The Fine Art

THE FINE ART OF BEING A BITCH

The decision to get in the car that night ended my life as I knew it.
I could have said no to him, as I’d been doing all night. I could have tried to persuade him to find a way back to his house, to go to a friend’s, to forgo sex for once, anything. But for some reason, I said yes. And from that point, it all changed.


I met Daniel in late November of my senior year of high school. After finally succeeding in my month-long attempt to get out of a difficult “friends with benefits” situation, I was not thinking of beginning a new relationship or even hooking up with anyone. With my Georgetown decision on the way, I felt college approaching. I could wait until then, when the guys were more mature and more ready. I had more important things to worry about, such as planning my friends’ birthday party.
Brittany and Casey, my two best friends, had birthdays only two days apart. Both were turning eighteen, and both had been friends with me since I moved to my Long Island suburb eleven years before.
Everyone always told me that I possessed one of the best party houses in the area. However, my parents never left. Between my dad’s dementia and my mom’s overprotectiveness, I knew that I would never have the opportunity to throw a massive party. But a combination of my mom’s fantastic cooking and twenty-five close friends had to create a recipe for some kind of fun. Didn’t it?
Brittany had just started dating a guy from Brooklyn named Jacob. I’d met him before, and he was a decent guy. A filmmaker, and freshman at a local community college. And he seemed to like her a lot. He was definitely a monumental improvement over the guys Brittany had hooked up with before. With her long blonde hair, big blue eyes, and pouty lips, she was considered beautiful. And with her recent weight loss of thirty pounds, she was on top of the world. I was happy that Jacob was around to keep her under control and away from the many men waiting to take advantage of her.
Jacob and I began talking on the phone when I started planning the little gathering. He had bought a good deal of beer before he realized that my parents were going to be home and on alert. He wanted to know what to do with the many cans sitting in a garbage bag in the back of his car. And by the way, could he bring two friends? They’d both gotten close with Brittany in the past three or so months, and it would mean a lot to both of them if they were there.
Of course I said yes to the friends request. Although I wasn’t consciously searching for a new boyfriend, a little voice did say in the back of my head, “They’re both boys. You never know.”
The alcohol issue was more difficult. All we needed was a parentless house in the area. Unfortunately, that wasn’t proving so easy to find, until we remembered that I had invited Hoff.
Hoff, short for Marc Hoffman, had a father in real estate who dealt specifically with foreclosed homes, of which there was abundant supply. And Hoff knew exactly where those homes were. He had thrown countless parties in the past year and had never been caught. We obtained permission from him to use a house. So we had a game plan: hor d’ouevres at my house until everyone got bored, then Hoff’s house for the real fun.
One of my friends arrived early from Connecticut to help me set up. We got dressed in my room, and I contemplated about my body suit.
“Does it snap over the tights or under?” I asked, confused. I couldn’t find a pair of clean underwear, so this was all I had.
“Whatever’s easier for the guy to take off,” she joked. Laughing, I decided to snap them over.
Guests began to arrive around 8:30, a half hour after the time listed on the invitation. Daniel and Jason, Jacob’s friends, arrived around nine. Jacob called me, saying, “They’re walking around your block. Walk outside. Take them in. They don’t know which one is yours.”
Despite the frigid temperature and my short-sleeved dress, I walked outside without a coat. I saw the two boys walking in circles in my front yard.
“Hey!” I called out. “You looking for something?” The two turned.
“Yeah,” one of them answered. “Number 18?” I walked closer.
“Well, this is it.” I smiled. “I’m Rikki.”
“I’m Daniel,” the one who had spoken said, holding out his hand for me to shake. He was roughly six inches taller than me, dark-skinned, and had shaggy black hair and wore a black dress coat and wire-rimmed glasses. I looked into his eyes and knew, despite the apparent cross-eyedness; I would be hooking up with this one tonight.
