Several small thoughts

I
When all else seems lost I looked inside and saw your face smiling back at me telling me everything would be okay. Now when I look inside all I see is pain built up, festering in my soul until my suffering becomes so great that I don't know where the hurt stops anymore...or for that matter where it begins.

II
Silver surrounds me as my image is reflected one hundred times over, yet I am unable to see this as my eyes are fixed firmly on the ground. I can't meet your gaze. Not because I don't want to, but rather I am afraid; afraid you might see through me and the mirrors surrounding my heart will shatter into jagged knives that pierce your heart.

III
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear, blend into my surroundings and not feel or hear what goes on around me. But its impossible to hide forever. Someone will bring you back eventually. Though sometimes I wonder who that someone is. Whether they know I exist or just can't find the words I need to hear. I thought you were that person, but at the same time I realized that my fantasy was a lie. Reality hurt so bad that I fell into another's arms though it was you I wish would embrace me. I knew somehow that I would never see you, touch you, or really hear you ever again. But at the same time why did it need to hurt so bad. In the end, it is still my fault for wishing too hard that something so impossible could happen; and my punishment has been swift and just. Why can't I hold on to that dream? Why must letting go be this hard? Why can't he just talk to me, even one word. Something to know he still cares. I would have let him see me exactly as I am; without the masks, pain, and fears. Or perhaps the pain and fears are simply what he needs to see. Its hard to attempt to be vulnerable when you don't know his reaction.

IV
Millions of memories flash before my eyes. Times of sorrow and joy. Yet my soul is trapped. Its impossible to move on when you can't seem to admit what is wrong. And then suddenly, rain drips lightly onto my eyelids as fresh dew on the morning grass. Rain and tears blend into rivers that carry the current of pain away from my heart so that once again I can be left alone in my head and can bury it deeper this time.