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Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #1547320
My screenplay in progress








“MIND THE GAP”

By

Marinda Rule

petrelchick@hotmail.com


FADE IN:

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT-DAY

Flat is messy with takeout containers strewn about.  The walls are covered with a mixture of posters of exotic locations, classic films, and pretty girls in very little clothing.  DR. JOHN MACDONALD, 35 and Scottish is hastily getting ready for a job interview.  British punk music plays in the background.  His cell phone rings and he answers. 

JOHN

Hello?

INT.  ST. BARTS, A LONDON HOSPITAL-DAY

TOMMY, mid 30s and Welsh is changing the bed linens in an empty patient’s room with a cell phone cradled between his shoulder and ear.  He is dressed in nurse’s scrubs which contradict his stocky frame.

TOMMY

Don’t be late again!

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT.

JOHN continues to get ready and talk on the phone. 



JOHN

Some things are just worth waiting for.

INT.  ST. BARTS HOSPITAL

TOMMY is fluffing the pillows in the empty patient’s room.

TOMMY

It’s been weeks since you got fired from St. Bart’s.  You’ve got to face the facts, man.  If you don’t land this one you’ll never work in medicine again.  Then who’ll I get pissed with on Saturday night?

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT

JOHN checks his appearance in the mirror and gives himself an approving wink.

JOHN

Now we both know you don’t need a reason to get pissed.  Besides, it’s not my fault there aren’t any positions.  It’s these damn brats overcrowding the field.  One late night viewing of, well, pretty much any medical drama and they think they too can be god-like healers who shag beautiful people in between fascinating patients.

INT. ST. BARTS HOSPITAL

TOMMY, still on phone but in another patient room with MR. HARPER, is laying out towels, soap, etc. on the sink counter.  MR. HARPER, an elderly patient, lies in bed and watches television.

TOMMY

Yeah, those American news reports that glorify the NHS don’t mention the rampant epidemic of good-lookin’, out-of-work, smart-ass Scottish doctors.

INT. SMALL LONDON FLAT

JOHN takes one last sip of coffee than puts his cup in an already overflowing sink.

JOHN
Yeah, it’s destroying the country.  All I know is I won’t make it through another bad interview.  At least this agency places doctors abroad.  I can see myself romancing a few mademoiselles by the Cote D’Azur or perhaps an African adventure?  Chicks dig that “doctors without borders” mystique.

INT. ST. BARTS HOSPITAL

TOMMY closes the curtains in MR. HARPER’s room.




TOMMY

Oh, gimme a break, man!  You think anyplace that doesn’t have fresh pastries and good shower pressure is the third world.  And your French is rubbish.

INT. SMALL LONDON FLAT

JOHN gathers his keys, briefcase, wallet, etc.

JOHN 

I know the important phrases-please, yes, is your place far?  Now I’ve really got to go!

INT. ST. BARTS HOSPITAL

TOMMY is still in MR. HARPER’s room.

TOMMY

Alright, mate.  Good luck!  So was it ER or Casualty?

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT

JOHN is about to walk out the door.

JOHN

Doogie Howser.


INT.  ST. BARTS HOSPITAL

TOMMY puts away his cell phone and looks at MR. HARPER.

MR. HARPER

Do ya think I could get a redhead for my sponge bath?

TOMMY

You’ll have to settle for a brunette, but I promise I’ll be gentle.

MR. HARPER grimaces.

INT.  LONDON TUBE STATION-DAY

JOHN gets off the train then moves his long, lean body through the crowd.  He rides the escalator up to the exit, passing posters for upcoming West End productions.

EXT.  LONDON TUBE STATION-DAY

JOHN exits the station.  Realizing he’s already running late, he scowls at orange cones symbolizing construction on the street between the station and the office building.  He navigates around the cones.

EXT. LONDON OFFICE BUILDING-DAY

JOHN checks his reflection one last time in the window.  He runs his hands through his hair and opens the door to the building.

INT.  LONDON OFFICE BUILDING-DAY

There are people in various types of business dress sitting in chairs.  Plants and flowers seem to cover every available space.  A RECEPTIONIST sits at a desk feeling underpaid and underwhelmed.  JOHN walks up to the RECEPTIONIST.

JOHN

Looks like I mighta reckoned out something right, for a change.  This place is like a bleedin’ oasis.

RECEPTIONIST in a harsh tone

Name, please!