“I’m Jason.” The other one shook my hand too, and I led them inside. Beginning to walk back towards the dining room, where everyone was congregated, I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Daniel behind me.
“Wait,” he said. “Aren’t you going to give us a tour?”
I led the two boys around the house, introducing them to my parents along the way. I showed them everything on the ground floor, from the leopard-skinned carpet and brown leather couch of my father’s study, to the pink marble bathroom on the other side. The two, lower-class Brooklynites were in awe.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a house this nice in my life,” Daniel exclaimed. Not knowing what to say to that, I blurted out, “No guys allowed upstairs. The tour ends here.” They looked at me in bemusement.
“Not a problem,” Daniel said. “But you need to take us back. We’re definitely going to get lost.”
At that moment, Brittany’s brother arrived with his girlfriend. Although not tall, Eric was enormous, 250 pounds of extreme arm muscles and stomach fat. His baby blue eyes lit up when he saw me, then narrowed to two slits when he saw Daniel and Jason.
“You,” he hissed. His girlfriend, short and pudgy, grabbed his shoulder.
“Not now,” she said. “He’s my friend.” I walked away in confusion. This clearly didn’t concern me.
Brittany and Jacob arrived about a half hour later, the other friend shortly after. With the guests growing restless, it was time for the real party to begin.
The non-drinkers and couples left, presumably to have their own fun on this wintry Saturday night. The remaining twelve of us split up into three cars: Hoff’s, my other friend’s, and Jacob’s. I ended up in Jacob’s with Brittany and two others. Hoff led the way, since he was the only one who knew where the house was located. He sped through stop signs and whizzed ahead, unconcerned with the people following behind. Eventually, we caught up and stopped at a house only a block away from my grandmother’s. The lights were on inside, and a car sat idle in the driveway. Brittany called Hoff.
“What the hell is going on?” she yelled. I could picture him shrugging his narrow shoulders.
“Looks like it’s been sold,” he answered. “Don’t worry, I have a backup.” He sped out and began to drive back towards my house. We followed dutifully. Eventually, we reached one of the wealthier areas of town, with houses resting on plots of land of about two acres. We knew which house it was. White, and foreboding, it reeked of abandonment. We got out of the car, and Brittany put her arm around my shoulder.
“Any interesting guys?” she asked, like any best friend would. I blushed, although she couldn’t see.
“Daniel’s pretty cute,” I said nonchalantly. Her face lit up.
“I told Jacob you’d be into him!” she exclaimed. I shushed her.
“Don’t say anything,” I pleaded. “I don’t even know if he’s into me.”
“Don’t worry.” She giggled. “Mum’s the word.” She proceeded to grab Jacob and start kissing his neck. Mildly nauseated, I walked into the house with the rest of the group. We creeped through the back bushes.
“Not too loud,” Hoff warned. “We could get arrested for trespassing.” Five of the girls all gasped simultaneously.
“You didn’t tell us this was illegal!” one of them exclaimed. Hoff rolled his eyes.
“It’s not like I’ve ever been caught,” he said. “I’m just warning you.” He unlocked the door with a key his father had given him and we all entered. The house was completely empty and there were no interior doors, only windows paning the entire front of the house. If one was looking, they could see everything going on inside. Jacob walked in last, carrying two black garbage bags full of cans of warm beer.
“Anyone want?” he offered. Daniel, Jason, Brittany, Hoff, two other girls, and I approached the bag greedily, while some of the girls, including the other birthday girl, stood back.
“I’m calling my mom,” she announced. “This is just too sketchy.” None of us really cared. We could have the party without her. We cracked open our beers and began exploring. Jacob and Brittany immediately took over the basement, leaving us, my bowl, and Daniel’s baggy of weed.
We sat in a circle reminiscent of a campfire.
“You smoke?” Daniel asked me, seemingly in shock. I laughed.
“Obviously,” I said, even though I had only started that summer. He stared at me in disbelief.
“But you look so innocent!” he exclaimed.
