Chapter 5 and 6 - The End

Chapter 5

I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. So I just stood there. Maybe he could see the terror in my eyes. There was no lie that I could tell that he would believe. Once he saw the answer in my eyes, he pulled me in the house, pushed me up against the wall and slammed the door. For a moment I thought he would hurt me.

As his body was pushed tightly against mine crushing my breasts, I could feel this breath. It was hot and I could smell the strong stench of wine. I didn't say anything. I was caught. The unmistakable marks of my lover all of my neck proved that I was disloyal. I started to shake. He whispered in my ears.."I ought to hurt you, like you hurt me". I stared into his eyes and I could see the hurt mixed with anger. I completely went limp. I didnt know what to think.

"I was attacked". I manage to finally open my mouth. I strained hard to push out a tear and cry.

"What happened....." He said to me. I told him a believable story about how someone tried to hold me up when I left to go outside to run some errands. In his eyes I could tell that he didn't believe me. He started to talk to me jumping from subject to subject, with his thoughts unconnected.

"Yeah, right"..he said to me, "I know you have been with another man, you are LYING!"

He proceeded with his raging. "You dont want to be married to me anymore, I found out that you had been looking into lawyers. Just tell me why."

My eyes shifted on him and a glimmer of awareness came over me. He was talking about the one day that I actually searched for divorce attorneys, I must have forgot to erase my history. Oh my God! That is what he is talking about. A stupid mistake of not cleaning my tracks saved me. He whispered hoarsely into my ear "if you move, I am going to hurt you".

I didn't. I tried to speak but the look in his eyes didn't allow breath to even escape from my mouth. The tension in the air was so strong, it felt as if there were low lying clouds in the air."Why did you want to leave me, you were going to be a coward and just walk away? Did you ever love me?"

"I....I.....I did, I mean I do". I managed to stammer out.

"I know that things haven't been good for a long time". I said nothing. There was nothing for me to say, the sadness in my eyes affirmed his words.

"I love you really with all of my heart". The wave of words followed a ocean of communication for the rest of the night. We talked all night about our marriage and problems. We didn't sleep at all.

We decided to get some help. We went to counseling. Even though I was supposed to completely open up, I couldn't. I truly believe somethings are better left unsaid. Because once you say something, you can't take it back. The words float out and burst into the universe never to come back again. Who I spent time with that night and what I did, is of no importance now. It is the future that is important.

My heart started to mend.



Chapter 6 - Last chapter

How can you close a door that has already been opened? How can you shut Pandora’s box? I have experienced things that I never thought I would experience. I had changed; I had become a new person. He wanted things to go back to the way the used to be and that is not possible. I don't ever want it to go back to the past.

We can't ever be the same but that may not be bad, maybe we can be different.
A flood of emotions engulfed me, sadness and regret. Regret that our marriage changed the way it did. My soul had been so tainted I didn't know what I felt any longer. Everything started to get better. I was actually amazed. I saw him begin to open up and for the first time in years.. when I was walking out the door to go to work, he grabbed my arm....

He kissed me.

I hadn't felt the warmth of his lips in a long long time. When I smelled his musk I grabbed him hard and I felt the love start to come trickling back. I didn't think that it was possible, but it was starting to return slowly. He touched me softly. His fingertips lightly went down my shoulder, to my shoulder blades to my buttocks. He opened his mouth slightly and inserted his tongue, flickering inside and out of my mouth. I sighed. I tried to take everything that he offered. I hadn't had it in a long time and I had forgotten how wonderful of a lover that he was to me. Maybe that was the reason why I was so angry. I knew that he was wonderful. I knew that he could make me feel.... The kissing became more intense and all thoughts of going to work or being on time evaporated out of my mind. His tongue traced the outside of my mouth and I could taste the faintness of his refreshing mint flavored toothpaste. I kissed him more deeply and felt as if I was trying to crawl into his mouth. I wanted to go inside of him.. I wanted to be one with him. The temperature began to rise. I began to pant... sex was next.

"I know that you have to go to work...Sorry about that".

"Oh yeah. Yes, I really want to stay but I have to go". I stated while his hands moved up to my waist. "Can we finish this later?"

"Definitely".

"Ok". I kissed him again and proceeded to walk out the door. Sending me out again in the jungle. But this time I had the armor that I needed to protect myself from the animals....and from my myself.

Over the next few weeks, it was blissful. I worked hard to make my husband happy. I gave him my attention and really tried to apply the suggestions that I learned in the counseling sessions. I told my husband that I loved him. I wore sexy outfits to bed and I would lightly lick his ear to make him want me. Sex was more frequent, more loving. I began to feel wanted. I brought books on sexual positions to try to keep it more
spicy and because he was open-minded I purchased porn... I thought that by hearing others enjoy each other would cause a chain reaction for us to enjoy each other too...I would get up in the morning and make him breakfast in bed. My man, my man, my man, my man is what I would think to myself.

Months passed and we started to settle more into our routine and soon the lovemaking began to become more infrequent. My husband had gotten a promotion in his job and he had to devote more time to it. He was still somewhat affectionate but not as strongly as the previous months. I realized that this was a difficult time so I was ok with it. After a year, things gradual went back to normal. I was pulled back to our previous relationship kicking and screaming. When I tried to kiss him, he gave me a peck. When I turned to him in the bed, he told me that he was tired. I talked to him about our relationship and he told me that he loved me as much as before. We tried to plan a trip to getaway on March 31st, but it had to be cancelled due to his job. I was crushed.

One Saturday morning, I awoke to wash the clothes in our hamper and I normally clean out all pockets before I wash the clothes. I was going through his slacks and pulled out paper. I washed all of the clothes and folded them. I left to go shopping and before I did, I went upstairs again to the laundry room and saw the crumpled paper on the washer. I was about to throw away the paper but something told me to open it before I
threw it away just in case it was something important. So I did. It was a receipt, a crumpled receipt from Hilton Hotels....on March 31st...

Ok...??? My heart dropped.

I immediately called Hilton Hotel service line because my husband and I both are in the Hilton Express Club. When we get hotel rooms, because we are in the club...we get redeemable points that could be used for other things. I was thinking about calling the credit cards but... I decided against it. I called and talked to a customer service agent. I asked about my points and then I asked when was the last date that I stayed in the hotel, I just need to check my hotel dates and make sure that I received my points. She told me,

March 31st... (ok I knew about that).
April 10th
April 16th
April 24th
May 5th
May 16th
May 25th

and today was June 1st. I asked about previous dates and she gave me those also. For about a year, my husband had been renting out a hotel room for one day every week, obviously cheating on me.... Damn!!!!!!!

Angry as hell, I dropped the phone to the floor, sat on the bed and cried. I gathered up my faculties and focused so hard at the wall a dark hole bore through to the other side. I went into my closet and started to look into the purses that I use when I go out to clubs. I found all kinds of crap in the pockets such as, old concert tickets and movie tickets, old scribbled papers, etc. After a couple of minutes I found what I was looking for. I sighed heavily and picked up the phone to make another call..I had one more call to make..........

I was calling Keith.