Heart of doubt

It is already past eight o’ clock if Adam looks one last time in the mirror to see if everything is as he wants it to be: neatly styled hair, a smoothly shaved face and a nice perfume. These customizable factors along with his overall good looks will hopefully not lead to another failure of a night. Adam never gets why it goes wrong, but it always does. With his prominent yet sexy cheekbones and strong chin, many girls and women look at him as he passes by but never he managed to get more than just their temporarily attention. With a shrug, Adam turned away from the mirror and walked to his bedroom, where he already had his newly bought leather jacket lying on the bed, ready to take it and leave his house, hopefully not returning alone this time.

The boulevard is his first goal, most of the pubs and nightclubs are located there and it usually attracts a lot of people from all of the surrounding cities. Adam knew that it was usually a matter of time before he would get any female attention there but this time, he had a plan! He would not let anything ruin his relationship attempts this time, even though he never figured out what exactly the ruining factor is. As he parked his car and slowly walked to the boulevard, he rehearsed his plan for the night over and over again. He would first take a casual stance which would hopefully attract a girl for a chat. Slowly he would then switch the subject to more relationship oriented, in which he had to pray that the girl that approached him was still single. If she wasn’t… well it’s always easier to end a conversation than to start one.
The night went on and at ten o’ clock, Adam’s plan seemed to fail once again. As he leaned casually, maybe even with a slight look of disinterest in his surroundings, against the bar of a nightclub, he felt how female eyes were following his movements. Neither of those eyes, however, gave the message to the brains of their owner that Adam needed: “Go to that guy, talk with him!” He sighed and turned to the barkeeper to order another beer. As he tried to take a sip from the beer, someone fell against him, making him spill all his beer over himself and the figure on the floor. With a curse, he turned around to see who the hell did this to him. As he looked down, he felt himself gasping for air. What he saw was not the clumsy, ugly guy he expected to see, the opposite was more true. He looked into two almond shaped, deep brown eyes with slight accents of make-up on the eyelids giving the eyes a mysterious nearly magical look. They looked helpless and sorry. For the first time, Adam didn’t think but quickly kneeled down and helped the girl out of her uncomfortable position. As she stood up right, he took her in completely. Brown eyes, a small but well formed nose and beautiful lips which were neither too full nor too thin. Dark blonde hair played around her face in curly strings. She was a little smaller than he was and her body was clearly in good shape, as if she trained often. Adam stared and the girl stared back. Adam was unable to stop his thoughts, he could not find any script which could give him a clue for a next action. He was drowned, drowned in the eyes of this girl.

“Excuse me but… well I guess we are both a bit confused by the situation. I just wanted to say that erm…” the girl couldn’t find her words and Adam was still staring in awe and admiration at the girl. This must be the most beautiful girl on earth, for sure. As he dreamed on about a possible future, he suddenly realized how odd the position was in which they were. They were still standing next to the bar, both wet and smelly from the beer and somehow, Adam’s hands were placed at her waist. He quickly removed his hands and started looking frantically for something to offer her to dry her face a bit. The girl smiled at the sight of the guy in front of her searching clumsily for something.
“It’s really no problem, it will dry eventually… I should repay you for your drink instead!” Without any further questions, she walked up to the barkeeper and ordered two beers. As she handed Adam his beer, she gestured him to follow her to a table. Adam doubted for a second but soon decided that he had nothing to lose. After all: which girl would approach him whilst he smelled like an alcoholic.

For a while, they sat opposite of each other, sipping from their beer. Adam’s thoughts bounced through his head and several times he thought of a start for a conversation, but never he found it good enough. If he could just…
“So, since silence is not the most informative way… my name is Gillian. I’m from a town a little further to the north of here. What is your name? I never saw you before.”
Adam wanted to word it all carefully, but the openness he saw in Gillian took a barrier away for him. He started telling about who he was, where he was from and what he usually did except saving girls from a beer shower. Within minutes, Adam found himself talking as if he knew Gillian for years. Not only was she beautiful, she was also a great conversational partner. Adam had never been so open to a girl that he knew for only an hour. Without noticing it, the conversation switched to their past relationships and experiences around dates.