JOHN

And back to the fiery sand pits we go.  Uh, MacDonald.  Dr. John…

RECEPTIONIST

Medical applicants, fourth floor.  Lift’s over there. (Gestures towards lift)

JOHN starts to walk towards the lift.

RECEPTIONIST

It’s not working, though.

JOHN

Of course it isn’t.  I’m late, I’m unprepared and I’m…taking the stairs.

INT.  OFFICE BUILDING, FOURTH FLOOR

JOHN reaches the fourth floor, huffing and puffing.  He sees a haphazardly written sign that says “Medical Placements”. He enters the waiting room.

INT.  OFFICE BUILDING, FOURTH FLOOR OFFICE WAITING ROOM

There are people in various types of business dress, sharing the same look of desperation enhanced by the flickering fluorescent light overhead.  JOHN smiles with confidence.  He walks over to the front desk and signs in then takes a seat in an empty seat.  The door to one of the interviewing rooms opens and the heads of all the applicants turn to see the verdict.  Two women emerge, SALLY SMITH, late 20s, blonde and smartly attired and DR. THOMPSON, brunette, mid 30s, and attired as one who has tried to create a Harrods look on a Woolworth budget and failed miserably. 

SALLY SMITH

Congratulations, Dr. Thompson.  We’ll send that visa paperwork over in the next couple of days.

The two women shake hands

DR. THOMPSON

Thank you!  Thank you so much!

DR. THOMPSON exits the fourth floor office, nearly tripping over her half-priced heels on the way out and SALLY re-enters the interviewing room.  JOHN looks down at his own immaculately-pressed outfit, now beaming with confidence.  He examines the magazine selection on the coffee table in front of him, hoping to find something published in the post-Thatcher years but not overly optimistic.  He spots a copy of Radio Times with the (now not so) new Doctor Who on the cover, a Scotsman like himself.  He starts to reach for it.

FLASHBACK

INT.  HOSPITAL OFFICE-DAY

JOHN is seated in front of DR. JONES, a middle-aged, balding drone.  DR. JONES has John’s file on the desk between them.

DR. JONES

Come back and see us when you’ve grown up a little, than we’ll talk about a post.

INT.  FOURTH FLOOR WAITING ROOM-DAY

JOHN reconsiders the choice and picks up a financial paper instead.  SALLY SMITH opens the door of the interviewing room again and steps out, holding a file in her hand.

SALLY SMITH

MacDonald?

JOHN gets up from his chair and walks over to SALLY, glad that it’s a woman interviewing him.

JOHN

That’s me

JOHN flashes SALLY his classic boyish grin.

SALLY SMITH

Sally Smith

SALLY extends her perfectly manicured hand and shakes his.

JOHN

John MacDonald (he adds quickly) Dr. John MacDonald.

SALLY, not impressed

Yes, I gathered that, this being a placement agency for doctors.

SALLY motions for JOHN to join her in the interviewing room.  They both enter.

INT.  INTERVIEWING ROOM-DAY

There is a desk and two chairs.  On the walls there are pictures of the “happy” doctors they’ve placed, grinning and flanked by their grateful patients.  JOHN and SALLY are inside.

SALLY SMITH

Do sit down, Dr. MacDonald

They both take a seat.  SALLY opens John’s file and starts to look over it.  JOHN senses an opportunity to turn up the charm.

JOHN

Well, Sally I think it’s just great what you’re doing here-taking qualified doctors and sending them places in need.  Heal the world, and all that.  I myself have-

SALLY

According to your sign-in you were seven minutes late for the interview.  Our clients expect us to send them responsible physicians.

JOHN

Yes, well, uh, there was construction on the street between the tube and the building, and I did have a bit of slow start this morning-football match last night went into extra time.

FLASHBACK

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT-NIGHT

JOHN sits on the couch in front of the TV.


TV ANNOUNCER

And now more sizzling salaciousness as the Footballer’s Wives marathon continues!

INT.  INTERVIEWING ROOM-DAY

JOHN and SALLY SMITH continue the job interview.

JOHN

Plus, I ended up waiting ten more minutes after I signed in so really…

SALLY

Dr. MacDonald, where some of our doctors go they are the only medical personnel for miles.  How are you going to explain to the mother of a critically ill child that you would have been in the clinic on time but you just couldn’t turn off the telly until after the game ended?  In addition, many of these places will have much worse road hazards than a few orange cones.

