Story of the misadventure of a space traveler in rout to Fargus |
“Flight 1203. Who would have believed it! In the short time since the colonization of the planet Fargus began, there have been 1202 flights completed!” The reality of my situation was just beginning to crystallize. As a low ranking member of the United Nations diplomatic corps, I hadn’t the ability to pick and choose assignments, yet here I was in route to the choicest plum of all assignments, the embassy at Fargus. I had been assured Ambassador Wentworth was a wonderful supervisor to work for and I knew his opinions carried a great deal of weight with the entire U. N. administration. I had also been assured that, if Ambassador Wentworth liked the way I worked, I would be promoted with an accompanying pay increase. The posting was only for a year, as was customary with junior level diplomats. I was almost giddy at my good fortune. Being posted at the most peaceful embassy in the galaxy, working for a man of Wentworth’s reputation with a promise of career advancement. Life was good! Flights to Fargus had become so common that this one included not only female passengers, but two children. The family directly across the shuttle included a man, his wife, an adorable year old son and a four year old girl I soon dubbed the rodent. She was under people’s legs, in every corner, in and out of the men’s and women’s bathrooms, in the galley. In short, she was every place there was a place, receiving no parental guidance. I chose to ignore her obnoxious behavior. With the good fortune I was enjoying, why would I allow myself to be bothered by anything? I sat back and studied the menu we had been given shortly after takeoff. One item caught my attention. I hadn’t eaten a pork chop in years. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. And they had creamed English peas. This was going to be a great meal. The flight attendant came along and asked for my dinner order. I ordered the pork chop, mashed potatoes and creamed peas, adding that I would not be displeased if there were extra creamed peas on my meal. She smiled and said “I’ll see what I can do.” She then moved to the seat in front of mine and prepared to take the order there. The occupant of that seat, a dignified looking lady with grey and black streaked hair was immediately antagonistic. “I’ll have none of this swill you serve. You will find, in your refrigerated unit, a box marked with my seat number. I am going to take a nap now. I expect you to awaken me in exactly three hours. At that time, I will have a glass of Brut Sparkling Wine with the chilled lobster from the refrigerator and a tossed salad. I will also have a two centimeter slice of fresh whole wheat bread. Do you understand?” Instead of slapping the old biddy as she should have, the attendant smiled and said “Yes, ma’am’” As she passed my seat, she rolled her eyes up and I gave her a small nod. Both of us were fully aware, as no doubt was the passenger in front of me, that Andromeda served only real food. None of that processed, reprocessed, dehydrated, re-hydrated garbage was ever served on any of their flights. The attendant rolled a cart down the aisle toward me, stopping two seats in front of me. She placed a bowl of soup in front of the man, who was sleeping. The cart then started in my direction again. I saw the rodent walk by the sleeping man as she started toward the front of the shuttle. Casually, she reached out and grasped his shirt sleeve, lifted his hand and dropped it into the bowl of soup. She never even slowed down until she reached the galley. As she turned into the galley, she looked back to see what had happened and grinned. The poor man must have thought he accidentally moved his hand into the soup while he was asleep and didn’t say anything. A few minutes later, I received my tray, a substantial metal tray, holding the very foods that I had requested. I smiled at the size of the pile of creamed peas. But first, a sip of that coffee with the wonderful aroma. I lifted the cup up to my mouth. When it reached my lower lip, I halted the progress of the cup. The coffee kept going, splashing hot liquid on my nose and forehead. Reflexes saved the eyes from being filled with the burning concoction. I immediately noticed several things in rapid sequence. The coffee now hung suspended at almost eye level. When I was burned, I instinctively jerked my legs upward, The tray was now up against the overhead. My pork chop was floating above my neatly folded suit jacket on my right side. I saw the mashed potatoes fly over my left shoulder. Where they went, I still don’t know. My wonderful creamed peas were suspended over the head of the woman in front of me. “Don’t panic,” I told myself, “Get the tray first, then gather all the food; put it on the tray and hold it all down until the problem is corrected.” The attendant pulled herself forward and into the galley. There she found the rodent suspended in air near the top of the galley. Somehow, she had found a way to climb to the top of the cabinet and, standing on her tip toes, she had disengaged the artificial gravity device. The attendant