Forbidden Love

“First day of school always reeks, but it is a little better knowing this is our last first day of high school. Aw shit I have Algebra II first period with Mr. Hopkins.”

“Adele don’t worry, so do I. We can sit next to each other. It won’t be too bad.”

“Screw that, Colleen you distract me so much and I’m already really bad at math. I don’t need your ass bothering me too.”

Walking to class, I got a look from every person in the hallway. I am not exactly the most pure person in the world. My history includes no boyfriends but almost every good-looking guy in school has had his shot at getting in bed with the “tall, blonde haired, green eyed beauty.” Colleen was shyer, but I loved that about her. She was my best friend in the whole world, someone I could come to when I was having a rough time.

Adele was one of those high school drama queens some would have even called her the queen bee of our school, she was beautiful and smart (except in math) and all the guys absolutely loved her. We had known each other since we were little. I had always envied her; she had everything in the world. Nevertheless, she never seemed to be completely happy, I never understood why. She had all the money she could ever need and any guy she came across instantly wanted to be with her. She seemed to lack something though, and it was only something I could see.

We stepped into class, sat down next to each other somewhere in the middle, and started getting out our books when someone caught my eye. I looked up to see a young man no more than five years older than me. I wondered why he was here and why he was dressed so nicely. Damn…I thought to myself, he is good looking. I shoved my elbow into Colleen’s side and got a yelp and a mean look. When I finally got my pen out I wrote down what I saw and what I thought of him.

“Adele, no way are you going to try and go after him! He’s probably the student teacher and they are just as off limits as the teachers themselves.”

“But, he’s too good looking to be the math student teacher. I am sure he is just a former student visiting all of his teachers. It happens, right?

I looked up and caught his glance, I could feel my cheeks going bright red as I smiled and looked away.

As if math was not tough enough for me, he made it a thousand times worse. I could feel him looking at me. Almost as if he was examining my every move and my whole, body quivered at the thought that he actually was. Finally, the bell rang and we were dismissed to second period. As Colleen and I walked out the door, I finally felt a sort of relief that I had never felt before. I was confused; I had never felt nervous around a guy. I liked guys a lot and they liked me just as much if not more. All of a sudden, I regretted everything I had ever done in the past with other guys. I felt stupid and immature, it all lead to a shitty day.

I think I have discovered what Adele has been lacking in her life. Today we met our student teacher in math and the moment they locked eyes you could tell. What she needed was a male companion who loved her for who she was. Not the fact that she had a lot of money or really good looks. He didn’t know any of that and I think this is going to be a long semester with her and him in the same room.

The weeks started to fly by. I learned that he was in fact our student teacher and his name was Casey Parks, but we were to call him Mr. Parks. He was sweet and gentle, the more I struggled the more he slowed everything down to try to help me. Although I enjoyed the fact that he recognized me, I was afraid to have him help me. He was so good looking and so nice that he really threw me off course when he taught. I finally had to get some tutoring or I knew I was going to fail not only the first part of the class but the whole class. I asked Mr. Hopkins if he could help me a few nights a week after school, and he certainly agreed.

After a week or so of tutoring, I was really starting to raise my grade, and I was again confident and proud except for the days Mr. Parks taught. I started to wonder if it was not only me. Maybe the whole class did not get it when he taught, but I ignored that and plowed through my work. My crush for Mr. Parks was going away and I knew it but I was not the only one who noticed it. He did as well. He stopped me one day after class and told me he needed to speak to me after school. Surprisingly I was not nervous at all about it.

When I told Colleen that Mr. Parks wanted to see me after class, she freaked out.

“He likes you don’t you see that? He is disappointed that you stopped getting nervous around him and he wants you to be. It’s a confidence booster for him.”

“Coll, seriously, he doesn’t like me I’m sure I might have done something wrong and he just wants to point it out to me.”

“Dell…are you crazy? Do you not see the way he longingly looks at you? Everyone in class knows it and they all talk about it all the time. All the girls and guys are jealous of you two. The guys think you have a major crush on him and the girls all want him to like them. Just stop and realize that this might not be a good idea if it is just you two. You could both get into some serious trouble if something happens. I know you Dell, sometimes you can’t control yourself.”

“Coll, please I’ll be fine. I’ll call you after I’m done with him and we can go hang somewhere.”

I got an unsure “okay” out of her then I walked away, her words ringing in my head “sometimes you can’t control yourself.” It was true, I rarely was ever able to control myself around people, but I was determined to make sure that this was all going to be under control.

Sometimes Adele just worries the hell out of me. The fact that Mr. Parks wants to talk to her is cool. Maybe she is right, maybe he just needs to tell her something, but I have a feeling that Dell will try to take things too far. Not that I don’t think that he doesn’t like her, but he’s a teacher and totally off limits. I just really hope Dell has the will power to stay away from him and not try to entice him into doing something that he might regret.

