Missing

One phone call can change a life; one phone call at 6:30am when your alarm is set for two hours later. The voice on the other end is one you usually find comfort in but right now is sending chills through your body. Your brain shuts off and you only hear certain words. Helicopter down. Missing. When you get shaken out of your stupor, usually at the yelling of your name, the tears come. Volume is a lost concept as you don’t realize how loud you are yelling, “no” or “it can’t be” until people start running into your room. They will get even more worried when you don’t respond to their questions since you are not really seeing them through your rears or hearing them over your screams. Once they notice the phone next to your ear they will take it away in the hopes of finding the source of your troubles and figuring out what the hell is going on.  At some point they will start to comfort you, usually they are still getting information from the voice on your phone but all you hear is noise. When they finally hang up or how long you have been crying is lost on you, but you eventually stop. As your sobs subside you begin to hear things like, “it’ll be okay,” “he will be alright,” or “missing doesn’t mean dead.” In this moment those are statements you don’t understand, they are just words strung together. You don’t realize how long you’ve been sitting in the arms of your comforter until that alarm you had set begins to go off, the reality sets in again. At least it did for me. Helicopter down. Missing.
I don’t remember much after hearing, “Anna, it’s Marie.” It was the phone call I never wanted to get telling me my boyfriend, currently deployed to the Middle East, was missing. I now found myself sitting in the passenger seat of my roommate, Michelle’s, car. Running my fingers over the little American flag I’d been yelling for earlier while she had been packing my bag. It was one of the ones that soldiers wear on their shoulder, the same one he had on his uniform now. I barely remember being told I was getting on a plane. Marie had gotten me a ticket to meet her in Florida at his dads house so I could be there when any news came in. my mind was still in a fog from everything but thinking about everything I had to do helped. Email my teachers, call my family, call his family; all things I wasn’t looking forward to. When that list ran out I turned to Michelle and thought about all she had done for me today. She had packed my bag, called my parents to give them the heads up, pushed me into the shower with threats of washing me herself, and was now missing class to drive me to the airport. Thank you didn’t quite cover how grateful I was but was pretty much all I could manage at the moment. Reaching over she squeezed my hand telling me it was going to be okay one more time as she took the exit for the airport. My anxiety had started to rise as I realized that I was going to have to go in alone; there was no point in her parking since non-passengers were not allowed go to the gate anymore, damn FAA rules.
When we made it to the drop off point all I could do was stare at the doors. I had not met his dad yet and this was not the way that I wanted to do it, even more so I would be meeting his kids for the first time; without him. I did not want to get out of the car and Michelle could tell and reassuring words barely seeped through the fog of anxiety in my brain.
“See how this works is the train moves not the station.” Michelle said quoting a mutually favorite movie.
She got me to smile as I responded, “Car, train, a bus—“
“You’ll sleep on the plane, keep going.” Ok so we had started with a totally different scene but they worked, “Anna keep going that is the only way to get through.”
“I’m trying.” I answered trying to put some form of a smile on my face, “Have I told you I love you for this? I don’t think I could do this if it weren’t for you.”
She leaned over and hugged me over the consol before saying “Come on, let’s get your stuff.”
I slide out of the car and walked around to the trunk with her as she pulled out my bag and handed it to me. After another hug and a promise to call when my plane landed and as soon as any news came my way, I turned and headed towards the door. I made sure I had all of the things I would need to check in and got in line. I tried so hard to focus on the things at hand so that my mind did not start wandering and could distract me. When I made it up to the desk I was hoping that I could get through the conversation with the peppy airline employee without breaking down or a lot of question. I had been watching the girl behind the counter try and make small talk with all of the people before me and was hoping I would be an exception, I wasn’t.
“Florida for spring break?” She asked in an all too excited voice.
“No.”
“Business?”
“My boyfriend is MIA; I am going to be with his family.” I watched as her face fell. I had a feeling that the next words out of her mouth were going to be I am so sorry and I was not disappointed. I could tell she felt terrible and told her not to worry; she had no way of knowing. The rest of our conversation was kept to the information she needed to get in the computer to get me checked in.
“Ok you have a first class ticket so you will be one of the first to board. Have a safe flight and good luck.”
“First class?” Marie had not mentioned that, then again I was not the one to talk to her about the flight.
