Torn

I don’t know what to feel anymore,
What to say, what to think
Been so abused and misused
I’m so tired and lost
I’ve tried my hardest
Because it hurts to fail,
Fail everyone around me,
Their expectations, their standards
So I exceed their expectations
But fail yours
Please the fool, and become one myself
I fear their rejection
Their thoughts, their opinions
And disregard yours
So often, you’re set aside
Because you’re not ‘now’
Though I know you’re always
You’re not ‘the world’
But you’re everything
My eyes are so cloudy
So weary, I can hardly see
What’s right, what’s wrong
Though I know the wrong
It's become so familiar
Almost second nature
I know it is what it is
But it’s so tough
To go against the crowd
I get sick just thinking about it
I aim to please, but please who?
The haters? The failures? The flawed?
Why? They’re not you
They’re almost nothing
When compared with you
But a whole lot of nothing
Almost becomes everything
So pressing, pushing, manipulative
So I give, and I give in
More and more
I test the boundaries
Try my luck, test your patience
Not because I hate you
Or even dislike you
It’s because I want so much
To be wanted
But by whom?