Hidden Pasts. Dark Secrets. Chapters 1-5

Chapter 1: The Move
The low buzz of the alarm clock in my bedroom awoke my peaceful dreaming. Automatically, I stretched my arm across my bed to turn my alarm clock off. I rolled over and tried to fall back asleep. Inconveniently, the shades that hung in font of my windows were already split apart and the late afternoon sunshine filled my room. The bright light hurt my eyes so I forced them closed. The sound of loud footsteps charged up the stairs and came closer to my room. Thunderous fists banged against my door.
"Wake up," my stepmother Evelyn screeched. "Today's the day."
"Yeah, today's the day," I muttered.
I sighed to myself loudly. Today was the day I would have to be moving. How could it be just two weeks after my father's death? Why in the worst time, should I be moving? I'm moving away from this peace, serenity and love that once dwelled in this very home. It's as if all my comforts are being stripped from my reach.
The feeling of pain and depression swam through my veins. I hated change, and with my dad dying and having to move, things were just getting worse.
I rolled over in my bed and hopped out, way too quickly. Blood rushed to the top of my head and throbbed. I fell on my knees, beside my bed.
"Let's go Lacey," my stepmother screamed from the bottom of the stairs.
"I'm coming," I spoke softly. I held my hands to my head for a few moments until it stopped to spin. I heard Evelyn move some boxes downstairs and bring them to her car. I even heard Evelyn swear and mutter something under her breath.
"Great," I thought. Evelyn was already in a bad mood.
I never got used to the fact that my father had to marry such a malicious woman. Her name is only laughter in my mind, Evelyn.
She and I never became close. We were just two different people with no similarities. When my mother died of childbirth, I only wanted my father happy—since it was my fault she died. But did he have to marry this witch? I was stuck everyday seeing her face full of freckles and seeing all the make-up that covered her face. She also wore massive amounts eyeliner and other make-up, just to make her look like she's twenty instead of forty-five. Not to mention her permanently damaged skin from all her monthly tanning booth sessions.
She whined all the time, complained over everything and made my father work himself to death for her—literally. He wasted too much money on her and too much time trying to make her happy. For that, I blame her for my father's death.
I sat down on my bed, and looked around my room. The empty lime green walls of my room, showed brought memories of my past life. One week ago, my room was full of pictures of my old friends and my family. A dresser used to stand in the corner of the room and my desk was next to it. My small table held my miniature TV, which used to be at the foot of my bed. I looked back on the great memories that happened in this house.
My fourteenth birthday party was here and my dad threw the biggest party ever. My dad surprised me with an Under the Sea theme. The whole house was decorated in designs of sea animals, mermaids and treasure chests. Large banners hung on every wall and I remembering feeling like I was actually underwater. The whole time, I was in the spotlight—something I never enjoy.
Evelyn and my dad had their luxurious fifteenth anniversary party here too.
I remembered all the little things that happened too. I was always so happy to live here, and now everything was going to change. I was going to move to a new house and have to start my life all over.
I quickly pulled my hands over my eyes and began to cry. I didn't want to live this place. Why couldn't Evelyn just leave me alone and I'll stay here by myself. I sighed, and knew it was a ridiculous idea. I stood up off my bed and I grabbed my iPod. I shuffled threw some of my favorite songs, I took my black and white checkered tote and raced down the stairs.
I traced my fingers over the purple, silk colored walls, as I went down the stairs. I walked through my house, trying to keep this memory alive. I saw Evelyn was already in the car, things packed and ready. I closed the door behind me, taking a quick glimpse of the house I so loved. I knew I would never see this house again. I didn't want to think about this move.
We rode down the freeway going slow as usual in our bright pink '03 BMW. I hated this car so much, not so much the color and car but the looks we got when we rode in it. I felt the need to crawl up in a ball and hide from my life every time I saw someone point a finger at us and laugh. Evelyn had no problem with it. My theory is that she only bought this car in this disgusting color, to get herself more attention.
I turned up my iPod loud as usual, just to avoid those awkward silences that I hate so much. I was exhausted from the last-minute packing Evelyn made me do last night. I couldn't sleep either because I knew I had to leave San Diego the next day.