The girl nodded I thanked her before heading toward security. When I got to the gate I had every intention of calling Marie and thanking her profusely for the first class; I was pretty sure drinks are complementary and boy was I going to drink! Well, a little anyways, I didn’t know who was picking me up from the airport, I knew Marie would understand but wasn’t so sure about his dad. I knew the kids would not be there until the next day but showing up drunk was not a good first impression. Caught up in these ponderings I didn’t realize the line was moving until someone tapped me on the shoulder. Showing my ID again I got to the conveyer belts and loaded my stuff on to them and pushed them through the x-ray machine and walked through the metal detector. Once I made it to the gate I checked the clock, an hour until they would start boarding. Sitting down I was lost on what to do next; who do I call first, my parents or Marie. I really didn’t want to answer all of the questions that I knew my mother would ask but I knew I could get away with just texting me dad. A simple, plane’s on time, will text when I get there, would placate him for a few hours, if only mom was that easy. Dialing her number I thought about ways to make this a quick phone call without questions I couldn’t answer. I got lucky; it was her voicemail that played through the earpiece. After leaving her a message that told her I was ok and I still had to make a few phone calls but I would let her know when I landed, I hung up and stared at my phone. I knew I needed to call Marie; scrolling to her number I hit send.
“Hello.” She knew it was me and I could hear the sadness in her voice. Not only did she have to be the bearer of bad news I had a feeling she was reliving the day she got the phone call that told her the private airplane he husband was flying had crashed over a small town in Florida.
“Hey, I am at the airport. Thank you.” It was all I could say as I felt the lump rising in my throat. I hate crying, I hate it even more in public.
“Of course, you need to be here. Believe me when I tell you that it will help, whether it seems like it or not.” I believed her.
“I know. Are—are you sure it is ok that I am there though? I mean I know that the kids are coming and what about Jack?” His dad didn’t like the idea of me. I was almost twenty years younger than his son and in his experience that always caused problems. This was the main reason he and I had yet to meet.
“You don’t worry about that. You get on the plane, have a drink to relax and I will be at the airport to pick you up when the plane lands, ok?” This is why I loved her, she always knew how to make things seem like they were going to be just fine.
“Yeah,” I said with a slight laugh, “speaking of a drink, I have always heard they are free in first class is that true?”
“You caught that huh? Sweetheart, with the reason you are flying, first class is a necessity!” I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me, she knew that I was going to be adverse to the money spent but I knew that she wouldn’t back down so accepting it made it easier. After a few more minutes we exchanged goodbyes and I checked the time.

The flight was only two and a half hours so I took advantage of my free drink and tried hard not to make eye contact with anyone. The reason for my travels had only been questioned by one person but I already knew the reaction I would get from anyone who may ask. Ironically it was the same I got when I told them that the love of my life was deployed, even when he was safe at the moment; pity. I did not want it, that would not help in this situation and neither would my crying, but it just hurt too much not to. When the flight attendant handed me my miniature bottle of vodka and cup of orange juice I contemplated simply downing the shot and then sipping the orange juice, but I already felt enough like an alcoholic with the fact that it was only eleven fifteen in the morning. As I mixed my drink memories flooded me, my favorite being the apple martini’s in San Antonio.
I had never had an apple martini, and sitting in the dark jazz club I couldn’t tell if it really was the green apple color I had always seen pictured or not. As I went to take my first sip I noticed something floating in it but I had no idea what. I moved it away from my mouth to motion to John and ask him, these were his favorite at this bar and he had been wanting to bring me here for months since he first discovered it. When I looked up he was reaching into his own to pull out what I found to be a cherry, that made me feel better and I took my first sip. Yum! I took another before setting it down on the table again to pull the cherry out.
“Good isn’t it?” He asked leaning close so that I could hear him.
“Very!” I nodded to show my agreement as I grabbed the cherry steam in my drink. Having never been a fan of the berry I offered it to him knowing he liked them. “Hey, you want my cherry?” I asked holding it out for him. Not taking it he looked at me and broke into hysterical laughter. I must have missed something. “What’s so funny?”
“Think about what you just said.” He answered.
Looking at him with what I am sure was a confused expression on my face I repeated myself, “do you want my cherry? You like them I don’t—oh!” Cherry...virgin, you want my cherry, I got it. I guess the really funny part was he really did get mine. Now that we were on the same page I could play at this too.
