John held her hand

John held her hand. It seemed like hours that he was doing so. There was nothing more he could really do at this moment. She was in a great amount of pain. All he could do was be there and try to comfort her. If there were anything he could do, even of the slightest bit, it would have been done.
So he looked at her. He guessed and assumed, no, he hoped, that his presence soothed her to some extent. He gripped her hand and gave it a squeeze when he thought it was necessary. Sometimes his grasp was much more than firm. Sometimes hers was just the same. Maybe by squeezing, she would be able to direct some of the pain away. If so, he knew it was only a sliver.
He watched her. She was beautiful. He always believed that. For some reason though, now, she was exceptional in her beauty. She wore little make-up, she was sweating on and off for quite some time and she was hurting. He knew he would never forget this moment or those to soon come. The way he looked at her transcended the normal adoration he held for her. This was something beyond that. He honestly believed that he had never known a girl more beautiful in his life than her. Maybe, he thought, I have never seen her more beautiful than as I see her before me now.
Was she the most beautiful girl in the world? That question, for him, was of no regard. For him, it was not a matter of physical appearance alone. It was everything else about her that played out over him. It was everything about the two of them that developed over a period of time that never seemed to stop developing. It was that feeling for him that no matter how long he was with her, that no matter how much time he spent with her, that no matter what they did together, nor the things they spoke of, there would always be more. He felt that. He knew that.
Obviously, he loved her. He thought to himself that it was quite possibly true that he loved her from the first time he ever had a genuine conversation with her. If not then, then certainly soon thereafter. He never questioned that emotion, whether it be the worst of times for them, together or apart. He never wavered on that one simple expression of himself for her, regardless of any other feeling he had for her, whether temporary or not, whether anger or frustration. He never questioned or strayed from one of the most basic truths he had in his life. He loved her. He was in love with her.
Now though, she was suffering. This was going on for several hours. The pain wasn’t constant, but it would come and go. Each time wasn’t the same in the level of intensity, but he knew that level would only continue to grow as the time passed. He wished he could trade places with her because he didn’t want her to hurt. He would do anything he could to ease her pain. What he didn’t know was that just by being present, just by holding her hand and by just speaking with her, he was doing just that.
He sought help, but there was little anyone else could do. Of course, drugs were given to reduce the pain, but they wore off or were ineffective. So he remained, hopefully, to be her one source of relief.
Time went by and the pain increased. The medication was stopped, because, as they were told, it wouldn’t be of any good now. The last hour or so was building towards a crescendo. There would be a peak in the pain and then it would all be over. You must remember that, they told him. Then the pain will stop.
He did what he was able to do for her and even for himself. Whereas he always thought himself a strong person, he believed he could not help her now as much as he wanted to. Again, he had not the ability to know, that, not only was there nothing he further he could have done, but his mere presence was probably the single most important factor that kept her feeling safe, under the circumstances.
The end of the pain did come. She smiled as it came. A relaxed smile. He smiled too. He still held her hand, still squeezed it, but that too was relaxed now. He would never forget this moment. Her beauty, as she lay there, caused nature’s wonders to pale in comparison. Tears left his eyes. I love you, he told her. She smiled warmly at him. She knew that to be the truth. Just as he knew she loved him. He let go of her hand.


On April 1, a beautiful baby boy came into this world courtesy of John and his wife. The three of them brought new joy into each other’s life and continued to do so, even three years later when a beautiful baby girl caused John to once again hold her hand for what seemed like eternity.