Self image

The person that I see is not me or it is but I just can't connect myself to me.
For I don't recognize the face staring back at me. Am I so alone that I can't even reach my own feelings?
Am I so closed up that I can't see beyond my thoughts my mind my ideas my silent dreams my hushed needs and desires?
Why can't I see the face reflected in the mirror?
Why can't I bare to look at those eyes?
Do I not forgive their ability to smile at the ones that hurt me?
Do I feel they don't reflect all the ugliness and destruction i feel inside?
Or do they reflect the emptiness and nothingness my body hides?
Do I love the person I see or do I wish it was another being looking back at me?
It doesn't make sense at least I don't think it does.
For how can i admire the strength and person i have built but yearn for it to surrender and lay its head down to sleep.
Tired I am but not confused.
Hurt I am but not crying.
I am awake but unconscious.
I am there not here.
I am desperate but not weak.
I am who I wanted to be but it's not easy to know who you are and be surrounded by people who don't want to.
Its not easy not understanding when that is EXACTLY what you need.
Shut people off and you'll have peace but it's not long until a war breaks out in your brain.
We're all going to die in the end but I'm sure these feelings won't be buried with us