I leaned in really close to his ear, still holding the cherry and whispered, “well, you already got that, but you can still have this one, if you want.”
Even though he was laughing at my statement I saw him adjust his pants as he moved to take it from me.
I could feel myself smiling at the memory as I took a sip from my screw driver I had finished mixing. I knew that the small amount of alcohol was pretty much just going to be for flavor, but maybe if I imagined hard enough it would have some effect. With that in mind I leaned back and tried to relax for the last hour of the trip. I couldn’t keep my eyes closed for longer than a few minutes, because all of the ‘what if’s’ started going through my head, so I resigned myself to look out the window instead.
Ft. Lauderdale began to get closer and the idea of landing brought both relief and broke my heart. There would be no denying the situation at hand once I stepped off the plane, but at the same time I knew that being there with Marie I would be able to handle it better. I looked at her as family now; she always introduces me to people as her future niece-in-law, something I always laugh about because her nephew is afraid of marriage these days. Nerves began to hit again as I started walking toward the arrivals area as the inevitable meeting between me and his dad for the first time came to mind, something I had planned on doing while gripping John’s hand tightly for support during the inevitable appraisal his father would give me. Without him by my side I was going to have swallow my fear and try my hardest not to break in front of Jack.
As I walked I turned on my phone sure I would have a call from my mother, oh look I do. Instead of listening to it I just called her, this time she answered. I tried my best to keep it short, I really didn’t want to talk to her about this, she didn’t understand. She never liked John, she thought that he was with me for one reason and was now just using me. The fact that he had been married before was another strike against him and his three kids didn’t help either. Knowing this, her attempts at sympathy just bugged me! I told her that I was looking for Marie and didn’t know what kind of car she was driving so I really needed to pay attention as I walked through the sliding glass door. I was relieved that she bought it and asked her to text my dad and let him know I made it; I just didn’t have the energy right now.
Turning my focus to the cars going past me I decided to call and see if Marie was even at the airport yet. She informed me that she was pulling up to the arrival doors and I told her what I was standing by. We found each other as she parked in front of me and got out of the car. The tears started to flow again as she wrapped me in a hug. I tried not to inhale to deep, she used the same detergent that John does and the scent of her clothes reminded me of him and the tears came harder. It was like the phone call all over again; I knew she was talking to me trying to sooth me but I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying to me. Her hands were rubbing circles on my back and I could feel her body shaking and realized she was crying too. Once again the thought that she was probably reliving her husband’s death along with the fact that this is her nephew, made me feel guilty for not offering any comfort. Marie had raised John from the time he was one until he was seven, they were close, and this had to be killing her.
My sobs started to subside and I began to pull back from our hug. As I wiped my eyes I could see Marie doing the same. The guilt hit harder as I watched her open the back hatch to her SUV for me to put my bags in. We got in the car and we were still silent. I watched as she made her way around the cars that were picking up friends and family, waiting for us to get out of the airport before deciding to speak.
“Are you okay? I realized that in my wallowing I haven’t checked.” I said turning to look at her.
“Oh, honey don’t worry about that. I know what you are going through, you know that.” She answered patting my hand before continuing, “I’m okay though. I just keep telling myself they are out there looking for him and he is smart, he can make it through this.”
Ah! The same pep talk I had been trying to give myself; seemed to be working better for her than me. Note to self, motivational speaking is not a smart career choice. “Yeah,” was all that I could get out. I dropped my gaze to my hands and noticed that I was playing with the POW/MIA bracelet from Vietnam that my mother had given me, that is when the thought hit me; would John become a name on a bracelet? No! I cannot think like that, I did not want to cry anymore! Trying to distract myself I looked at the passing scenery that had changed from the city to a little more residential; welcome back nervousness.
“Um, Marie, what about Jack?”
“What about him?” She answered without turning to look at me.
“Well, you know his attitude towards me, that’s the reason I haven’t met him yet. Is he okay with me being here?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer but if I guess it is better to know what you are walking into before you do it; my soldier had rubbed off on me.
“He was a little reluctant, but when I told him how devastated you were I think it started to dawn on him just how much you truly care for his son.” This time she looked at me and smiled. I just hoped he really had come around.
