Close Your Eyes: Part 3

It was Heero’s real first time inside Angela’s apartment and he stayed near the door on the rug, afraid even after his shoes were off that his footprints would leave stains in her cream carpet. Every available space was festively decorated. She lit a group of tiered candles with dried flowers fossilized in the wax. The subtle sent of vanilla and warm sugar drifted towards Heero and she smiled at him.
“What are you doing?”
He tentatively stepped towards her while Dev came around the corner offering a shout crystal glass filled with rum and eggnog.
“With my luck this’ll end up all over your floor.”
She glared over her shoulder at Dev, “that’s alright, Devlin spilled half a glass of red wine on my sofa and that came out.”
Dev pulled her under his arm, “Liar! You flipped the cushion.”
In Angela’s living room a wide bowl on her coffee table held an collection of glass stars and globes; frosted and clear and glittery and shining. In the corner was a little Christmas tree ornamented in white and red and to the left, out on the balcony, icicle lights flashed from the railing. Her furniture held the simplicity and comfort only obtained with great taste and complementary price tags.
Heero sipped his drink and savored the warmth it spread through him. He lifted his glass and looked through it at the lights, the facets on the crystal reflecting tiny prisms. When Angela excused herself to change, Dev laid down on his back, smiling contently.
“You seem pretty pleased with yourself, Maxwell.”
“Lovely night.” He yawned like a drowsy panther, “I need a nap.”
Angela came back out wearing white flannel pajamas printed with rows of snowflakes. Heero laughed and finished his drink.
“What!”
“You’ve got a whole dresser in there of seasonal pajamas, don’t you? On Easter you decorate everything with rabbits and eggs and wear your pink jammies with big floppy ears.”
Dev smiled, his eyes still closed, “did you just say jammies, Ikoda.”
“So I did,” he looked into his empty glass and got up, headed towards the kitchen. “Come on, Angela,” he called, “I got no idea what I’m doing.”
“Dev makes them better.”
“Dev’s too sleepy for anymore rumnog.” Devlin said, rolling over.
Angela trotted to her room and returned with a blanket which landed on Dev’s head when she tossed it.
“Thanks, mummy.”
In the kitchen, Heero was reading the ingredients on the side of the eggnog carton.
“I cant believe this is just eggs and cream.”
“And sugar and nutmeg,” Angela said, taking it from him.
He watched her pour the drink together over her shoulder and she was very aware of his breath so softly on her cheek.
“Little more,” Heero put his hand over hers on the rum bottle and tipped it forward until he was satisfied.
She mixed the drink together with a long handled silver spoon, the ice clinking pleasantly as it swirled.
“Thanks…” he took a mouthful, “not having one?”
He had never looked at her like that: without an agenda; like a friend. Could they really carry on a conversation like two normal people without Heero intimidating her into passivity? This was dangerous. Angela knew she could talk herself out of him when he was his usual offensive self. With him acting like a human it might not be so easy.
“I better not.” She said.   

Heero followed her back into the living room where Dev laid, snoring softly.
“It’s not even midnight, Dev!” 
He sat up and pulled the blanket over his shoulders, “sorry guys, I’m done for.”
Dev dragged his feet across the floor and into Angela’s guest room.
“Jesus, he hasn’t gone to sleep this early since I’ve known him.”
They were sitting on opposite ends of the larger couch.
“Shouldn’t you be getting home?”
Heero smiled, “what are you doing hanging out with someone you need to ask that question to, Angela?”
She was thrown off and not sure how to respond.
“What?”
He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling, “I mean, why the hell do you want to hang around a couple of high schoolers?”
“I don’t think of Dev like that. He’s older than most of the college students I know. And you… well it’s not like we exactly ‘hang out’ Heero.”
He turned his head towards her, “do you want me to leave?”
Well that’s a loaded question if I’ve ever heard one.
“I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”
Heero shrugged, “fuck him.”
They sat in silence for a few seconds before Heero was startled by a tiny white kitten pouncing up beside him. The little animal rubbed her face against Heero’s arm and curled up in a little ball on his lap.
“I didn’t know you had a cat.”
Angela smiled affectionately at the purring body, “Dev gave her to me. For lack of creativeness, we named her Snow.”
He touched one of the kittens velvety ears and it looked up at him with big wide eyes.
“Adorable.” 
Heero couldn’t quite describe the envy he was feeling. In the comfort of Angela’s apartment and presents, with the rum keeping back his inhibition, he decided to ask a question that had long been on his mind. 
