what is this life?

what am I doing here?
stuck in this...state of...inactivity
seemingly happy but deeply saddened
all I have tried seem to have failed...
stuck between...child and adult
too old to be taken care of
too scared to do much
must be...pushed...by...others...
but resistance will make me stronger...
motivated to change but resistance to change
oxymoronic type of life in this...insanity
must...grow...up...
but I don't know how
was never taught a lot so it's hard
when you become indecisive
I never thought I would end up like this
seemingly happy but...not...grown
time to be a woman
but what does that mean?
only...time...tells...