I turned my attention back to the landscape out my window noticing that we were pulling into a neighborhood. I tried to focus on the turns and twists to get to our destination in an attempt to ignore the butterflies that were fluttering in my stomach. Finally she pulled into a driveway and I saw John’s Mustang to the side; my heart fluttered as a fleeting image of John getting out and walking towards me, but it was short lived. He had driven his car down to keep at his dad’s while he was deployed, it was just his car; he was still missing.

Did my shoe come untied; maybe I should stop and check. It feels like my backpack is unzipped; I should check that too. Yes, I was stalling. I could see Jack standing in the window watching Marie and me walk toward the front door, I wondered if he could smell fear. Slowing down I let Marie take the lead as we reached the door, she gave me a reassuring smile before pushing the door open and I tried my hardest to force a matching one. My mind started to spin, was I supposed to smile when I greeted him or would he think that meant I was not affected by this situation? Should I let him see me cry or would he think I was acting? Was there a right answer here?
“Anna,” I could feel Marie’s hands on my shoulders as she guided me forward, “this is Jack. Jack this is Anna, the woman responsible for John’s happiness lately.” I didn’t have time to decide how to react, we had made it inside and Jack was standing before me eyeing me suspiciously as Marie talked me up.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, sir. I just wish it was under better circumstances, and that John was doing the introductions.” I said with a weak smile as I extended my hand.
“Uh huh.” What kind of response was that? He grabbed my hand, gave it a small squeeze and looked me up and down again.
That made me angry! I knew that he was of the same opinion as my mother in reverse; I was using his son for the security that came with being with an older man. He was well established, after this tour he could easily retire, get a good job with all of his Army training, and with his retirement money on top of that he was set. What he didn’t seem to understand was that I didn’t care about all of that, I never have, I never will. Yet, there he stood treating me like I didn’t matter. This situation was going to be hard enough; his attitude was not going to help. I saw Marie start to open her mouth knowing full well she was going to let her big brother have it; another thing I loved about her, she may have been the only girl and the second youngest but she kept her brothers in check!
Before she could get a word out, however, I interjected, “Look, I know what you think of me, John has told me, but the last ten hours have been hell for me. You might not want to believe it, but I love your son, please don’t treat me like this doesn’t matter to me.” I managed to somehow keep my voice from cracking as I felt the tightening in my throat, but couldn’t stop the few tears that leaked out.
Trying my best to seem strong I kept my eyes locked on his and waited for him to answer. When he did it wasn’t what I expected, “John said the same thing. I guess that fact that you are here speaks volumes.” Was that an apology?
“Thank you.” It was the best I could come up with.
He nodded in response. Was that the extent of my interrogation? “I’m still concerned about your relationship with my son. You seemed to have convinced Marie you have good intentions but I still need some proof. He has been miserable the last ten years I don’t want another woman using him like she did.” Guess not.
I knew he was talking about his ex-daughter-in-law, I also knew that even though he was saying this now, during the divorce he had tried to talk John out of it using his kids as a reason. Moments like these make me wish that the filter between my brain and my mouth worked better.
“Then why did you tell him to go back to her?” Bad, bad very bad! The look of shock on his face confirmed that I really had just said that out loud. Out of the corner of my I could see Marie smirk, at least she was getting a kick out of this.
“He tells you everything doesn’t he?” Again, not what I expected.
“Yes. We trust each other; we talk about things. That should already tell you how different my relationship is with him compared to what they had.” I really didn’t want to stand there and compare my relationship with his son to that of John and his ex-wife, but he seemed to want to. The comparing was the only thing that John and I ever fought about; having his father do the same thing was not helping my anger.
“Communication, right.” Unbelievable!
“Sir, I am going to tell you the same thing I told John; I am not her. I want to be with your son because he is the first person to see me for me, to make me feel like I am worth something. I want to be with him because of who he is, not what he can do for me. I want to make him as happy as he has made me. At this point I really don’t care what you think of me, I know what he and I have and so does he. That is all that really matters.” So there!
He glared back at me for a moment before responding, “We will have to see.”
I wanted to scream, he was infuriating! Thankfully Marie came to my rescue, “Jack, anything new?”