“Ange?”
She looked up surprised, no one called her that except her brother and she hadn’t seen him in years.
“Yeah?”
“Are you and Dev…”
Wait, what was he doing and why did he care. Never mind, forget it.
Her smile said yes and he wished like hell he hadn’t asked.
“I thought he told you everything,” she said more to herself.
“Yeah, well, he can be a secretive bastard when he wants to be.”
“Well we-”
“Spare me the details would you?”
“-but now I don’t know.”
Heero lifted an impatient eyebrow, “huh?”
“Thought you didn’t want to know,” she mocked.
“Well, Jesus, either tell me or don’t!”
Snow hopped down from Heero’s lap and trotted to the door of the guest room.
“Mew! Mew!”
Dev opened the door a crack, “come on you little fur ball.” 
Angela seemed not to care that Dev could now hear her clearly and her voice sounded disappointed as she tried to explain what she didn’t understand.
“A few days ago…”
Dev was so young and Angela knew what would happen if they pretended like they could survive together in a relationship. It would burn out in a week and they’d never see each other again; commitment wasn’t one of his strong points. She didn’t want to have to control him and she didn’t want the heartbreak she knew he was and always would be infamous for. He made himself difficult to love and harder to forget. Angela wasn’t in a hurry and had no intentions of chasing a 17 year old. 
Heero watched her as she played out the scene in her head and decided no, he really didn’t want to know.
“I guess I should get home.” He said


A Few Days Ago

Dev was feeling down again regardless of the freezing rain… although it didn’t help. What made tonight was worse was that he couldn’t find any explanation for his anger. The day was shit from the beginning when he took a shower without hot water. Once downstairs, he didn’t delude himself with hopes of their being anything to eat.
What might have started out as self-pity was full blown rage by the time he missed the 10:20 bus and walked to school in the rain. He wanted to smash windows and beat the hell out of anyone who had the gall to smile at him. It escaladed by several shouting matches he’d gotten into with Heero in various public places, the first being at school when they disagreed about the proper exposure time for a picture in their shared photography class. The second, at a grocery store while they tried to steal lunch. Dev became uncontrollably frustrated when customers kept walking by, making it impossible for him to take anything.
“God damnit! I hate Christmas shoppers!”
“Shut up!” Heero whispered trying to crouch down behind a table of pyramided doughnuts, out of the camera’s view.
“Stop.” Dev said rolling his eyes as an elderly man eyed them. “God, cant we do this somewhere else?”
“Devlin, shut up! This is hard enough as it is without you being so damn obvious.”
“Fuck off.”
Everyone who passed was now looking the boys over skeptically as they tried for nonchalant.
Dev threw his hands up, “screw this, lets go.”
Heero grabbed his sleeve, “if you walk out of that door I’ll fuckin kill you.”
“Fuck you, do it yourself!”
Now all he wanted to do was get high. That was the only thought in his head and the more unsuccessful the endeavor became, the more determined he was. After a certain point it was just the principle of all the effort he’d put into it. He wasn’t going to waist all that time for nothing! Finally he got a hold of Jake, but Jake had something to sell worth 20$ that Dev wanted much more than a bag of pot for 10. So he went back out into the perilous night with his worthless umbrella, trying to steal enough DVD’s from grocery stores to sell to the pawn shop before it closed. The bastards, some brand new releases they gave him 2 dollars for. But Platoon, released in 1980 got 4$.
“Like that one, eh?” Dev asked the 30 something year old behind the counter, wondering which of them was the bigger crook. Dev who stole, or Mr. Pawn who bought all the shit, knowing exactly where it came from and what the money was going to buy afterwards.
“Bring me razors.” Mr. Pawn said.
“What?” Dev was picturing X-acto blades.
“Refills. Gillette, Mac-4’s, you know?”
He shaved with an invisible razor uncase Dev couldn’t comprehend his think Russian accent before tossing 12$ on the glass counter, above the dirty jewelry. Dev wondered how many sad stories were attached to all those cluttered rings and necklaces, how anyone could buy them, knowing their pasts. 
 
In the half hour it took Angela to scrape the ice from her windows, her logic kept telling her that she had no idea where he was but she didn’t care. She had to see Dev.
She went by his foster home first, knowing he wouldn’t be there but having the directions clearest in her mind. All the other places she dropped him off were so random and he never stuck around any of them for more than a few minutes. So she went to the only other house she thought she’d be able to find.