As I turned, the corner to go into Mr. Hopkins room I saw that the door was closed and the lights were off. I was completely confused. I was so sure he said today was the day he wanted to see me. Then I saw a note on the wall. “The door might be closed and the lights might be off but I’m sure this will help you, please open the door, and come inside.” Now I was getting nervous, he was the teacher, he was not allowed to hit on me. As I opened the door, I saw him sitting by the TV. with it on and there was a math movie playing. He invited me to come in further and take a seat and watch, this movie was to help me understand math a little more. I enjoyed the movie and took notes along with it. It really did help; everything was finally clicking in my head, not just some things.

I could tell the movie was just about done when he came over to look at the notes I took. I was a tad embarrassed because along the sides were little hearts and lips. He looked at them and laughed.

“So who’s the lucky man who has you drawing all these hearts on your math notes? He must be pretty special.”

“I… uh… don’t have feelings for anyone.”

He shook his head and said,

“Adele you can’t keep kidding yourself. You need to either find a permanent man to be with or just in general stop fooling around with people. You’re putting yourself on the fast track for many things that are just not good. I care about everyone in my classes but you are a special case. Colleen’s been coming to me for advice about you and I just want you to know it’s all right to make mistakes but you need to stop and fix them now. If you thought sleeping with all those guys was alright before or you didn’t care about it then that’s fine, but now you need to step up to the plate and think about the guy who is going to love you for the rest of your life. I’m sure he is going to probably care that you messed around with so many guys. Just please, stop, and think before you do it one more time.”

I was shocked, completely confused, and somewhat felt betrayed that Colleen was talking to Mr. Parks about me, I was really hoping that he didn’t know about all the stupid mistakes that I had made in the past. I must have had a look on my face because he gave me a big hug and told me that he had hoped the video would continue to help me and he would see me in class tomorrow.

I left in tears and sat in the school parking lot for fifteen minutes just crying my heart out before Mr. Parks came out to leave for the day. When he saw me hunched over my steering wheel sobbing he, decided it would be best if he came over and comforted me. He knocked on my window and I let him in my car. He commented on how nice and clean my car was in effort to get me to calm down. When that did not work, he took my hand,

“Adele,” he said so quietly I could barely hear him, “I’m sorry if I startled you or freaked you out, but ever since the first time Colleen came to me I have had a different light on you. I have been somewhat hoping what she was saying wasn’t true and that it was just a jealous attempt to get me to not like you. Although now I see that what she was saying is true. Colleen was only trying to be a good friend and help both of us out.”

“A good friend, what do you mean by she was trying to be a good friend?”

“Adele, if you are that blind as to not have noticed by now, then there is something wrong with you.”

I really had no idea what he was talking about and it showed, he laughed and said never mind, it was a conversation for another day.

Since I was feeling better, he got out of my car and told me that it was best that I go home, but to not be hesitant to ask him anything, even if it had nothing to do with math.

I called Adele two hours after school had ended. I was worried by now; extremely worried that she talked him into taking her home, into his bed. She answered in a somber voice and then all my worries went away. Either she failed miserably or she just didn’t get the chance to try and now was going to be moody all day. I talked to her while she drove to pick me up to head out to the mall for a shopping spree. I was excited for that, she told me she had a lot to tell me about what she and Mr. Parks had talked about.

Colleen called me while I was driving home. I didn’t want to pick up at all but I knew I had to prove her wrong and let her know things stayed under control the whole time. I decided that we needed to go shopping and I told her I was going to be picking her up. I must have arrived at her house without really realizing it because I was lost in a sea of thoughts about the amazing person that was Mr. Parks. I could still feel his touch on me and the gentle way he held my hand. It was all so surreal.

Walking through the mall I realized that we were being followed by someone and it was really pissing me off. I turned around to find that it was a guy that I had been in bed with several times. Unfortunately for him I had changed, and I wasn’t about to get in a bed with him. I thought about what Mr. Parks had said and I realized one way or another he was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. Even if what he said to me today didn’t mean that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, one way or another I was going to get him to want me, just because I wanted him more than ever. I was being harassed, a constant.

“Baby please, I want you so bad. The last time I did anything was with you and I love you.”

By now, I was getting angry and tried ignoring the kid, pushing him away, and going to the bathroom until he left. He just wouldn’t let go. He really wanted to get some tonight and he really wanted it from me.

I decided to tell Adele I really wanted to go home or somewhere else, because this kid was getting on my every nerve and I knew he was getting on hers as well. The kid who was still calling Adele “babe” and asking for sex continuously was not letting up at all. Adele wasn’t really in the mood anymore for going anywhere else. He had ruined her night, so we decided a girl’s night in at my house would be a great idea.

It was such a relief to leave the mall and that kid behind. He was an ass, a pompous ass. We spent the night talking at Colleen’s house and of course, the subject was almost constantly Mr. Parks. I reassured her that nothing happened and that today was just the rock solid foundation to the fact that I didn’t like him anymore. Which was a big lie, but I wanted this to be my dirty little secret and no one else’s.