Judgement House

Last night after the meeting, I was standing around talking to Kathy, Karen, Debbie and the red haired woman that gave Kathy the bird…. Jean, I think. Why can I never remember that name, anyway? We were sitting outside the church, engaging in our usual post-meeting chatting and smoking. I was shivering in my brown skirt and turquoise ballet flats. Why hadn’t I changed into jeans?

Before setting out to her car, Karen blurted out ‘I drove by this ‘Judgement House’ thing today…. What is that, anyway? Have you guys seen that? Is that for Halloween?...’ She lit up another cigarette…

We were getting ready to throw in our comments when a semi-balding guy rushed past us from the volleyball game that takes place next to the CODA meeting. He was striding full speed to his car, dressed in his white t-shirt, blue running shorts with white piping, and athletic socks. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he had been wearing a sweatband on his head and glasses, but I don’t recall that he was. He made a U-turn right behind Karen, spinning on his heel to face us.

‘I couldn’t help overhearing you’, he said unashamedly as we all looked at him with interest…. ‘Judgement House is a tour through Hell to show you the consequences for each of your choices with God.’.

We all looked at him a little incredulously, carefully avoiding looking at each other. I was afraid I was going to let out a snort, so I concentrated on removing a cigarette from my pack on the concrete step where I was sitting. He went on enthusiastically…. ‘It doesn’t have anything to do with Halloween. It’s Anti-Halloween’.

I took that in as I shivered. Anti-Halloween?? What is that? This must be some sort of a joke….

‘Uh… oh ok, thanks…. I wasn’t sure….’ Karen stammered, trying to be polite. Probably hoping he would take the hint and go away.

The man continued, mistaking Karen’s forced politeness for genuine interest. He seemed to be gaining speed now that he had a captive audience. ‘Yes. In Judgement House, you get ten ‘experiences’, and you get to make choices with the lord. And then you get to experience what are the consequences of making the wrong choices. You get to experience Hell.’

‘Oh. Uh, Hell, huh…. Wow. That must be scary’ said Karen.

‘Scary?? Oh no….. it’s really quite moving. And at the end you get to meet Jesus’. He looked at us all expectantly. No one really said anything for a second. ‘Uh, Okay, well thanks’ said Karen.

The man rushed off, probably satisfied in the knowledge that he had done his duty to spread the Good News. If that is what one calls a simulated journey through Hell right here in Hillsborough County, probably conveniently located between a Jo-Ann Fabric store and Lloyd’s Gun and Pawn shop…..

Kathy looked at me.

‘You get to meet Jesus at the end??’ she asked.

‘Yeah’, I said. ‘Maybe you get to sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas’.