I glanced out of the passenger's seat window. The highway seemed to stretch for miles. Occasionally, you would see some barren hills with expensive homes on them. Wildlife wasn't too common here. Across a small river, several skylines passed us. The sun reflected off the windows and sparkled in the water. I turned around in my seat. I starred back at my city.
"Sit down, Lacey. Get over yourself." Evelyn's voice was raspy and thick. In my mind I thought, maybe I should get over myself. I sank back down into my seat, but turned my body away from her. My eyelids became suddenly heavy and I fell fast asleep.
I woke up to the low roar of the car's engine and I saw the airport staring me in the face.
The question is, Why am I moving?
Since my father just passed, living in a luxurious mansion for two people in San Diego, wasn't good enough for Evelyn. She wanted to move somewhere different, like a place to start over. The place she was thinking of was Appleton, Wisconsin. Why there? Well, her unbelievably gorgeous and sweet brother, Tod lived there.
I wonder how Evelyn and Tod were only fifteen months apart but were two totally different people. I only met Tod a few times—at the wedding, Evelyn's fortieth birthday and the funeral. But the three times I met him were amazing. He always brought me presents like I was four years old—but I secretly loved them so much. He was always happy and never asked for anything. His humble personality made him very likeable to everyone, and I could tell that Evelyn was jealous.
As we pulled up closer to the airport, I tried not to think of what was happening. Reality was finally setting in. I wanted to stay behind and be with my friends and my boyfriend Gavin. He was an amazing, loving and sweet boy. He was an eighteen year-old senior, about to go off to college and I was only a sixteen year-old junior who had no intentions to finish high school. But somehow we became madly in love. It was hard for me to leave him. He and I were so close. Our personalities were exactly the same. We loved to listen to our favorite love songs on my iPod, watch horror movies all night long and just be ourselves. He and I say we are still together but a long distant relationship is hard to hold. I'm still not sure who will end this relationship first. But I didn't want to think about losing him now.
Evelyn slowed to a stop in front of the entrance of the airport. She hoped out and gave the keys to the valet. She gave him a note and moved to the back of her car.
"Lace, it's almost time to go. Get all your things. I wanna make this quick and get it over with." Evelyn was always impatient.
We both sighed and she hurried to grab all 8 of her bags. As she dragged her bags down to the front lobby, I lethargically took my time. Leaning against on the side of our car I found "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot on my one piece of technology—my iPod. I sang along, maybe too loudly, and collected everything I needed. I knew this would be one of the last times I would see San Diego.
I traced my fingers over the dents and bumps in the car. I watched the valet drive away. I flipped some of my bags over my arms and walked into the airport. I didn't want to find Evelyn. I just wanted to drop all my things are run back to our house. Instead, Evelyn yanked me back by my sweatshirt and we walked deeper into the airport.

Chapter 2: Ice cold
Light peered through the crack of the window. The plane seemed so smooth and graceful as it flew through the clouds. Every fear of crashing and falling to the ground or getting hit by an incoming plane had vanished from my brain after take-off. The only reason was, was that I was keeping the memory of my dad fresh in my mind. Imagining him sitting next to me helped me relax. The sounds of small chatter, laughter and arguments filled the large plane. I saw Evelyn, snoring away in the seat next to me. The man sitting next to her, was pinned to his chair because her arm was clamped against his small body. I felt bad but I knew if I tried to touch Evelyn, she would explode and get severely angry with me. Two hours passed and we were getting close to reaching Wisconsin. The battery had finally died in my iPod and I started to feel grumpy.
The airplane was finally landing. My ears began to pop, so I started to chew on some gum. Someone once told me that helped. I heard the pilot come on the intercom and say we would be landing in a few minutes.
As soon as the plane touched the ground, I scrambled out of my seat to get my carry-on bags. Evelyn had already woken up by then. She never once apologized to the man. He gave her repulsive looks and walked away.