“No, there was a blip on CNN. They said they were still searching, basically everything we were told by the soldiers on the notification detail.” I could hear the sadness in his voice as Marie walked over placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. My anger started to dissolve at the sight before me. I knew that all of these opinions he had of me existed prior to this situation but perhaps his distress was making matters worse. We were all scared and hurting right now, which meant we were bound to say things we normally wouldn't, all we could do was wait.
Not much else was said as Marie led me to the room I would be staying in. I expected to set my stuff down and walk back out; instead when I turned around she was closing the door.
"I don't think I have ever been so proud!"
"What?" Intelligent I know, in my defense it had been a long day and I had no idea what she was talking about.
"The way you handled yourself, that was perfect! You weren't afraid to stand up for yourself and you did it in a way that wasn't unjustified or angry."
"Oh I was angry."
"I know, but you did a good job at keeping it under control. John would be so proud." That did it, the tears started pooling. She wrapped me in a hug squeezing tight before letting go. "You must be hungry, let’s go have some lunch." all I could do was nod.
We sat in the kitchen and tried to keep the conversation as light as possible while Marie made sandwiches’.  I tried to stay quiet, only talking if I was asked a question, as I listened to them talk about the arrival of the kids tomorrow. It was another meeting that I had never planned on doing solo; we were supposed to meet after he finished this tour. He was hoping to be home before the holidays, that was what they were telling him anyways, and we were going to spend them together. My musing was interrupted when I heard my name. It seemed that they were trying to figure out whether it would be best for me to go with them to the airport or to wait for them at home. For the first time since our confrontation in the living room, Jack turned his attention to me.
“The kids do know about you, right?” the tone in his voice bothered me but I just ignored it.
“Yes, they do. They know that John and I are together and that we were all going to try to get together for Thanksgiving, we have never spoken though.” Marie knew this but since he had asked me I figured I better answer.
“Maybe it would be best if we went and got them so that we could talk to them first and you can be here when we get back.” I turned my attention to Marie as she spoke. It was what I was thinking, I didn’t think that going to the airport was the best idea but the fact that Marie would be going and I would be waiting for the arrival of his three kids alone was making me sick to my stomach.
“Ok.” I choked out; I really was going to throw up. Slamming my hand over my mouth I jumped up and ran to the bathroom I had seen when Marie had showed me my room. I barely made it to the toilet as I relieved myself of the sandwich I had just eaten. I could hear mumbling in the hallway near the bathroom as another wave of nausea hit me and I heaved again.
Marie appeared behind me gently pulling my hair back from my face and rubbing circles on my back, she didn’t say anything until I was finished and sat back on my heels. All I could do was nod when she asked if I was ok, I really wasn’t. Standing I splashed some water on my face and tried to tell her that I was sure it was nerves before going to grab my tooth brush. My stomach was still queasy when Jack suggested I lay down for a while. Agreeing with him I headed back to my room, very doubtful that I would be able to sleep. I really hoped it was nerves; now I just needed an excuse for the other two times I had gotten sick this week. Digging through my luggage I tried to find something clean and comfortable. I smiled when I found my bear in BDU’s, Michelle really had thought of everything. John still makes fun of me for getting it. I still laugh about the first time he saw it.
         My bed was only a full size, big enough to fit two comfortably but because I was used to sleeping alone I had to push my body pillow and Soldier Bear off to the side. Rolling over into John’s arms was a lot nicer then hugging a pillow anyway.  It was only the second morning that I had gotten the pleasure of waking up spooned against him and it felt amazing. I could feel his hand starting to rub up and down my arm and I sighed in contentment. His hand reached my forearm and stopped. I felt him sit up slightly and turned my head to look at him giving him a questioning look.
         “Am I not good enough to cuddle with?” he asked pointing to the bear in my arms.
         Apparently in the middle of the night I had managed to seek out my bear and was hugging it close to my chest. Unusually quick for the morning I answered, “Nope, and he’s a General.” I answered wiggling my eyebrows at him.
         A look of mock horror spread across his face, “An officer? You wound me.”
         I couldn’t help but laugh this was going to be fun. Extending my arms pretending to examine the bear before looking to John I finally spoke up, “what can I say, officers give orders, enlisted men take them.” He knew I was joking, I was so proud of what he had achieved and knew that he was very good at what he did; I just couldn’t resist messing with him.