Jake answered the door in a pair of faded work jeans with a cigarette between his fingers. Behind him the dark house’s shadows flickered by candle light and he stared at Angela shamelessly with a sideways glance that read ‘guilty’, don’t feed the tigers.
He swung his door opened wide, he was inviting her to do whatever she wanted.
“Please, come in out of the cold.”
He spoke like a poet, well trained in manipulating supple young ears, soft and precise.
The only thing keeping him warm was all the dope in his blood.
“Actually, I’m just looking for someone.”
“Well, I’m not exactly a babysitter, beautiful, but I’ll help you if I can.”
“Have you seen Dev?”
“Come in, Angela, he’ll be back.”
Don’t trust him!
But she found herself walking past him, staring into his smooth green eyes as he closed the door behind her. 
If he doesn’t walk in this door in 5 minutes, I’m leaving.
Jake’s townhouse was much more well kept than Angela would have assumed. The carpets were a little dirty from so much traffic and his tables and chars were well used but on the whole, it wasn’t an unpleasant place. Low lights and soft couches. Angela supposed his drug addict friends liked to be comfortable while they got high together.
“How’d you know my name?”
She sat down in front of a glass table, covered with candles, while Jake pulled a T-shirt on.
“Devlin described you quite accurately. Of course I didn’t believe him… but here you are.”
He smiled his Cheshire Cat smile; she was glad the electricity was out so she could keep her jacket on.
“Wh- where is Dev?”
“Trying to scrounge up some money. He’ll be back,” Jake said again.
He went to the fireplace and opened the screen, poked the spent wood until it fell apart to ash and piled with the embers below. From beside him, he took 3 fresh pieces and arranged them on the rack, knowing how to lay the wood to make it burn best. Angela had never lit a fire in her life and she watched him attentively, catching herself fixating on the muscles in his back as he lit a long match on the stone mantel. 
A teapot whistled from the kitchen.
“Do you take sugar in your tea?” He stood up and wiped his hands on his holey jeans.
Angela was surprised with her smile since she felt so uneasy, “no thank you.”
“Sure.”
“No! I mean no thank you for tea.”
“So you do take sugar?”
“A touch. But-”
He was gone, making her tea that she was apprehensive to drink. But she was freezing.
Jake handed her a cup on a saucer and sat down in the big green chair across from her. He stretched one of his long legs over the arm and they sipped together.
“Thank you.” She said.
He nodded humbly.
Angela thought that making small talk with him would be painful, if not impossible but after she commented on the soft jazz playing in the background (the CD player being fueled with 4 C batteries), their conversation moved on to other artists and interests. Jake was actually extremely easy to talk to, but without meaning to be. He carried his charm like it was an accident, he picked it up on the street in an abandoned grocery bag and decided it fit well, he’d keep it. He stimulated her unexpectedly. As they talked, he lit a joint and didn’t push it on her when she refused as he had with the tea. Unfortunately, it slowed his thoughts and speech; Angela had been just about to excuse herself when Dev walked in, looking genuinely shocked. 
He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, “Jesus, you’re about the last person I expected to find here. What the hell are you doin here anyway?”
“Looking for you.”
At hearing this, Dev sat down next to her and pressed his cold face against her neck with his arms around her. Jake watched them, only half seeing, nearly too high for interest.
“Dev…” Angela said.
He’d somehow nudged her coat off enough to put his cheek on her shoulder and said lowly, “I’m so glad you’re here, Angel. I’ve had such a shitty day.”
Dev gave Jake 20$ and Jake gave Dev a tiny bag with a white pill in it.
“Thanks. Let’s go.”
Angela set her cup on the table, “thanks for the tea.”
“Anytime.”

The rain started back up as Angela rounded her corner and realized the apartments were unusually black. She sighed and put her head on the steering wheel when they parked in front of a dead streetlight.
“Relax, we’ll make hot chocolate and pile under a few blankets.”
Inside the apartment, the generator created enough electricity to keep the emergency hall lights on and the heat was still running. They walked quickly up the 8 flights of steps to her top floor apartment, panting at her door while she fumbled with the keys.
Angela sighed again theatrically, and dropped onto her couch.
“I doubt we’ll have school tomorrow…” Dev said, walking around the room, lighting all her decretive candles. 
“So I doubt you’d wait for me for an hour at Jakes unless something was wrong…” He called from her kitchen, figuring it would be impolite to take the Oxy now and fade out on her loveseat so he made himself a drink instead,
“So what’s wrong.” He sat down next to her and kissed her on the cheek, “I’m glad you came and found me.”
