Tips on raising special needs kids

Over the course of the past eighteen, almost nineteen years now, I have raised a special needs child, with some help from my husband.  We have spent almost the first five years in the hospital off and on, gone through hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, and had just about any kind of therapy you can think of.  I believe this experience gives me some credibility in giving some tips.  It has not been easy, but it was definitely worth it.

Raising any special needs child is going to take some amount of extra time and consideration, depending on what the child’s special needs are.  Take the time to find a good pediatrician who will work with you, and coordinate the team of doctors and other specialists that you will need for your child. Literally interview the pediatrician.  If the first pediatrician isn't a good fit, or doesn’t want to answer your questions, don't be afraid to try another; YOU are paying THEIR salary!

Ask other parents if they know of pediatricians who will work with a child like yours.  Ask co-workers, and relatives, as well as neighbors, too.  Ask your own doctor if they have a recommendation.  Have a list of questions that you want answered about how they deal with special needs children.  And don’t be afraid to ask your questions. 

Beyond the day that your special needs child is born, probably the most terrifying day for the parents is the day that their child first goes to school.  Face it, the first day of school is difficult for any parent with any child.  But, I found it even more difficult with my special one.  As your child gets ready to enter kindergarten, there will be case conferences, Individual Education Plans (also known as IEP’s) or 504 plans and testing, which are normal things.  But you will have to be his/her staunchest supporter. 

Pay attention to everything, and don't lose any of the paperwork, keep it in a safe place. Stick up for your child, attend the case conferences, and amend the IEP's/504 plans as needed.  Don't let the teachers as well as the school administration, try to tell you what to do, you are a part of the process, too.  Listen to what they're telling you, and if it's reasonable, allow it.  Being flexible is a necessary thing with special needs children. 

As your child grows, and goes through school, the friendships will change, too.  And it is very hard to watch.  Don’t always interfere in the social interactions; he or she will have to start to learn to fend for themselves now, at least a little bit at a time.  Special needs kids have to learn to develop a backbone earlier than regular kids do, which is sad, but it’s true.  But give them praise, too, for making good choices. 

Do try to include your special needs child in as many social events as possible. If that means entering them in Special Olympics to get them used to socializing, that's OK. If it means having the neighbor kids coming in your house to introduce themselves one at a time for weeks on end, that's OK, too. Putting the child into Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts or something similar can be of great benefit, too. Do what fits your situation.

Ask your doctors and the therapists for suggestions, but follow your gut instinct as a parent, too, as to what's right for your child. Don't hide them away from the world; doing so does more harm to the child than anything else.  Yes, it is tiring, for you as the parent(s).  But think of the child, too.  I’ve been in both positions myself, and it really makes a difference when the parent makes the extra effort, trust me.

No matter what, always show your special needs child that you love them, just as much as you love your other children.  Even if they are wheelchair or even bed-bound, please make sure that you tell them at least once a day that you love them.  Showing the special needs kids that they are just as important, and that you value them as a member of the family will do so much for their self-esteem.  And insist that they follow the same rules that their siblings do whenever possible.

Is it easy to raise a special needs child?  Oh, no, not by a long shot.  Would I do it again?  You bet!