I trudged off the plane and walked through the narrow hallway. It opened up to a wide, open scene. I saw thousands of people in the small airport named Outagamie County Regional Airport. We were here. We were finally in Wisconsin. We waited for our bags, and it seemed like it was forever. I watched the people pass me by. Most seemed to be in a rush but others seemed to stroll back and forth, impatiently. A burst of cool air poured into the crowded airport. The cold air stung my legs. I never felt this kind of cold weather before. Apparently it was 10° F and I only had Gavin's old baseball shorts, my black converse shoes, my favorite floral t-shirt and my dad's old worn out gray sweatshirt on. I stuck my hands inside my pockets, closing my eyes and trying not to think of where I was. As we saw our bags, Evelyn and I desperately searched for our jackets. In a mad rush we got everything and Evelyn was already calling Tod and telling him we arrived, while trying to get a cab for us. I swerved quickly to my right bumping into a tall handsome figure.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I am so sorry," I said revealing all my stuffed animals, my diary filled with love notes from Gavin and pictures of my dad.
"It's quite alright. Let me help you with that." His heavy British accent caught me by surprise and with his words my knees became weak.
"Uh, uh," I scrambled for words, embarrassed by what just happened. "Thanks."
We both looked up simultaneously and his ice cold, light blue eyes almost stopped my heart. His skin had the most perfect tan shade and his face was gorgeous. His bright blond hair with brown streaks sparkled as the perfect curls rolled onto his forehead. His 6'3 stature and his strong build made him irresistible. I looked away, realizing that i was staring at him. He winked and walked away. I hoped it wouldn't be the last time I'd see him—because he was now my mystery man. As Evelyn yelled to me with impatient arms folded across her body, I rushed, still in a daze by what happened. I smiled to myself keeping his face in my mind and hurried to her.
Once we hopped into the cab, she was complaining to Tod on the phone of how cold it was and how his house better be warm. I glanced to see the cab driver roll his eyes at her. I laughed silently.
"Well Tod is meeting us at some fancy restaurant. He says it's great there." Under her breath I heard her say, "I wonder how bad Wisconsin food is."
The cab driver dropped us off about 2 miles from the airport. We stopped at a place called Harvey and Glen's Diner. We hoped out of the cab and smell great home cooked meals lingered from inside the diner, but I could smell it from outside. We hurried out of the cold weather and scurried into the diner to find Tod waiting at a booth for us. He flashed us a smile, showing his amazing white teeth.
"Hey Lace" he spoke with enthusiasm. "How was the flight?"
"Eh, long," I admitted without hesitation. "I couldn't get much sleep though, too jet-lagged." And it was the truth. The different in hours from San Diego to here wasn't so bad but it started to make my head dizzy.
We sat down in the comfy brown booth. I glanced around in the diner. I noticed a lot of stuffed-wild life hung on the walls. I cringed at the sight of seeing a poor deer get shot just to be a mantle place.
Our waitress came over.
"Hey everybody," she seemed to gleam with excitement." You must be Tod's family. He's been talking a whole lot about you all. Especially you deary."
I looked up to see her warm light brown eyes looking right at me. I noticed her crooked teeth that filled her smile that had stretched across her face. I took a quick glance at Tod, smiling.
"So hon can I get you something?" Our waiter still smiled at me as she spoke.
"Sure," I flipped through the small menu. "A caesar salad and one large chocolate milk, please." She nodded and wrote down my order in a small notebook.
We all ordered what we wanted. Tod got a steak with a buttered potato, along with French fries and Evelyn ordered a cheeseburger with onion rings and French fries also. I started to become sort of a vegetarian after the death of my dad. I was too sad to eat, so I stuck to veggies and dairy—plain, healthy food. While we waited for our food, Evelyn and Tod chatted about the weather and his house.
"Why does it have to be so cold? How can you stand it here?" Evelyn asked with an intense attitude in her words. But Tod just smiled and shrugged her off.
Tod was a tall man. He had very pale skin with thick dark brown hair. He had a lot of wrinkles on his forehead and his cheeks were bright red, as if he was blushing. I turned to Evelyn to see creases on her forehead also and dark bags under her eyes. It looked like she hasn't slept in days. Her bright red lipstick was almost blinding me.