JOHN

Well, they can’t be that bad if there’s a TV, and I wouldn’t be late in an important situation like that, so…

SALLY looks up from the file.

SALLY

So, you’re saying this interview isn’t important to you.  In that case I have plenty of more interested applicants still waiting in…

JOHN starts to squirm in his seat.

JOHN

I never said it wasn’t important to me!  You’re puttin’ words in my mouth now, Sally and I really…

SALLY

Calm down, John, was it?  Let’s continue with the interview.

SALLY looks back down at the file

SALLY

So, educated in Glasgow?

JOHN

Born and bred, actually.  You know, people think of Glasgow as an industrial town but parts of it are really quite lovely.  Have you ever vis…

SALLY

Internship at Stobhill General? 

JOHN, a bit more confidently

That’s correct.  I learned from the best there, as you’ll see from my letters of recommendation.  Some of my most treasured medical mom…

SALLY, not fussed

Next you were at Ross Hall, and then you quickly moved to Southern General.

JOHN

Yes, well, Ross was a private hospital.  I felt I could do more good at…

SALLY

After that you moved to London?

JOHN

Well, it is one of the cultural centers of the world, and the pay is better, er was better.

SALLY

You began your London career at Princess Grace?

JOHN

Correct once again.  If I was a category on Jeopardy you’d be raking in the pounds.  Think of the holiday you could ta-


SALLY

You didn’t stay long, though.  A month later you were at St. Bart’s.  Why?

JOHN

It just wasn’t a good fit for me.

SALLY

I see.  And now, clearly you are no longer with St. Bart’s.  Another bad fit?

FLASHBACK

INT. ST. BARTS HOSPITAL BREAKROOM

There’s a fridge, water cooler and a sink set in a counter with cabinets overhead.  There’s a coffee pot on the counter, along with paper cups and coffee fixings.  There are couches and a table with chairs.  There’s also a row of lockers.  JOHN and TOMMY are inside on a break.  JOHN pours himself a cup of coffee.  A PRIEST is standing on the other side of the lockers out of sight of the other two, putting away his belongings.

JOHN

But why do they have priests and nuns on the payroll as if they’re providing medical treatment.  Might as well have a voodoo priestess on retainer.  Wait, they probably do-cultural sensitivity and all that.  Got a broken arm?  Better start praying-don’t want to waste those precious tax dollars.

INT.  INTERVIEW ROOM-DAY
JOHN
You could say that.





SALLY

Well, Dr. MacDonald I think I have the perfect assignment for you.  Now bear in mind it’s probably only for a year-visa regulations and the like.

JOHN

Fantastic!

SALLY

Now, it’s in America.

JOHN

Great.  I’ve always wanted to see New York City or see a Hollywood movie being filmed.  I’m glad my dreams and your needs can coinci-

SALLY

It’s in Tennessee.

JOHN

Uh, pardon?

SALLY

Tennessee.  You know, Elvis Presley, Jack Daniels, country music?

JOHN

Uh, yeah, well…

Beads of sweat start to form on JOHN’s face.

JOHN

Is there another option, perhaps on one of the coasts?  I like the ocean.  Please, Ms. Smith there has to be something else.

For the first time during the interview, SALLY smiles.



SALLY

Not for you.

INT. LONDON TUBE TRAIN

JOHN bumps along with the rest of London’s weary tube passengers.  He has been riding the train for hours, reading the paper work for his new job.

EXT.  TOWER HILL TUBE STATION-EVENING

JOHN exits the station.  There are throngs of tourists gathering for the Jack the Ripper walking tour.  A cart sells drinks and hot chestnuts.  JOHN walks over to the cart a buys a bag.  His cell phone rings and he finds a quiet spot to answer.

JOHN

Hello?

TOMMY (voice)

Well, you lazy bastard how did it go?

JOHN

I got it.

TOMMY

Fan-bloody-tastic!  It’s about time they brought an end to your slovenly ways.  We’re all gatherin’ at the Tenner.

JOHN

Great.  I’ll see ya in a mo’.

EXT.  THE TEN BELLS PUB-NIGHT

People are walking past the pub.  JOHN walks up to the pub.

INT.  THE TEN BELLS PUB-NIGHT

Typical English Pub.  People are drinking and laughing.