“Looks can be deceiving,” I said flirtatiously, letting my mouth go into my signature half-smile. Daniel packed the bowl, lit it, and handed it to me.
“You get first,” he ordered. He held the lighter over it as I sucked long and hard. I blew out a few seconds later, already feeling the effects. After we had all taken a hit, we began to walk around, passing the bowl along the way. Still nursing my can of beer, I was done after three hits.
Bored and high, we all went into the kitchen to stare at the stars. Daniel and I both leaned against the countertop.
“You see that tree?” he pointed one of the thin, straggly ones out to me.
“Yeah,” I giggled, staring into his eyes.
“Looks like a soldier, doesn’t it? With its gun raised in the air?” He stared right back.
“Yeah!” Hoff exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere. I groaned inwardly. “I see it!” As the two boys stared, a car passed by with its headlights on. Strange, considering it was past midnight on a residential street. Even stranger, when the very same car passed by in the opposite direction two minutes later.
“I think we should leave,” I announced. “The car definitely suspects something.” They all hurried out, with Daniel and I trailing behind.
“I love the things you see when you’re high,” he said. “Like look at that tree over there.” I turned my head, and he pushed me. I stared at him in open-mouthed shock.
“What?” he shrugged innocently. “You’re so small. I can do anything to you.” He pushed me again. He was right. At five feet, I was small, and the high made him look like a giant. We all dutifully piled into Hoff’s black BMW except for Jacob and Brittany, who got into Jacob’s. Being the last one in, I found no place to sit, so I settled for Daniel’s lap. Hoff turned on his iPod speakers and we just sat there and talked. I felt Daniel’s hand graze my thigh, but thought nothing of it. I was completely in his way. Obviously, he was going to end up touching me. I only hoped that I wasn’t crushing him.
Two of the girls began playfully arguing as the music thumped on over the latest movie character. Daniel looked confused.
“Who is he?” he whispered in my ear, brushing my hair of the way. I felt his voice reverberate in every bone of my body, even though he was only speaking to me.
“Just an actor.” I whispered back. “Not really my type.”
“So what is your type?” He ran his hands over my waist. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he playfully began tickling my stomach until I fell over. I found my head in Jason’s lap.
“Why, hello there,” he said. “What are you doing?” I pointed to Daniel.
“It’s his fault!” We burst into hysterics as the rest of the car just stared at us.
“I’m so horny,” the girl in the front said. “That’s what always happens when I smoke.”
“Me too,” Daniel whispered in my ear again, this time nipping my lobe. This was happening. This was really happening.
“Hey,” Hoff said worriedly. “Is that the car again?” We saw the tail end of the black car we had seen before, headlights flashing.”
“Drive!” I exclaimed. The last thing I needed before hearing from college was an arrest. Hoff shifted into full gear and began to drive quickly, ignoring all stop signs along the way. Not wearing a seatbelt, I began to lurch forward, until Daniel grabbed me.
“I’ll protect you,” he swore, our faces touching. We sat that way for the rest of the ride, until we had returned to my house. 12:55 AM. Five minutes before my curfew. I got out first, holding his hand. I heard the others whisper, but whether because I was too high or too ensconced with Daniel, I didn’t care. I unlocked the door and let us all in. While the others ran to the kitchen in search of food, Daniel followed me.
“Where can I hang my coat?” he asked. I took him to the rack, and then walked back towards the kitchen. But instead of joining everyone at the counter, we sat on the tan couch in the adjoining den. I giggled.
“You’re so giggly!” he exclaimed. “Why?”
“I’m so high,” I answered. We were both silent for a moment; then, I felt his lips on mine. Nothing had ever seemed so natural. I grabbed his neck, and he stroked my chin, and we sat kissing for what seemed like eons.
“Can we go somewhere more private?” he asked. I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. His hand on my butt, I led him to the black and white room I had shown him on the tour. I saw on the modern L-shaped couch as he looked at my baby pictures.
