Dearest Memory

My Dearest Memory:

Tomorrow for me is a bittersweet day. It is a day of pure joy and sadness. Four years ago you wrote to me for the first time and I lived a beautiful dream for nine months. One day you were gone and there were no answers, no reasons, nothing to bring me peace. I faltered, fell, became depressed, gained almost 45 pounds and cried every day for almost three years. One day I realized if I was ever going to make this dream a reality I had to grow up and accept myself. I began immediately and am now a much stronger, happier and positive woman. I see now I was not ready to meet you nor was I the woman I am meant to be when that wonderful day arrives. So many have forgotten my dream or deemed it dead but for me it is in my heart every day and not a single day has passed that I have not sent you an angel to watch over you and bring you peace.

Tomorrow another project of yours is open to a select few. It is my wish for you it brings you the success and applause you so deserve for your talent and ability to bring hope to so many. It's funny to me how so many are so free to meet you without preamble or trouble and I wonder if in a year they will remember the date, if they will honor the new projects you have by asking an angel to be near you or whisper to your heart I miss you and wish you joy and love. I wonder if they will begin and end their days asking the angels to watch over you and keep you close to their hearts.

I do not envy them that they have met you before me, I know timing is everything and I have to be in the perfect place for this dream to be as beautiful as I know it will one day be - I envy them the joy most of all.

I will remember the ensuing days as I have done for so long now. I will smile through them and cry at the memories. The smell of snow will capture my heart. The laughter of my crew will bring me to memories of the sweet afternoons of hoping for a phone call that did not come. I will remember the joy of each date set aside to meet you and ask the angels to comfort my heart when the sadness leaves me raw to human emotion.

I have kept your identity secret and safe and have chosen to treasure each email rather than exploit the gift by selling them to a magazine for money out of anger or hurt. I have cried out loud as I read stories of those who abuse the gift of meeting someone like you and asked God what I could have done to make you go away when I tried so hard to do things so differently.

Be at peace my dearest memory. New Years Eve for me for many years was a day of isloation and shame because of the abuse of one man for so long. I believed I loved him and he used me and tore me down. When you came to me in my dreams in January of 2003 my world became light, my heart became whole again, my life became one of promise and courage.

Through this letter I know, I believe with all my heart the angels will come to you. They will sing my wish for peace and hope for you and for your gentle heart.

I will light my candle and leave it burning in the window so that should you look my way you will see its light and know it burns for you. It will burn as a sign you are safe within my heart and you are remembered.

My sweet king, my gentle angle of the night....always I remember you. Forever I believe in my dream. I am working deligently to be who I am meant to be so that you and I will one day meet at the most perfect time and so that I too will know the joy of those who have had the gift of meeting you.

Ria