University of the People

Scene I

{Curtain. Thomas Cooper bearing a heavy suitcase enters through an ornate door. He walks over to a flowered couch and sets his luggage down as smoothly as possible. It still thuds against the floor.}



Thomas: Hello! I am back from University!

{A silence follows, prompting Thomas to venture toward the stairs and call again.}

Thomas: Hello? {to himself} I say, where has everyone gone off to?

Marcy {appears behind Thomas}: Brother dear! Oh how good it is to see you!

Thomas: Why Marcy! I had begun to think this house had been deserted in my absence.

{They hug.}

Thomas: How have you been these last four months?

Marcy: I have been doing quite well. I read the book you sent me.

Thomas: Did you enjoy it?

Marcy: Yes. Although I must say, all the business about us being descended from monkeys is a bit unbelievable.

Thomas: It is all the rage at University. Has been for a good many years.

Marcy: Then why is it that I’ve never heard of it?

Thomas: You’re just not the educated sort, I guess.

Marcy: Hmmmm…If you say so, Brother dear. I did enjoy it, but I can’t say that I’ve done much else since Mum and Dad left, though.

Thomas: What’s this about Mum and Dad?

Marcy: They left. Didn’t you hear?

Thomas: Why no! This is the first I’ve heard of it.

Marcy: Oh! Well, they up and left last month. It was all very sudden. One morning I had just gotten out of bed when Dad dropped in to say, “Cheerio!” And that was the last I’ve heard of them.

Thomas: But where did they go?

Marcy: No idea.

Thomas: What do you mean you’ve no idea?

Marcy: I mean I’ve no idea. Don’t shout at me, Brother dear.

Thomas: So you just let them leave without asking where they were going?

Marcy: I wish you wouldn’t be so upset…but I guess it was rather silly of me.

Thomas: RATHER SILLY? Good heavens, Marcy.

{At this point, a rather tall man (William) in an undershirt appears.}

William: What’s all this fuss about?

Thomas {turning to Marcy}: Marcy, who is this man?

Marcy: He’s William Darning. I wish you wouldn’t look at me so, Brother dear…

Thomas: But who’s William Darning?

Marcy {with a fleeting but telltale smile}: Just the handyman. He’s come to fix Mum’s lamp.

William {moving surely toward Marcy}: Just the handyman? Is that all I’ve become to you?

Thomas {in background}: Oh dear…

Marcy: I didn’t mean it like that, William dear.

{William walks over to Marcy and slips his hand around her waist.}

William: Since I’ve already been introduced, I might as well ask who you might be.

Thomas : I’m Marcy’s brother.

William {in a patronizing and childish tone}: And does Marcy’s brother have a name?

{Marcy giggles.}

Thomas : Get out of my home.

William: Your home? It seems to me that I’ve been here more than you have in recent weeks.

{Marcy giggles again.}

Thomas: This fine house belongs to my parents, I’ll have you know, and since they have magically disappeared that means that this house is left to me.

William: But perhaps I don’t desire to leave.

{Giggle.}

Thomas : THEN I WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED FOR TRESPASSING!

Marcy {in shock, timidly}: Please don’t yell, Brother dear.

Thomas : Don’t call me that.

William: She can call you whatever she wishes to call you.

Thomas: WILL YOU DESIST AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE?

{Marcy is completely confused and begins to cry.}

Thomas: I can see I’m not getting anywhere with this.

William: I should say not, Brother dear.

{Pause.}

Thomas : You will vacate these premises by noon tomorrow. Or I will call the authorities.

{Thomas wheels and walks away.}

Thomas {on exit, softly}: I wish I were back at University.

{Door slams. End Scene I.}

Scene II

Thomas {reading a letter while seated at his desk}: Mr. Thomas Cooper. I, Detective Blackwell, have made inquiry regarding the whereabouts of your parents, John and Elizabeth Cooper. I must regretfully inform you that your parents have been exiled on account of treason. I am quite sorry to be the one to tell you this. Should you still wish to contact them; I believe that they are in Paris. However, I could be mistaken, and I would not advise associating with them at this time… {rips the letter calmly in two while saying} Blasted authorities.

{Lays the letter on the desk and presses his fingers against his temples.} First, they won’t evict that fiend on account that he’s my long lost cousin. And now this insult. {Eyes his suitcase. From downstairs we hear giggling and yelling. Sighs.} They probably won’t even realize I’ve gone.

{End Scene II.}

Scene III

{We are in Paris. There is a friendly chatter coming from the restaurants alongside the road. Music plays from far off in the distance. Thomas is walking down the sidewalk. Suddenly, a boy on a bike cuts Thomas off. Thomas drops the paper he is carrying.}

Boy: Pardonez moi, Monsieur.