Some are playing pool and darts.  The Wombats’ “Let’s Dance to Joy Division” is playing in the background.  JOHN walks through the front door and moves through the pub to find his friends.  TOMMY, RADHIKA, GARETH, and KEIKO are sitting at a table in the corner, chatting animatedly.  The friends look up and see JOHN and greet him in unison.  KEIKO hands JOHN a beer.

KEIKO

Boddingtons for the conquering hero.

JOHN

Cheers!  I need one!

JOHN takes a seat at the table.

GARETH

Aww, poor baby has a job where he gets to travel for free.

RADHIKA

Yeah, which exotic locale needs to warn their women that  you’re coming?

JOHN

Johnsons Gap, Tennessee.

TOMMY

Where the fuck is that?

JOHN

You know, Jack Daniels, Elvis Presley…the American south.

The other four burst out laughing.



TOMMY

Oh, you’re gonna need a lot of Jack Daniels, mate!


KEIKO

Maybe you’ll live next door to Dolly Parton.

GARETH

Yeah, you always were a tits man!

JOHN

Now come off it, guys.  It’s a job, isn’t it?  I’ll patch up a few rednecks during the day, get pissed in front of the telly at night-maybe charm a few mountain flowers…A year’ll pass like a flash-easy peasy, like.

RADHIKA

Don’t forget showing them how to wear shoes properly.  That’ll probably prevent a few accidents.

TOMMY

Just don’t go on any camping trips into the mountains.

GARETH, in a fake southern accent

Squeal like a pig, boy!

GARETH, TOMMY, RADHIKA, and KEIKO all start squealing at JOHN.

JOHN

Oh, God-I’m fucked, aren’t I?

TOMMY

Aww, come on, John.  We were only taking the piss.  We’re really going to miss ya, ya prat! You’ll do fantastic!



GARETH

So, when are we finally gonna be rid of you?

JOHN

My plane leaves in five days.  Shit! Five days and I’ll be in bloody America!

KEIKO

Just stay focused on the positive-the way you behave you’ll probably be deported back here in a couple of weeks.

JOHN

From your mouth to that imaginary magic guy’s ears!  I’m going to need a few more Boddingtons!

JOHN’s friends cheer.

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT-NIGHT

We hear JOHN in the hallway, struggling to unlock the door, dropping the keys, etc.  JOHN finally gets the door open and stumbles through the doorway.  He makes his way drunkenly to the couch and collapses onto it with a grin on his face.

INT.  SMALL LONDON FLAT-MORNING

There are birds chirping outside the window.  The sun begins to stream over JOHN’s sleeping face.  He slowly begins to open his eyes.  He gets up, still bleary-eyed from the night before.  He goes over to his stereo and turns on the radio.  “Happy” by Natasha Bedingfield is playing.  JOHN likes it.  He starts to smile a little and goes in the kitchen and begins to make coffee.  A few moments later we see JOHN with his coffee cup, sitting down in front of his laptop.  He checks his email and opens an email from one of his friends.  It’s an e-card of a dancing hillbilly, complete with missing teeth and a jug with “XXX” on it.  JOHN throws his coffee against the wall and the cup breaks, dripping coffee all over one of his lovely ladies.

INT.  HEATHROW AIRPORT-DAY

There are people rushing to make their flights while others wait.  JOHN moves through the terminal as announcements for various things go out over the speakers.  He finds his flight bound for Atlanta on the screens and starts to walk towards the correct gate.  He passes an ad for an upcoming RSC  production and, realizing he won’t be in the country to see it lets out a sigh.

INT.  MGHEE-TYSON AIRPORT-DAY

People come and go.  Everywhere around JOHN people are hugging and kissing, either greeting new arrivals or sending loved ones on their way.  JOHN struggles to pull his luggage through the airport on his own.  He looks around for the person who’s supposed to meet him.  He sees GLORIA FERGUSON, a mid 50s bottle blonde waving and holding a brightly decorated sign with his name on it. He rolls his eyes and walks towards her.  He sticks out his hand to shake hers but  instead finds himself smothered in a bear hug.

GLORIA
Oh, I don’t bother with that silly hand-shaking nonsense!  Welcome to East Tennessee, Dr. MacDonald.  I’m Gloria Ferguson, the nurse at the clinic.  We’re just so excited to have someone all the way from England.  Let me help you with your things.

GLORIA grabs a bag out of JOHN’s hands.

GLORIA

My car’s this way.