I thought to myself about how Evelyn was right. It was tremendously cold and my whole body was numb to the bone. I glanced out the window to see something fall from the sky, something like snow. I stared blankly at the fine white crystals that fell from high above us. I have seen snow but not this much, it seemed like almost 2 feet. I wished to be at the beach—where it was warm. I twisted my finger through my short black hair, remembering the good times in San Diego. I remembered when just 4 weeks ago I had long, wavy honey-colored hair that draped over my collarbone, that flowed with the wind at the beach. Now my black hair only reached to the bottom of my chin and my bangs hung in front of my eyes. I sighed, missing the warmth that San Diego had. I happened to glance out the window to see a tall, familiar man leaning against the back of his mini cooper. I assumed he was looking at me with his crisp eyes. I tried to remember how I knew him. I turned away quickly to see if he wasn't really there. I glanced back hesitantly, to see him still there. He was still staring at me, almost in an angry way. Frightened, I closed my eyes, trying not to remember his face.
But it clicked.
He was the same guy I had run into at the airport. But his smile was faded and his eyes were dark and angry. When i looked back to be sure it was him, he was gone. I felt scared and confused at the same time. A sense of uncertainty filled my mind. I felt dizzy. Why was he angry with me? What have I done to him? I felt hurt by his stare. I tried to ignore what I saw, when finally our food had arrived. Hopefully talking to Tod will get this mystery man out of my mind.

Chapter 3: Confusion
Half way through our meal, Tod spoke up.
"So, I have a pretty average size house," he started. "There are only two bedrooms and one bathroom." Before he could say anything else, Evelyn stood up, angry about what she heard. She went on about how stupid it was to move here and how it couldn't possibly work. The whole time Evelyn's mouth went running like crazy, Tod just sat there listening. In his eyes I saw no hurt, no frustration just bleakness. Finally after giving it a chance and mumbling some swears under her breath, Tod began again.
"The house is only a few blocks down from your new school Lace. It's a great school for you. It's a school for the arts. I enrolled you there because of your creativity to draw." He was right. Ever since I was a few months old I would draw, paint or even scribble but somehow it came out to look great. I loved to draw from my feelings. After my dad's passing I had only drew darkness and rage—especially towards Evelyn. She never cared too much to notice my great artistic skills. I was pleased to hear that I was going to a school where I could pursue my dreams.
"Thanks so much Tod," is all i could say. My head was still dizzy and i was still confused why my mystery man gave me those angry looks. I tried to shake it off. By the time our dessert came, which was apple cobbler, Evelyn started to complain again. She whined about how she missed her baby—her car. Tod tried to reassure her saying that it would be coming in a few weeks.
Walking out of the diner, Tod led us the way to his house. On the way over I saw a group of girls laughing. For a slight second, I thought they were my friends from California. I was so close to sprinting over to them, hugging them while crying and complaining how cold it was. But when they passed us, the two girls smiled and waved at us. I finally realized it wasn't my old friends. I sank back into my grumpy mood and walked on. I blew in my hands to keep them warm. I felt chills crawl down my spine every minute. So far, Wisconsin was dreadful. But my father always told me to accept the hard times in my life and live with my surroundings. I remembered this, so I thought I would give it a try. Tod put his arm over my shoulder to keep me warm. Evelyn went on about how Wisconsin is too dark, too cold and not enough people. Tod and I looked at each other rolled ours eyes and laughed; we knew it would be hard living with Evelyn. But as a good brother, he would accept it.
We finally reached Tod's two-story house. It was a faded tan color. The snow hung on the top of the roof, dripping into the gutters. We walked inside to see and family room right in front of us.
"Please, take your shoes off. I'll turn the heat up for you two." His family room was a deep shade of red. He had one couch with a hole ripped in one of the arms. He had a rocking chair next to the small TV. Next to the family room was an open kitchen with a table to eat at. It had white, almost tan walls. The stainless steel appliances reminded me of home. Tod suddenly grabbed me by my elbow and pulled me up the stairs. He put his hands over my eyes.
"Shh…it's a surprise. Try not to peek," he said with excitement. It seemed like hours until finally he pulled his hands away.
"It's your bedroom!" The room had lavender walls—which happened to be my favorite color. There was a bed with a large card on it. There was a new desk in the corner. Three large windows let the twilight rays from the sun seep in. I was so ecstatic that I couldn't find any words to say.
"Thank you so much Tod," I spoke with joy. "This room is perfect, it's so small. But it makes it perfect.
"I wanted to give you a welcoming gift so a few buddies of mine helped decorate this room. One of my friends, Bob Monroe has a daughter named Tess, she helped picked out the colors. She thought of what a teenager like yourself would enjoy." His voice was very low but full of happiness. I hugged Tod and thanked him once more. He smiled once more then left, closing the door behind him. I gazed once more at the vibrant room, and then sat down to read the letter.