{Thomas nods grudgingly and retrieves his paper. He walks a few paces.}

Thomas: Ah!

{Thomas enters the hotel. A clerk is standing behind the counter.}

Clerk: Bonjour, Monsieur. Est-ce que je peux vous aider?

Thomas: Bonjour… {He is at an obvious lack for words.}

Clerk: I speak English as well.

Thomas: Ah. Well…I am looking for my parents, John and Elizabeth Cooper.

Clerk {eyes Thomas warily}: You look enough like a gentlemen, so I will tell you. Your parents are staying in room 266. They have been there only a week, and they keep to themselves.

Thomas: Well, I can imagine, given the situation. Thanks. {Begins to walk away.}

Clerk {as if to himself}: Yes, they are very secretive. As are many of my guests… Things are not like they used to be. {Thomas seems about to speak, but then begins to drift off.} There used to be a community among my guests. They treated one another like neighbors, and even went to church together. But all of that has fallen away. People simply come and go these days.

{Thomas has disappeared. End Scene III.}

Scene IV

{Thomas raps smartly on the door. It opens promptly. Thomas’ father appears in the doorframe.}

Father : Thomas, my boy!

{Father gives Thomas a big hug. Thomas’ mother hustles into the room.}

Mother: Oh Thomas! We’ve been ever so worried about you!

Thomas: Worried about me? I should dare say I should be worried about you!

Mother: Why, because we’ve relocated?

Thomas: Relocated? Mother, you’ve been exiled.

Father: Ah yes, I was wondering when that would come up. Pity to cause so much uproar over such a small thing.

Thomas: A small thing? They said you were charged with treason.

Father: Well, it was nothing serious, mind you. Just a little money on the side, you know.

Thomas: Money? What on earth were you doing?

Mother: Well, you know your father’s old position. He oft’ ran into papers of certain importance…

Thomas: You were selling government secrets?!

Father: Selling? Good heavens, no. They were on loan, you see.

Thomas: ON LOAN? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?

Father: I don’t think you understand, my boy. It’s rather technical. You just aren’t the educated sort, I guess.

Mother: And I do wish you wouldn’t yell, Thomas dear.

Thomas: But this is the government we are talking about! You were stealing from the Queen!

Father: It’s not as bad as all that. Besides, what power does the Queen have nowadays anyway?

Thomas : Good heavens…my very own parents…anarchists…

Mother {changing the subject}: Don’t look so sad, Thomas. You should be proud of us. We’ve adjusted to Paris quite exceptionally.

Father {playing along with Mother}: Oui, oui. Ol’ Paris, eh Thomas my boy? {Jabbing Thomas playfully.}

Thomas {heading for the door}: I need some air.

Mother: Don’t leave just yet, Thomas. Why don’t you stay with us for a while? You might grow fond of this darling country.

Thomas: Stay? I have a life in England. I am going to University. Not to mention what’s happened to Marcy and that accursed scoundrel.

Father: Oh! William? We were hoping they might get together.

{Mother smiles.}

Thomas: YOU KNEW?...But he’s her cousin.

Father: No wonder we liked him so much…Nothing like family, eh Thomas?

Thomas {repeating quietly}: Nothing like family…oh my…

Father: Don’t be so anxious, my boy. Laissez faire, eh?

Thomas : Goodbye.

Mother : See you for dinner, then?

{Door slams. End Scene IV.}

Scene V

{Thomas walks past the clerk again.}

Clerk: Did you find them?

Thomas : Yes.

Clerk: And how did it go?

Thomas: Worse than I feared.

Clerk: Ah. Si désolé.

Thomas {quick to leave}: Goodbye.

Clerk: Adieu.

{Thomas walks out of the hotel and looks around. As he is standing, the same boy nearly hits him a second time with his bike. Thomas startles.}

Boy: Pardonez moi, Monsieur.

Thomas: Watch where you are going, boy!

{A merchant by the sidewalk looks over.}

Merchant: Ai! Please, Monsieur. He’s just a boy.

Thomas: You say that now. Today he is just a careless boy, but tomorrow he could be a careless man.

Merchant: But who are you to say? Let the boy find his own way.

Thomas: Is that enough? Have not the boy’s parents taught him anything? Where is his respect for his elders, for authority, or for God? Where has the world’s respect gone off to? Has it lost all common sense?

Merchant: He is only a boy!

Thomas: He is only a boy…only a boy…but how many others are like him?

{End Scene V. Curtain.}