“Well,” Gillian exclaimed with a giggle, “I recently broke up with my boyfriend, found out he was cheating on me with another girl. It broke me down back then but now, I don’t think I really care. I mean, he wasn’t that fantastic after all. I seek romance and care… not a hotdog next to an obese football supporter in a stadium.”
Adam laughed. “I can understand that, a relationship means more than just eating hotdogs together. Though I never had a serious relationship… somehow I never managed to find the right girl. They all seem so distant, so confusing. I just don’t know… thought about it a lot but never managed to solve the puzzle.” Adam emptied his glass of beer. “But who knows, the world is a playground and with so many people, you’ll always find someone who enjoys your playing style.”
Gillian nodded in sudden, serious agreement. For a moment, Adam thought he said too much or the wrong things. His heartbeat increased and he felt drops of sweat emerge on his back. He could not ruin it, not now. It went so good, why did he have to say that? “This playground gives us numerous possibilities, yet only one seems to be the right one… I thought I found it but I thought wrong.” Gillian moved her head so it was closer to Adam, who could not do anything else than look in her eyes. A slight twinkle, a caring look and something he didn’t recognize were mixed in those eyes. Without thinking or considering if it was the right thing to do, Adam moved his hand to her cheek and touched it gently. She didn’t retreat nor reacted with negative affect.

“How about… we go get some fresh air? It’s getting crowded in here.” Adam’s tone did not hide his uncertainty but Gillian didn’t hesitate about his proposal. She grabbed her jacket and handed Adam’s. While Adam paid for their drinks, he felt how she softly stroked his lower back as she walked by. A slight shiver ran through his body, never he felt something like that. He quickly followed Gillian, who already reached the door and took in the fresh air relieved. Whilst Adam joined her side, she stared in the distance and closed her eyes for a moment. He could hear the sea from here, maybe…?

“Shall we walk towards the beach? I know a really small but quiet little club there. It’s about ten minutes from here, maybe a little longer if we walk slowly.” Adam’s nervousness was gone, his voice was calm and warm again. With the tenderness he always possessed, he put his arm on Gillian’s shoulder, making her to face him. She smiled, the twinkle in her eyes wasn’t gone yet. Adam couldn’t help but feel excited though he knew he had to control himself now. Whilst he stroke Gillian’s hair gently, she turned to the direction he pointed at and started walking. Slightly confused by this sudden action, Adam followed her, keeping his hands in the pockets of his jeans. During the walk, neither of them spoke. They both seemed captured in their own minds, with Adam thinking of all the possible scenario’s in which this beautiful evening would end in an utter disappointment. So many things that could go wrong, so many mistakes he could make. He wanted a plan, he felt like he needed one but for once, his mind refused to cooperate as if it wanted to tell him something. No, this time he could not rely on his mind, he could not rely on one of the many scripts that he had available to him. This night was special and special nights need unique scripts. As he reached that conclusion, he saw the lights of the club he intended to go to in the distance. He looked to the side, Gillian was just staring towards the lights. As they came closer, she halted and looked at Adam.

“Actually… I would love to walk along the shoreline. It’s a fantastic night to look at the stars.” She looked hopefully at Adam, who smiled back and pointed at a small road that leads towards the beach. “We can go via there, it will lead us through the sand dunes. I know a place where we can enjoy the scents and melody of the sea whilst enjoying the stars.” Gillian nodded and smiled happily at Adam. As they walked down the road, she grabbed his hand and exclaimed with a giggle that he needed to lead her through the darkness. Adam laughed and spotted with this sudden change in the independent attitude he had seen so far. As Gillian defended herself somewhat, she allowed how Adam pulled her closer towards himself. By the time they reached the sand dune they were heading for, Gillian’s head was leaning on Adam’s shoulder.
“Look… those stars together form the head of a rabbit. Can you see how one of its ears is hanging slightly? I think he is lonely…” Adam lead Gillian’s hand as they painted the form of a rabbit’s head in the sky. Gillian’s head rested on Adam’s shoulder and his arm was around her waist, supporting her while she leaned against him with her body. Gillian sighed and closed her eyes. Adam looked to the side and saw how she was completely calm. With his now free hand, he stroked through her hair, letting his fingers play with the curls of her hair. At the moment his hand reached her back, he felt how Gillian put her hand on his as she turned her head towards his face. As she slowly sat up right and moved her free hand towards Adam’s cheek, she closed her eyes and moved her face closer to Adam’s. For a split second, he was too surprised to do anything but at the moment her lips touched his, he forgot all his surprise, all his doubt. He could taste the sweetness of her lips, he could feel the softness of the skin on her cheeks. As she broke contact, she tenderly placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head up a little, just enough for their eyes to make contact.

“Adam… this was by far the best evening I’ve had in a long, long time.”