Dear Lacey,
I want you to enjoy it here. I know it is different then San Diego but I hope you'll enjoy it. I know that you were very close to your father. But I too, have experienced a great loss in my life so I understand how you feel. Learn to accept Wisconsin; I know you'll learn to love it. But who knows what will happen with Bertha. Stay strong and happy while you're at it.
Tod.
After reading the card, I still felt confused. Who did Tod lose? Why would he know I'd like it here? But all I knew for certain so that there was no going home. I heard Evelyn and Tod mumble something about where she would sleep. I didn't want to hear them argue so I put one of the light purple pillows over my face, hoping to not hear them.
What seemed like minutes, turned to hours. I shot up out of my bed, screaming. I had my first nightmare. I sat up way to fast, and all the blood started to rush to my head. A wave of dizziness came over me. I flopped back down to my bed. I saw him in my dream, my mystery man. His ice-cold eyes were black in my mind. He held hands with the two girls on the street and danced in a circle. They laughed at me, called me outsider, loner, cali-girl, and whole list of names. They would kick me and laugh while I cringed and tried to escape. I had no jacket on and my body started to go numb. I thought I was being left to die. His dark black eyes met mine. He reached for his pocket, slowly–dramatically. I shuddered and looked away. I heard him laugh at me, then felt something sharp dig into my side. Then I woke up, sweat rolling down my face. My hands were in fists. I slowly reached down to feel my side–it felt fine. I knew I was overreacting. In the back of my mind I asked myself, was he really trying to hurt me? Or even worse, kill me? I stumbled out the door and walked through the thin hallway. I stopped in front of where Evelyn was snoring away. I assumed this was Tod's room but he wants to make her happy, so he let her sleep there. I slowly glided down the stairs, hoping not to wake Evelyn. Each step creaked underneath my feet. As soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs, i turned towards the kitchen. I saw Tod spread out on the pullout bed from the couch. Poor Tod, I thought. I scavenged around the kitchen, looking for food or anything else to help my boredom. I found a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, got a bowl and began to eat. I could hear snoring coming from the other room, but I heard something else too. It sounded like footsteps from behind me. I turned hesitantly to my left. But no one was there. It was silent then. Only the sound of wind blew outside the windows. I started to eat my Cheerios more rapidly, trying to get back upstairs. When I was done, I got up quickly bolted towards the sink. But my foot caught the leg of the table and I landed face first against the floor, spilling milk everywhere.
I scattered around the kitchen to pick up the bowl and clean the floor when a voice whispered into my ear saying, "Let me help you with that". I looked up and saw his pale blue eyes looking straight at me. A smile held wide across his face. I was speechless. I started to reach out to touch his face—to make sure he was real, but he turned his face away and flew out the door. He ran faster then any other person I know. Almost like lightning. All I felt was the wind he left behind. Luckily Tod and Evelyn didn't hear me fall. I got and put everything away but I didn't feel my body moving. My mind stayed clear on his face. His smile was brought back to my mind. I tried not to believe he was there. But I knew that he was. He was watching me. I wasn't sure why. I felt my knees become weak underneath me. I fell slowly, hitting my head against the knob of the counter, under the sink. My hands gripped the cabinets on both sides of me. My eyes fogged over with tears of fear. But my mind ran visions of his brilliant warm eyes. His face and smile was stuck in my mind.
I whispered in a weak voice, "Please come back." I was wishing he would un right back through the front door and swoop me up and take me away, but nothing happened. One part of me started to feel happy and another part of me became scare. The happy part was that maybe that he wasn't mad at me, and that maybe he wanted to see me. The scary part was that he, for sure, was in my house—watching me. He seemed so real. My head throbbed with an unbearable pain.
"Am I crazy?" I thought. "He couldn't be in my house. It has to be a dream." But I had to be sure. Confusion filled my brain and my body went numb. I sat helplessly on the kitchen floor, wondering for answers.

Chapter 4: Voices
A muffled voice was calling my name. “Lacey, Lacey, girl.” I could barely open my eyes. Ice-cold hands touched my cheeks to wipe away the moisture on my face–tears. I lifted my eyes to see Tod’s worried brown eyes, wide, staring at me.
