Yeah. Listen, I'll be here, I'll visit as often as I can-.'' Sarah started.

         ''No. I've kept you here long enough. I feel like I've been holding you here because I was lonely. Your all grown up now, and you need to live your life the way that you want it, not my way.'' Nan only stared at the floor, and at the ceiling, never directly in her eyes.

         ''Nan, please, I want to come back here. This is my home. This is my life. Yes, I'm going off to school, but I'll be back soon.'' Sarah said to her.

         Nan reached out for a hug, and Sarah gave one to her. They embraced for a short moment, until the taxi beeped its horn outside.

         '' I have to go, Nan.''

         '' I know.'' Nan said quietly

         Sarah got up from the table, and picked up her bags, and headed for the door. Nan helped her out the waiting taxi.

         ''Goodbye, Nan.''

         ''Goodbye Sarah. I love you.''

         ''I love you too, Nan.''

         One last hug, and Sarah got into the taxi. Nan shut the door, and waved goodbye to Sarah. She watched as the taxi started up, and picked up speed. She watched as it rounded the corner, and out of sight. She stood there for a moment, and finally went back into the house. She sat down at the kitchen table, and placed a picture of Sarah next to her husband.