Without Love

Without Love
        I found myself for 10 full weeks without love, love from the person I shared over two years of a relationship with.  I have been without the head-over-heels love, sweep off your feet kisses, daydreaming endlessly love.  I have been without the person who has acted as my eight year old best friend.  The one who would make me cry, I laughed so hard.  I have been without the person I shared so many wonderful moments with. I one I found myself marrying and having babies together.  We had our house planned, the ideal honeymoon, and the most romantic wedding outlined.  We were it! We were just two peas and a pod.  I have been without the one who swing dances with me in his kitchen, and goes on romantic picnics with me.  I have been without the one who knows just how much I eat on my plate and can read when my mind.  I have been without love of sharing a bed together, curling your bodies next to one another so you seem to fit perfectly.  I have been without love.  Those times were we played endless made up games in the backyard then run into the pool and tackle one another...ohh and we had matching googles in green and pink.  The times where we met the fatest yet most gentlest fish who died the next summer.  The times were we had bicycle races around the subdivison and ran into the house.  Those times I am without.  I without the utterly overwhelming "being in love" feeling and caring so deeply for someone.  I am without that six pack, muscular body holding me when I cried.  That one whose hand captured mine and held it tenderly.  I am without that love that is idolized on the outside by others, who made it through a year of a long distance relationship.  I am without the one who inspired me to run and make the PR's I made.  I am without that love.  I am without the love that every girl fantasizes over and dream about.  I am without the love that my friends urn for and stay in relationships with boyfriends just to feel loved and accepted. I am without the love that seem to come out of a story book.  I am without that.  And today I am saying to myself, to God, and everyone...I am okay to be without that love.  I am okay to live life by mysel for awhile and find a new love.  A love that will be even better because while it may have seemed like everything was perfect we had our flaws.  I am okay to live without caring for a man. I am okay to live without that romantic love society builds up so much that is what you have to have.  I am okay to spend holidays alone, yet they are with the ones I truly love, my family.  I am okay to not spend two hours a night talking on the phone to someone and buying cute gifts for.  I am okay to take care of myself.  I am okay to eat alone at school, if need be. I am okay to be without that love. Because the next time I in love it won't because I picked out that man but God. 
        I am not without love.  I am without the love from a man.  Yet I am not without love for the Father.  I am taken care more than anyman could ever take care of me.  I am in his arms and have called him my husband.  He is the one I take long walks with, dress up for, and honor.  I am in love with Jesus Christ. He doesn't woo me, flirt with me, or tease me.  He straight up gives me the truth, and gave me more than a diamond ring will ever mean to me...his life.  He truly is my love.  I am not without his love. His love captures me and holds me near to his heart.  He keeps me pure, clean and of a righteous heart.  He is my provider, protector, and companion.  While I might have those days were I feel isolated, alone and in a state where I feel I am not loved and cared for, I want to realize and know that is not true.  I may not be physically loved by another but I under his wings more than any other man could provide for me.  I am under his grace, mercy and compassion.  I know that one day the man that God thinks is so utterly close to him with send him my way.  He will know that that man can care for me in a glimpse of what Jesus can.  The father will provide for me when the time is near.  Now I know that tomorrow or a week from now, I might be depressed and down for letting go of the love I had but I want to realize and acknowledge I gave it up for someone so much greater.  I gave up all those "happy" times for ones that will rain down love. 
  I will not be without love.  I will have that one person who shares my spiritual beliefs and will be so wrapped up on God, it forms a relationship that won't be meant to please one another but honor God.  I desire that one person who I can pray with, read the bible with, cuddle and have endless love nights with.  I will meet him one day and it will be because I chose the road that might have been lessed traveled, the one that most don't take and is a little harder to make it through.  I chose the path in the beginning that wasn't chosen by most christians and ended by chosing the path most won't chose because they had someone loving them constantly.  It doesn't matter what your plans are for your life, you might as well not say who you want to become when you grow up because God is truly in control of that, you just don't know.  I don't know who he is, but I pray that that one person God has selected serves Jesus Christ with his whole heart.  That is what true love is.  That is why true love waits.  I will wait for the one.  Thank you God.