“Oh Lacey, what’s wrong. Please! Is everything alright?” His mouth was running so fast, I couldn’t hear anymore.
I cut him off in mid-sentence. “Tod, it’s okay. I just had a bad dream about my dad.” I lied.
His worried eyes still stuck to mine. He knew there was more but he wouldn’t bother me. I tried to wipe my eyes and the remaining tears on my face. I looked around where I was. I was still on the kitchen floor. My arms were wrapped around my knees. I realized I never made it up to bed. I was so shaken up by what I saw last night. I was trying to ignore it now. So I tried to stand up, a little too fast, and blood started to rush to my head.
“Geez, Lacey. You get light headed a lot don’t you,” Tod said as he caught me before I fell.
That wasn’t a question. I do get light headed a lot. I’m also unbelievably clumsy. I can’t walk 20 feet without falling.
I glanced at the clock, as I sat at the kitchen table. 10:15 A.M. I sighed, as Tod brought me some Pop-Tarts from the toaster. 

“Here you go Lace. You um...look kinda starved. So I want you to eat before we go into town.” His voice was low with no enthusiasm. He was still worried about me.
“Thanks Tod. But you don’t have to worry about me. I just had a nightmare. It’s normal.” I tried to sound as relaxed as possible. I took a small bite of the strawberry Pop-Tart. I looked back up at Tod’s worried face. I sighed. I knew he didn’t buy it. “Um,” I started. “You said we’re going into town?”
“Yes. I want to show you your school, my office where I work and some places around town where you can hang out.” His voice was still low but he tried to sound excited for me.
I
After nibbling a piece of my Pop-Tart, Tod started to speak again.
“Your school, Lacey, is a great school. It is sorta like a magnet school for the arts. There are musicians, artists, photographers, and dancers. Do you remember hearing me mention Bob Monroe?” I nodded, trying to think what Tod said about him. “Well his daughter Tess goes there and she’s a dancer and an artist. I heard that the school is great for artists. So I decided to have you go there. Is that okay?” He looked at me with questioning eyes.
“Yes, that’s perfect Tod. Thanks.” I got up and hugged him. I tried to sound happy, just to have him stop worrying about me. I started for the stairs to get dressed. When Tod abruptly said, “Lacey, you know I love you. So I want you to have a great time here. I don’t want to push you to do anything that you don’t like.” He looked down, almost if he had hurt me.
“Tod, I know you’re looking out for me. But everything you’ve done so far for me is great." I shot a smile at him, hoping he’ll believe me. He did and smiled back.
Walking slowly up the stairs, I could still hear Evelyn snoring. I glanced in her room, to see her sprawled out in the queen size bed. One of her arms dangled on the side of the bed while her mouth lay open. She hated being disturbed, especially when she sleeps. So I darted quickly to my room. I made my bed and put Tod’s card into one of the drawers in the wooden desk. I took my three bags full of clothes, pictures, and my past life in San Diego. I started to put my clothes into the empty dresser. I looked at one of my bags. It sat, quietly on my bed. Memories overflowed my brain—of him. This was the bag that helped me meet him. His face seemed to creep back into my mind. I stood up and tried to shake it off.
But the memory of his gorgeous face remained in my head.
I finally got dressed, in my favorite pair of Nike sweats and a black long-sleeved shirt. I pulled my father’s gray sweatshirt over. I walked in front of the mirror on my door. I saw my wild hair and my smeared makeup. I brushed all the knots out of my hair and washed the makeup off my face. I thought I looked half decent.
I heard Tod’s voice call down to me, saying we had to leave soon. I raced out of my room with more excitement then I thought I had. I shot a quick glance into Evelyn’s room. She wasn’t there. Then suddenly I heard a plate drop on the kitchen floor, then some swears coming out of her mouth. “That’s Evelyn for you,” I thought to myself. I passed Evelyn, without saying anything to her. She never cared if I talked to her or not.
I looked out the front door to see Tod calling me from inside his truck. I closed the door behind me and ran, maybe too fast to his truck. Seconds before I reached his truck, my feet stumbled from underneath me and I went flying. I hit the pavement, head on. I struggled to sit up. A soft, soothing voice whispered into my ear. “Be careful little girl.” I turned slowly, recognizing the smooth British voice. But no one was there. Tod quickly jumped out of the car and helped me up.
