“A Moment Of Beginning”

The assignment- In The Los Angeles Diaries: A Memoir. Brown battles much in this memoir: an unstable childhood, substance abuse, a doomed marriage, the loss of his brother and sister to suicide, in addition trying to achieve success as a novelist and screenwriter. Now that you have reached the end of the memoir, does there seem to be an underlying theme besides "desperation"? What is this alternative or primary theme? Discuss this theme in a 5-paragraph paper and provide at least 3 relevant quotes/paraphrases--with appropriate internal citations---in order to prove your opinions.

THIS IS JUST THE FIRST DRAFT

any feedback would be grateful. thanks in advance.

Although desperation is a major theme in The Los Angeles Diaries: A Memoir, by James Brown, It wasn't the only one. Human Responsibility, Addiction, Compulsion, Madness, Irony and Love are only a few themes represented in the memoir. Out of all the possible theme's I could have chosen, I felt Human Responsibility and Addiction, fit the most.
When the book starts, Brown is on his way to a possible screenwriting job. He appears to be a likeable guy, until us as readers see him in a dark place. We witness him in a three day drinking binge that allows us to peer into the life of an addict. He begins with one drink, promising himself only one. Eventually Brown goes into coke and meth, a long with an intoxicating case alcoholism. Brown struggles to become sober and keep his responsibilities at home and at work, constantly coming home drunk or going to class high. Brown starts to head down a winding path of destruction. Brown strives to get the respect and recognition he deserves but constantly disappoints himself and everyone around him. Brown writes, "On the drive home I stop at a liquor store... that last drink has to be beer" (72). This shows that he realizes he has a problem, but has little control over it. Not only is he drinking and driving, but even after he finished an entire bottle of Smirnoff just on his way home, he still needs more.
Brown has responsibilities to himself, his family and his students. He can't control himself. He writes, "My briefcase is heavy...lock the door and do another line" (64-65).This shows that his addictions are affecting his duty as a teacher. After school he gets high and drunk and puts off his work, subconsciously hurting his students. He makes promises that he can't keep. Brown writes, "I say good-bye and hang up and return to my bar stool...The next time I look at my watch it's after midnight" (74). He tells himself that just because it's a beer, it doesn't count as an actual drink, so he winds up getting drunk and staying that the bar till after midnight, completely breaking his word that he would be home for dinner.
Brown wants to change for the better, but he can't. He writes, "The alcoholic, however...for the better part of me, too" (101). He's in denial which doesn't stop him from drinking, and he's always in a bad mood, which leads him to drink and do drugs. Browns alcoholism and drug addiction land him in a divorce with his first wife, Heidi. Brown's alcoholism and drug abuse get worse. His excitement for his possible jobs in Hollywood, only give him more reasons to become inebriated.
James Brown is a perfect example of someone overcoming their addictions. He writes, "Though I'm not foolish enough to confess, my wife senses my infidelities well enough, and trying to carry on as if nothing has happened, as if I could ever reclaim her trust, is just another act of deception. But we are drunks. We are addicts and we behave recklessly without regard for the consequences of our actions. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, we destroy the ones we love as surely as we destroy ourselves" (173-174). For some, it takes them hitting rock bottom, to see that they have a problem. For brown, all it took was a peaceful vision of his Family staring back at him smiling. He writes, "I feel it carrying the three of us past the boundaries of our lives, and in our parting, when I open my eyes and the land rolls up toward me, endless and distant, breaking like a surf across the sky, I see my own story come to rest at a moment of beginning" (200).