There's a frog in my shoe!

The more I walk, the more I realize that really long legs with really short ones in the front are a sick joke. Needing to go only a few hundred more feet to the pond was becoming depressing. So I stopped and began to ponder what it is like to be human, or at least having legs that are equally proportionate. It would be so nice to walk without hopping, it really hurts your butt after a couple rocks get in the way. And imagine what it would be like to talk to someone your interested in, instead of making this "oh so attractive croak" for a mate. Eating flies, don't even get me started on this so called delicacy! My eyes, which are so conveniently on top of my head, have an irritating quality of not being able to see anything underneath me. Some people have the problem of not being able to see their feet when they get fat, I read this on a magazine in the trashcan the other day, I have the problem of......I've never seen my feet! I could not tell you what I stepped in this afternoon or if I really need a pedicure. These are some things that matter to me but the really pressing matter is the fact that kids with glass jars scare the hell out of me, you're minding your business and then next thing you know your being beamed up to a glass cell where you will be poked and prodded till your untimely death by being dropped repeatedly on this brats' sidewalk! And you know how some families have a great family of heroes in their past, well the only thing that my family can be proud of is the fact that grandpa jumped off the lab table right before they cut him open in science class. Being an amphibian is not all that bad.....thwack!!!.......God, this tongue is uncontrollable, I hate flies!! Okay I'm wrong I hate being a frog. I mean, why is it that the princess has to kiss me to get something else that she wants. Its kinda like going out to dinner and the girl hopes she meets the man of her dreams at the restaurant you took her to. Anywho, I guesss I should get going this trip isn't getting any shorter, wait, what is this in the grass. It looks like a shoe, man, I would love to be able to wear these. It would be a hell of alot better than walking barerfoot everywhere I go. I'm getting in it just to feel what its like. Wow, this is the life, comfort on every step.....what was that noise?, strange to be having an earthquake. Man its really loud and alot closer than before, the sun sure seems to have disappeared! What the hell is that......oh my god, noooooooooo.......................................