“I’ve got to tell you something, Dev.”
He didn’t notice how he smirked to himself and backed away a few inches. The way she said it wasn’t exactly inviting.
“What?” he asked blankly, ready for more bad news. If he’d ever learned anything, it was that everything came to an end. He leaned his head against the couch and waited for the blow.
“I got accepted to an art school in the town my brother lives in… Next semester, I’ll be moving in with him.”
Dev closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “where?”
Her hesitation said enough, “in London.”
He had so many smiles and most of them were for something besides happiness. Dev flashed her one now and she had no idea what it meant.
“Good for you.” He tired to sound sincere.
“I don’t know what to do. They offered me a scholarship, it’s what I’ve always dreamed of doing but now I don’t want to go.”
Dev looked around at her apartment. Everything was perfect and it never occurred to him before that she’d decorated it herself. How could he have been so selfish, he’d never even asked her what she was studying.
“For interior design… is it a good school?”
She nodded.
“Then why wouldn’t you want to go?” 
“Don’t play dumb, Devlin. Not now.”
He raised an offended eyebrow, “what? Me!?”
It was almost to absurd for him to consider but if it was the truth he felt he had the right to play dumb. He wanted to drag it out of her, hear her say it. After all, she was leaving him, the least she could do was tell him the truth without making him guess. 
“I’ll be here when you get back.” He said when she wouldn’t respond.
Sure he’d be here, somewhere… with someone else. Angela wondered how many girls had her role before, how easily he found them willing to play the part.
“Fuck, I’ll come with you.”
She was too embarrassed to look at him; all she’d done was stroked his ego and he never thought of her seriously.
Just friends. 
“What’d I do? Why are you mad?”
“I’m not mad… just stupid.” She pushed his hand away when he reached for her.
“What’s wrong, damnit?”
“Cant you even pretend like you don’t want me to go, Dev?”
He laughed and got up, amazed.
“You are stupid, Angel.”
She was like a breath of fresh air in hell. Everyone was starving for love and money and acceptance. Dev hated them, he couldn’t understand why the earth didn’t plague us all and start over. Take the loss and move on. But Angela gave him faith in humanity. She proved that there were still decent people in the world worth searching for. She kept him on the surface when all he wanted to do was plunge into a substance induced abyss and watch the world die.   
How could she leave him!?
He wanted to tell her what he knew she feared most, that he’d just been playing with her, she was just another name on a list. At least then when she left with his heart he’d still have his pride.
He wanted her to suffer with him but he knew it wouldn’t last. How long would she obsess over him in London? A week, maybe? She didn’t realize how fickle an ocean between them could make a heart. So he wouldn’t lie, or make her feel guilty. Dev decided he’d encourage her to go, change, and at least have a thought of contacting him when she got back. How could he even give her a number to reach him at? Who the hell knew where Devlin Maxwell would be in 2 years?
He was still thinking it all over when she kissed him. His initial reaction was to push away but he couldn’t force himself to do it. Dev sat rigidly, kissing her with as much restraint as he possessed, which wasn’t much. But when his arms weren’t around her, when he didn’t return any kind of enthusiasm, Angela pulled away, dissatisfied and embarrassed.   
Dev dropped his head, unable to play it off this time; turn it into a joke and forget it.
“I cant.” He said, “not now.”
He looked as if she’d just slapped him. “I’m sor-”
“Angela…” he couldn’t stand to hear her apologize and he didn’t want to make it her fault but how else could he explain it? “I can see it now, it’d be great all summer, you telling me you love me everyday… and then August comes and you’re gone.” 
“I do love you, Dev.”
She went to hug him but he held her away, a choked sob unwillingly sounding in his throat. “Look, Angel, don’t say that again, alright?” He smiled, desperately trying to lighten the mood. “We’re back to just friends, okay?”
He dropped his head to his keens and rubbed his face. Jesus, didn’t she understand? He prayed that she wouldn’t touch him because he knew already that he wouldn’t resist her again, no matter how obvious the consequences were. Just to know that she wanted him was almost too much. He couldn’t even look at her, with that rejected look because she was misunderstanding every word he said when all he wanted to was please her until she was screaming his name at the ceiling. Dev groaned just thinking about it; how badly he wanted to tell her… show her. 
“I gotta go.” He kissed her on the cheek and went downtown to find someone to take everything out on: lust, anger, and all the other complicated shit in-between.