Loneliness

I don’t believe there is a single person on the planet that hasn’t experienced loneliness in one way or another.  The trick to understanding loneliness is first being able to define it, but only as it relates to your particular circumstances.  The reason I say this is that loneliness has different meanings and features for each of us and our particular circumstances.

Loneliness can result from so many different things, thus it is important to analyze and figure out the root cause of yours. These can include, but not be limited to, the following:
•          Death, divorce or the break up of a relationship
•          Empty nest syndrome
•          Self esteem issues
•          Lack of spiritual guidance
•          Unresolved emotions
•          No adult to adult interactions (like in the case of
                stay at home moms/dads.
•          Depression, Anxiety, and other mood related
                disorders 
•          Moving away from family and friends
•          Going away to college or university for the first
                time
•          Being caught in a boring routine or a “rut”
•          Lack of fulfillment whether in our daily lives,
                jobs, relationships, etc.,
•          And whatever else you choose to add

STEP ONE:  Identify the base source of your loneliness.  Make a list of all the contributing causes that you believe placed you in this current situation. Decide which factor(s) above apply to you and then proceed to step two.

STEP TWO: Research books, e-books, web blogs, etc., to find others in similar circumstances. Read their stories and note what they share in common, as well as what is different from your situation. Recognize that feeling down once in a while is perfectly natural; making it your lifestyle is not.

STEP THREE: Make a list of all the things you find that may help you move on.  Please understand that we all have an inherent need to belong as well as a primal need for recognition and acceptance.  These will not come to you in a gift wrapped box, you need to go out there and find them.

STEP FOUR: Don’t give up! If none of the above helps you, seek professional help.  Oftentimes help is available through local churches (yes, even if you don’t go to that church) or your local mental health clinic. Many medical clinics have free mental health advisors that you may seek free assistance from.  This does not mean that you are mentally ill (I HATE that word). It only means you are strong enough and brave enough to recognize you need help with a problem. Sometimes it only takes a visit or two and a fresh set of "ears" to get you back on track.

Please remember that misery loves company; so if your support system consists of “down” people who have “bitch sessions” just to whine about how much life sucks, this probably isn’t where you should be just now. I certainly don’t mean to suggest that you abandon your family and friends; I just mean to suggest that the more you concentrate on how miserable you are, then the more miserable you will stay.

Do not confuse loneliness with isolation all of the time.  If you haven’t been out of the house in three months this could very well be depression or isolation RESULTING in loneliness. Visit your local library, join online blogs, volunteer in your community, take a course online or at your community college – DO ANYTHING that gets you out of the house. Take a walk, look around you and give thanks for the many good things in life (and yes, even if it may not feel like it to you right now), there are many, many good things in this world.

Do not resort to empty prayers.  God is not going to shower you with cash; nor will he find some support group or counselor and just drop them into your life. Always remember that “God helps those who help themselves”.

Your journey back to a fulfilled life will not be easy. This is where so many of us fail; we perceive this journey as so difficult and so fraught with peril that we never even attempt to make the first move.  This results in us remaining exactly where we currently are, and from there it can only get worse.

We are so fortunate to live in a world where access to the web can provide you with so much free information.  If you don’t have a computer, join your local library (most are free to join) and take advantage of their computers.  If you can’t or don’t use a computer, every library has a self-help collection of books available for your use.

At the very least, you will discover that there are so many people in the world both in your same situation, and in many, many cases, in much more trying and difficult situations.  I am a great list maker and I love to journal my adventures. I find this of great benefit, as I am able to go back and read past entries.  This enables me to remove the “woe is me” sections (and yes, we all have many of those) and get right to the crux of the matter.

Do not resort to drugs, alcohol, one night stands, inappropriate relationships, etc., this will NOT help and will almost certainly make matters so very much worse. If this happens to you, return to step one and start over.  Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.

You know what? Life is difficult, very difficult sometimes. The old “two steps forward & three steps back” has never been so apparent. Maybe we can’t all go out there and change the world in one fell swoop; but we all CAN find the strength to go out there and change our own little world if we choose