         “Orders, you want orders? Oh, I’ll give you orders. Come here!” Before I could say anything his mouth fused to mine and I managed a squeak against his lips.
         My mouth opened when I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip shortly before tangling with mine. I could feel his hand starting to sneak up under my night shirt as he suddenly pulled away and I groaned in protest.
         “I think you are wearing too many clothes.” He declared as my eyes opened finding his looking back full of pure passion.
         “That didn’t sound like an order Drill Sergeant.” My eyes moved to his mouth.
         “I want you naked now!” Now there was my big bad Drill Sergeant!
         Hugging the bear close to my chest my smile faded, would I ever get to wake up in his arms again? I curled into the fetal position and pulled the blankets around me, still feeling sick to my stomach.

Waiting was killing me. After two hours my stomach had finally settled, unable to sleep I found myself at the kitchen table playing cards with Marie and Jack. The news was on in the background even though we knew army officials would alert us before the media caught wind of anything. Marie had made dinner before we started, chicken, rice, and some vegetables, keeping a piece bland for me. What little I did eat I managed to keep down; I just hoped it would stay there. Not much was said throughout dinner or the card game, the few words that were spoken came from Marie as she tried to get some sort of conversation going.
My mind was not focused on the game; it wasn’t really focused on anything. There were so many things going on at once; John was missing, I had met Jack, which had not gone so hot, I was meeting his kids in less than twenty-four hours, I just threw up for the third time this week for no reason, and, well, John was missing. He was supposed to be home around August or September, he had just been home for his R&R in March just two months ago; it was the last time I had seen him. We had talked about the future, something we always did except it had finally seemed within our reach. I was going to be finished with school by the end of May, he was fairly certain he was going to be home before the holidays and he wanted me to move in with him; we couldn’t have been happier. I had started to look at job opportunities around Ft. Bragg, where he was stationed, and even had a few promising prospects. He had a place that he had rented to an old friend who was going to be deploying mid-summer so I could move in then with my lease being up on my apartment at the end of July; it was perfect.
Drawing a card from the top of the deck I couldn’t help but wonder if all of that was going to work out. I laid down my three aces and won this round of rummy, looking up I saw Jack eyeing me. At least this time he had a smirk on his face, I think he could tell that I was not into the game but had still managed to win; lucky for me he didn’t question me. Checking my watch I counted the hours, all fifteen of them, until three mini versions of John would be walking through the front door. My thoughts switched to thoughts of them as Jack dealt another hand. John was always worried that they were going to scare me off. Andrew, his oldest, was only six years younger than me, probably another thing Jack didn’t like about me, and if you looked past the blonde hair and blue eyes he looked just like his dad. Will was two years younger than his brother and being the middle child John always warned me about his attitude; telling me if he seemed indifferent when I finally met him not to take it too personally. Last was Lauren, daddy’s little girl. She had her father’s brown hair, brown eyes, and his smile; she was only six and to this day he still has no recollection of her conception. At that point the relationship between him and his then wife had declined to a point that intimate encounters had become so few and far between he was certain he would have remembered. He questioned whether she was his but if you looked at her now you knew who she belonged to. God, I hoped they would be alright with me being there. John had told me that they were okay with his relationship with me and were even looking forward to meeting me in November, but I was still nervous.
The butterflies were coming back when I lifted my new hand and started to arrange the cards. I was not a nervous person, never had been and had definitely never gotten physically ill in those few moments that nerves had struck me. Besides, they didn’t explain the other two times I had gotten sick. The first time I had woken up and started to get ready for class, almost as soon as my tooth brush passed my lips I started gagging. I didn’t have a sensitive gag reflex, not to mention that the tooth brush hadn’t made it past my teeth before I was over the toilet. I couldn’t eat the entire day, just the thought of food made me sick; the next day I was fine. Two days later while cooking dinner the smell of the food sent me running to my bathroom. I let my roommates eat what I had cooked and went out for crackers and juice, again I was good the next day, but still stuck to a bland diet. That was the day before yesterday. I had no fever, I wasn’t congested or coughing nothing else pointed to being sick. I had considered one possibility, but not too hard. I couldn’t, it scared me too much.
Jack cleared his throat and brought me out of my musing, I turned my attention to him as he began to speak. “So Anna, last I heard you were in school; what are you studying?”