cradled the child in her left arm and reached over with the right hand and turned gravity back on. I reached for the tray , not daring to loosen my seat belt. Just as my fingertips touched the tray, it plummeted onto my lap. The coffee and cup fell onto my shirt front, though not together. The pork chop fell onto my suit coat. As I gingerly tried to remove the pork chop without doing any more damage to my coat, I felt the tray slide from my lap toward the aisle. As I turned my head in that direction, I came eye to eye with the woman from the seat in front of me. She now had a eight centimeter crown of creamed peas on her head. She also had my tray in her hand. I really shouldn’t have laughed, but I did. I just couldn’t help myself. And I paid dearly for it. That was when she started swinging the tray. The attendant heard the commotion and came running. As she tried to explain to the woman, she at least quit hitting me, though you could see she didn’t believe the explanation. The woman apologized for destroying the tray and started toward the forward bathroom area. She stopped once to straighten her clothing and glare back at me. At that moment, two English peas slid down her forehead and onto her nose. She stomped off to the bathroom. Not so much as an “I’m sorry.” No mention of the medical procedures I would have to endure on Fargus. Nothing! Just a glare. Through my left eye, now swollen half shut, I saw the rodent standing by her mother, grinning. It was probably my good fortune that there were so many witnesses present. Otherwise, I might have wound up in prison for child abuse. In retrospect, it might have been worth it. Mentally, I predicted the rodent would one day be responsible for an intergalactic war that would destroy all known civilization. And, she would grin while it happened. Upon arriving at Fargus Spaceport. I quickly retrieved my bags and rushed to the Medical Center where x-rays showed no permanent or life threatening afflictions were present. A quick trip into the Men’s room, a change of clothing and I was off to the Embassy, no worse for wear, except for the swollen left eye. In the lobby, I met the young family from the shuttle. I almost asked “Where is the rodent”, but I caught myself in time. Instead, I asked “Where is your little girl?” The man answered “We don’t have a little girl. If you’re referring to that brat on the shuttle, I don’t know who she belonged to.” His wife chimed in “She kept wanting to hold the baby, but there was no way we would allow that little imp to touch him.” “Strange,” I thought, but spent no more time worrying about it. I was overdue at the embassy and had to rush. Thankfully, the embassy car was still waiting at the curb when I exited the Spaceport. When I presented myself at the front door of the embassy, a staffer escorted me into Ambassador Wentworth’s office. The ambassador rose from behind his mahogany desk and met me halfway across the room. His demeanor was extremely warm, and the firm handshake gave the impression he was truly glad to see me. I soon realized why he was so well respected in the diplomatic field. He gave the impression that you were the most important person in the universe and you had his undivided attention. He was clad in the traditional blue pinstripe suit, perfectly manicured hair and bore a dignity without conveying the idea that he thought he was better than you. He quickly filled me in on the major events since the discovery of Fargus and its colonization. He didn’t try to give too much detail, just the basic history I needed to become a part of the staff. I found my mind wandering, trying to think of ways I might be able to extend the time of my posting to two, maybe three years. This was the dream posting of all postings. I could learn much from this man He completed the thumbnail history and then turned to my duties. “Actually, when I read your resume, I just knew you would be perfect for my problem. As you know, the life of an ambassador involves his whole being, family and more. My wife is getting on in years and could use a hand now and then with some of the matters she handles for me. Your job is to assist her whenever she feels she needs help. You’ll officially be working for me, but she will really be your supervisor. Excuse me.” With that, he picked up the telephone and spoke into it. “Liticia, your new assistant is here. Do you have time to come meet him now, darling? Very well, dear.” Oh, yes, you guessed it. But I didn’t, until she entered the room. Even without her creamed pea crown, I would have recognized her anywhere. And judging by the immediate scowl that came to her face, she recognized me, too. Something deep down in my being groaned “It’s going to be a long, long, long, long year.” The ambassador continued “And look. She has the light of my life with her. This is my great granddaughter Margaret, who will be staying with us while attending our excellent pre-school.” There, holding her great grandmother‘s hand, looking straight at me, stood Margaret. The rodent!! A cold shiver raced all over my body. As our eyes locked onto each other, her face broke into a broad grin!!! |