My eyes still wandered to seek his face but no one was in sight. Tod pulled me up and carried me into the house and laid me on the couch. I felt no pain but blood seeped out of my palms and dipped from my elbow to my wrist. He quickly wrapped my arms in gauze and put medicine on my hands. I was looking for him, hoping he’d show up. But no one came. My hands began to throb when I came back to reality. Tod, scared out of his mind, sat quietly next to me. He began to ask questions if I was okay and if anything hurt.
In a daze, I still turned to him and lied. “ I’m okay Tod. You know how clumsy I am. It’s normal.” I tried to laugh–tried to do something to get the worried look of his face. “You’ll see it a lot around here,” I smiled.
When he figured I was okay he said of something about in an hour we can leave, if I was okay. I nodded, going back into a daze. Tod got up and sat with Evelyn talking about how happy she’s here. His voice rang in my ears. Why was I hearing his voice? Last night and now today. I desperately wanted to find him and ask why he was in my mind. Hearing his voice today only made me want him more. Was I beginning to obsess over him? I sighed and laid my head back against the couch. My eyes began to get heavy and my eyelids closed. Suddenly, his face was right in front of mine. The ice-cold eyes were stating straight at me. There was no smile on his face. Only fear. My trembling hands reached up to touch his smooth face. Again, before my hands touched his face, he turned away. But this time he grabbed my hands. An electric shock came from his fingertips and surged through my body. He winked, his familiar wink, then got up and ran–fast as the wind. My hands stood in place. My body began to shake. Then a hand lightly touched my shoulder. My eyes slowly opened to see Tod smiling at me. “We’ll go out tomorrow then.” I sat up to see only darkness. It was night. And he was only in my dream, but I wanted to believe it was real. I so desperately hoped he was really here.
I began to crave him.

Chapter 5: The Past
The warmth of a blanket over my cold body made me feel better. The pillow behind my head was softer then I thought. I felt warm and safe, except for the cold hands that held my own. I still didn't know where I was. I tried to open my eyes, but I didn't want to stop seeing him. I heard voices in the background.
"She's fine, okay? Get over yourself! It's not like she's dying." Evelyn's voice was harsher then I expected it.
"NO!" a deep voice turned fierce. "She is obviously in pain and I am going to protect her! Ok?" I realized that Tod was the one talking. I wasn't sure how much he cared for me, until now.
I flickered my eyes open to see Tod, with his worried eyes again, looking at me. He started to cry—something I never wanted to see. He mumbled something like, "Thank you, God," but the sound of my racing heartbeat in my ears made it difficult to hear–I could barely hear myself breathe. I looked up at him with warm eyes, trying to comfort him. He looked more scared then I have ever seen him. His tears were streaming down his pale face and seeing this–tears rolled down my face, as well. I must have had that nightmare again. My body was wrapped up in a ball and my fists were closed–as if I was ready to punch someone. He knew it wasn't the passing of my father that was hurting me. He wanted to know so badly, but Evelyn was hovering over us. His hard voice cracked as he told her to leave. Once she groaned a few times and mumbled something under her breath, she left. When the door in my room closed behind her, Tod sat up on my bed next to me. His gentle hands pushed my hair out of my eyes.
"Hon, please tell me what's bothering you," his voice almost sounded like he was pleading. "I know that it's more then just…your father. Please let me know. I care about you and I probably understand how you feel."
The last part was twisted in my ears. How could he understand why this mystery man was in my head all the time and he was causing me pain and happiness at the same time. I just wanted to know this boy and confront him. I knew I couldn’t explain this all to Tod.
"Um," I wasn't sure how to start this. "It is mostly because of my dad, you know? I feel hurt and w-w-worried, maybe for myself but in some strange way, Evelyn too." I fooled myself, realizing that true feelings were behind this lie.
"Evelyn?" he stared at me with a lot of confusion on his face. "Why for her? All she's does is mope around and control you. How can you feel worried about her?"
