Locked Down lover

I can't sit here and pretend that I don't wonder how you are doing
Even though I have someone to call my own
I hated to cut things off so abruptly
but that was the only way that both you and I could grow

We shared many love letters and Polaroid pictures through mail
but that just wasn't enough
I needed someone next to me to help me live my life
someone to physically hold me when my days got to be tough

Please don't hate me or cast me into the category of  lost loves
I hope that I much more than a bad thought
But please hold and cherish the memories that we had
and know that you held a special place in my heart

I grew tired of the bag searches, limited visitation, and sounds of bars closing
and leaving the facility feeling as if I would forever be a visitor on your list
I grew tired of calling and telling my friends about the man that I  adored
When I knew in my heart that I hated all of the family events that you would miss

I needed more than just words on paper in envelopes biweekly
I needed you to be free to live life out here with me
But you couldn't give me that because of the choices that you made
and I had to move on  and see the reality

I loved you when you were here
and cried when I didn't know where you had gone
and felt relieved when I found out that you were alive
and felt discouraged when I had to love you from afar

So I can't sit here and pretend that you do not cross my mind
Sometimes I want to write and make sure that you are okay
but I do not want to open up that door that I fought so hard to close
no matter what my thoughts might say

So goodbye I say to you my locked down love of the past
Know that the memories we shared were not in vain
I found that happiness that you and I once discussed
and I've learned how to heal from the pain

I hope that you are reformed, refreshed and renewed when they decide to set you free
and if our paths should cross again, I hope that you are not filled with resentment
but take all that you have learned over the years and find a new life …....and live it