They walk off together.

INT.  GLORIA’S CAR-DAY

Country music plays in the background as GLORIA drives JOHN to Johnsons Gap.  They navigate the twisting roads up into the mountains.  It’s raining and the tree-covered mountains emerge from the fog, folding out from each other.  They pass glitzy billboards for Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg tourist attractions that clash starkly with the trailers with old tires and rusted out cars in the front yard.



GLORIA

MacDonald, that’s a Scottish name, right?

JOHN

Yes, I came over from London but I was born in Glasgow.  Your surname is Scottish as well.

GLORIA

That’s my husband, Dave.  You’ll just love him.  Braveheart is his favorite movie.  We go to the Highland Festival in Gatlinburg every year.  We wear kilts and everything!  We’d be happy to take you along with us.  You know, there’s a lot of Scottish folk in these hills.  They say they look like the highlands and that’s why so many Scots settled here.  You should feel right at home.

JOHN

Actually, I’m a lowlander, and I don’t think I’ve ever owned a kilt.

GLORIA

Oh, well, anyway I was born a Johnson, like the gap.  It’s pretty common to have areas of the mountains named after groups of kinfolk. 

JOHN, laughing

Pretty shallow gene pool, eh?

GLORIA, indignant

That is an old stereotype, Dr. MacDonald, and as I recall the royal family liked to keep the bloodlines a little too close for comfort.

JOHN, serious again

Yes, I suppose… So, they didn’t give me much information on where I’d be livin’…



GLORIA

Well, you can stay with us tonight and then tomorrow we can look at a place my uncle is renting.  I think you’ll find it suitable.

JOHN

I wouldn’t want to impose…

GLORIA

Nonsense, it’s no trouble!  Haven’t you ever heard of southern hospitality?

EXT. FERGUSON HOUSE-DUSK

The lights are on and the sounds of activity greet JOHN and GLORIA as they pull into the driveway.  There are several cars parked on either side of the driveway.  The screen door opens and several people come rushing out, smiling and waving.  Among them are GLORIA’s husband DAVE, tall with graying hair and beard and her uncle, WILEY JOHNSON who’s mid 70s and balding.  GLORIA and JOHN get out of the car.

DAVE

So you’re the new quack down’t the clinic!

JOHN, unsure

Yes…

DAVE slaps JOHN firmly on the back and laughs

DAVE

Don’t worry, Doc!  I was only foolin’ with ya!  I’m Dave Ferguson.  Welcome to the Gap.

JOHN

Cheers, uh I mean thanks.

WILEY shakes JOHN’s hand.


WILEY

I’m Wiley Johnson, Doc-Gloria’s uncle.  Let me help y’all bring in yer stuff.

DAVE and WILEY grab JOHN’s suitcases and carry them in the house.  GLORIA follows them in.  The other friends and neighbors gather around JOHN introducing themselves and welcoming him.  JOHN is overwhelmed.  GLORIA sticks her head out the door.

GLORIA

Y’all give him some peace; he’s had a long day!  You’ll have plenty of time to talk his ear off later.  I’m sure you’ll be wantin’ to get home for supper. (To JOHN) Come on inside and make yourself at home.  The skeeters’ll eat ya alive if you stand out there all night.

The neighbors either start off walking home or get in their cars and leave.  JOHN goes inside.

INT. FERGUSON HOUSE LIVING ROOM-DUSK

There is Scottish paraphernalia everywhere-a Ferguson coat of arms, a claymore sword, etc.  GLORIA’s two daughters, HEATHER, blonde and 25 and CLAUDIA, brunette and 22 are setting the table in the dining room.  GLORIA is in the kitchen fixing supper.  DAVE and WILEY are in the living room with JOHN.

GLORIA, from kitchen

David, maybe our guest would care for something to drink.

DAVE

I was just fixin’ to, hon!  Doc, can I getcha somethin’ to drink?

JOHN

Please, call me John.  I’ll take a beer I guess.




DAVE

Oh, we don’t have any spirits in the house, there JOHN.  Johnson’s gap is in a dry county.  Nearest liquor store is a good thirty miles from here.  How ‘bout some sweet tea-it’s the house wine of the south.

JOHN, not enthused

Sounds great.

DAVE

Be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

DAVE goes into the kitchen. 

WILEY

Sit yourself down and stay awhile.

WILEY and JOHN sit on the couch.






 
 





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