"It's simple; she only does this 'cause she's hurt more then I am. She is covering her pain and trying to hide it from everyone. The only part that is left of her is her controlling, selfish, and annoying side." The words flew out of my mouth. That sounded too real. I tried thinking to myself—is that really how she feels? I made it sound more convincing then I thought.
"Wow. I probably wouldn’t look at it like that, but I think you're right." He looked up at the ceiling. His eyes turned from worry to wonder. He believed it. And maybe I believed it too. Why else would she be more aggressive and selfish then normal?
He turned to me again and bent down to kiss my forehead.
"I suppose you're right. Maybe I should talk to her. Goodnight Lace." By then his voice was low and calm. He probably wouldn't bother me too much about it.
I slowly thought. Goodnight? I thought it was already nighttime when I had my accident. I glanced at the clock in my room and figured out something. I had my nightmare of him all day long. I didn't wake up this morning. Yesterday night was the last time I spoke to Tod. Something was wrong with that. I wondered if he was keeping me from waking up. I thought about it then shrugged it off. I'm just overreacting.
As he left the room I sat up and jumped out of my bed. I found my sketchpad in my bag and began to draw. The dark figure with blonde hair was still in my mind. My hand began to run down the paper. I didn't want his memory to leave me, so I began to draw his square head with the long blonde curls. The wide, faded blue eyes stared at me when I finished. I held the paper closer to my face. I made sure every inch of this image was the same perfect image in my mind. I laid down back on my bed. My eyes stared at the ceiling. Tears started to build in my eyes. I started to wipe my eyes, thinking I was a fool to start crying over him. Something must be wrong with me—but I didn't want to let him go. So I thought to myself—trying to bring him back to my memory—please come back. I finally closed my eyes and smiled–hoping he would be there.

Early morning sunshine peaked through the window, shinning brilliantly at me. My eyes flickered open, but despair swept over me. This was the first time I didn't dream of him. I shot up out of my bed, confused but also hurt that he wasn't in my dreams. The reoccurring nightmare happened every night so far. I always felt haunted but loved at the same time from theses nightmares. But how could he not be there? I thought back, seeing him in my daydream but he had disappeared. Last night—in my daydream—I only saw his pale face turned away from mine—as if he were in pain. He got up and walked away from me. The pain inside me hit harder then ever. Although he left my dreams, no tears smeared down my face. I was starting to confuse myself with mixed emotions. I was in love with this boy but he hurt me so much. This desire was too overwhelming.
I knew I had to stop.
After thinking over my feelings for my mystery man, I decided to go downstairs and make breakfast for Tod. Maybe spending more time with Tod will help me get him off my mind. I searched the fridge, cabinets and other places where Tod kept his food. I came up with some eggs and some waffle mixture. If there was one thing I was worse at then staying on my feet—it was cooking. I had some fear of using the oven and the stove. I always thought I would fall right on it or even in it. But I wanted to do something nice for Tod. I knew he was a great cook, so I thought I'd let him off the hook today. After 30 minutes, the foot-long pile of waffles sat on the kitchen table. I searched the drawers and other cabinets for some nice China. I wanted to make Tod feel better about me and what had happened in these first days. I found some blueberries and some strawberries. I began to wash them in the sink, when Evelyn slowly walked down the stairs. She had her hands over her eyes to block the bright sunlight.
"Ugh! Here, it's your little boyfriend, Gavin." She had her cell phone in her hand, holding it out to me. I smiled and glided across the room and took the phone.
"Gavin? Hello? Oh Gavin!" My pleading voice surprised me. I didn't realize how much I had missed him.
"Hey hon, how's gross Wisconsin going for you? It must be awful. With snow, and the cold. It's pretty awesome here. Me, Justin and Diana are, you know, hanging at the beach. Too bad you're not here." His voice sounded non-convincing. It almost sounded happy—happy that I wasn't there.
Maybe he was overjoyed to have my best friend Diana be there instead of me being with him. Maybe our relationship was ending. After hearing "I miss you baby" and the "honey, come home", I knew the love we once shared wasn't there.
Gavin wasn't the same.
There was no compassion in his voice—just joy, the joy of me being gone. I knew my mystery man wasn't the cause. As much as I wanted him to be, it was just fate that took it's toll. After 15 minutes of talking, I ended it. As sad as I was, I felt happy—to be free.
This was the end, the end of my past.