He was making an effort and though I was a little shocked I knew that it was a start, so I answered. “History and education, I am hoping to teach high school history.”
“That is nice. How long do you have left?”
“Two weeks. I am taking my last two classes this summer session then I will be done.” Crap, I still hadn’t emailed my teachers, good thing I didn’t have class today and tomorrow started the weekend. “Which reminds me I need to email my teachers to see if I can do some things via email for this week.”
“Wait, you are missing school to be here?” He asked in a shocked tone.
I nodded.
“But what if your teachers won’t let you do things over the internet?”
“They should, they are both pretty understanding, but if they don’t I’ll go to the department heads see what they can do.” He still seemed confused so I added, “John is important to me, I would be going crazy at home waiting for the phone to ring and I wouldn’t be much good in class.” It was true. The last time John had told me that he had wasn’t going to be able to make his bi-weekly phone call to me I jumped every time my phone or computer alerted me to an email, this would have me having a heart attack every time the phone rang.
“Hopefully they will understand. Do you need to use a computer?”
This was a switch; I had been walking on egg shells all evening trying to avoid any unwanted grilling or arguments now he was being nice. “Um,” I love my intelligent responses today, “well, I have my laptop with me and it has wireless, but if you don’t have wireless set up then I will.”
This turned the conversation to getting my computer on his wireless network so that I could work on my final paper and get all of my things sent off to my teachers. Marie won our last hand and I went to retrieve my computer. After Jack got it all set up we all went our separate ways; Jack to his office, Marie to bed, and me to my room to do some work.
Once I was settled on the bed I opened my school email and plead my case to my teachers, when I finished I started to work on a paper for one of them and actually managed to finish it. Looking at the clock I rubbed my eyes and shut down my computer; five and a half hours and I would have been awake for twenty-four hours. Closing my laptop I took it off the bed, grabbed my bear and cuddled up on under the covers praying exhaustion would set in before the tears. My head was killing me from all of the crying that I had already done that day and I didn’t need to add to it. I don’t know how I managed it but I did sleep for a few hours and I was still exhausted. I groaned when I picked up my phone to find 0515 glaring at me; yes, I have my phone on military time. My stomach growled, a good sign I guessed, and I made my way to the kitchen. When I got out there I wasn’t entirely shocked to find Jack making coffee, he seemed the type to be an early riser. He turned toward me when he heard me enter, and was that a smile he just gave me?
“Good morning.” He greeted.
“Good morning, sir.”
“Anna, you can call me Jack, the formality is unnecessary.”
This was not the man I met the day before, I was so stunned that all I could say was “okay.”
“I was about to make some breakfast, care for some eggs and bacon?”
Yep, I was in the twilight zone. “Sure, that actually sounds really good. Do you need help with anything?”
“No, I’ve got it, thanks though.”
I watched him for a moment as he got out food and a few skillets, I knew that he had been trying to be nice maybe I should too. “John told me that you make it out to Seattle a lot with work, well Renton to be more exact. He and I found it amusing that during his last tour you and I were only fifteen minutes from each other.” The summer that John and I had met, via the internet, I was home in Washington, come to find out Jack’s work had brought him to my area. Almost a year later when I was flying back to school in Nashville, he was flying out of there the same day.
He turned in my direction as I spoke then turned back to the skillet before he answered, “He told me about that once he got home. Apparently we flew out of the Nashville airport at the same time too, small world.”
“Something smells good.” Marie announced when walked in, I could have kissed her.
Thankfully, with her there the conversation lightened up and we were able to get through breakfast with a lot less tension. I was hungrier than I thought; two eggs, four pieces of bacon and two pieces of toast and I was finally full. Sadly it didn’t last long. When Marie set a cup of coffee down in front of me I knew I was going to have to run. I couldn’t even get words out as I bolted from the kitchen. What the hell was wrong with me? I had been starving thirty minutes ago and now I couldn’t even think about food. Once again I felt Marie behind me, same as yesterday she was rubbing circles on my back and holding my hair back. When the retching finally stopped I crumpled into Marie’s arms; my whole body was exhausted. She continued to rub my back as silent tears started running down my checks. I wasn’t sure how long we sat in silence but when she broke it I wanted to disappear.
“Does John know?”