“Is this the room with the squishy couch?” He appraised the portrait of my sister and I on the wall, from when we were 10 and 8.
“Nah,” I answered. Suddenly, he jumped on top of me and bit my neck.
“It’s ok,” he said. “This black and white is turning me on.” I wrapped my legs around him as we melted into each other. I felt his hand reach under my dress. I hesitated. No one had ever gone there before. He began to undo the snaps keeping my bodysuit together, and made his way under my tights.
“You make this so difficult,” he joked.” I felt immense pressure, his fingers stroking me. Was it supposed to be this painful? After a few minutes of agony, he pulled them out. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he looked down.
“You really don’t make moves,” he said. “Don’t I get some…”
“Reciprocation?” I finished for him.
“Yeah!” he exclaimed. “That’s it!”
“Well,” I said. “If you really want it…” I unbuttoned his pants and made the rhythmic motion I had done so many times before with others. Then, getting bored, I began to straddle him and we started kissing again. He was unzipping my dress as I heard my mom yell “Rikki!”
“Shit!” I whispered, and zipped it up halfway. I saw my mother in her flannel pajamas at the top of the stairs holding her head.
“Your friends are so loud,” she moaned, and then kissed me on the cheek. “Have you been drinking?”
“Just some beer,” I said nonchalantly. My mom nodded.
“Right,” she said. “Tell them to quiet down. It’s late and I need some sleep.” I dutifully bounded down the stairs and found Daniel.
“Come with me,” I ordered. “Two seconds.” I found everyone sitting in the kitchen.
“Quiet down?” I requested. “My parents are trying to sleep.” Jason opened the door.
“We’re going to go out to eat,” Brittany said. We all walked outside.
“Be here in an hour-ish?” Daniel asked Jason. He nodded.
“Sure thing.” They all drove away in their respective cars, and Daniel and I were left alone.
We returned to our original room, with the tan couch. The house was dead silent. I undid his pants and began stroking again, until I heard a creak.
“I don’t like this,” I said. “My dad could walk down and find us here like this.”
“Why don’t we find another room?” he suggested. He saw an open door. “How about that one?” It was a bathroom, but in both of our inebriated minds it seemed to be our only option. He shut the door behind us and pinned me against a wall, unzipping my dress. I unbuttoned his shirt, and he took off his undershirt. His muscular chest gleamed in the moonlight. My bodysuit and tights came off completely. He unhooked my bra, with some effort. We stood before each other completely naked, and he kissed me everywhere, working his way down.
“Are you a virgin?” he asked. I was startled by the question. I had never even imagined myself in this position, and certainly not tonight, as a senior in high school.
“Yeah,” I answered. Embarrassing, but true.
“Dammit!” he exclaimed.
“No,” I said. “It’s ok.”
“Really?” he asked, dubious. I nodded. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a condom. He put it on, and then tried to put it inside me. However, that wasn’t going to work unless he bent a good six inches or I miraculously grew.
“We can lie down,” I suggested.
“On the floor?” He eyed the black and white checked tile. I shrugged.
“Better than this.” He got on top of me and I felt him inside, but there was only pain. I wondered briefly if I was bleeding and when it would be over. Then I heard a sharp intake of breath, and he got up.”
“What happened?” I asked. Then I saw the condom in his hand.
“It broke,” He said. He hugged me. “Don’t worry. My first time sucked too.” I hugged him back.
“You don’t suck,” I said meaningfully. We began kissing again. “Want me to give you head?”
“Yeah!” he answered enthusiastically. I took him in my mouth. He pulled me on top of him, and he did the same to me. “Want to try sex again? I brought another one.” He took out his new condom and we tried again. However, this time, only thirty seconds later, we found it on the floor.
“I guess it’s just not meant to be,” I said. We kissed standing up, our hands around each other. Then I heard footsteps. I broke out of my stupor. What if my dad needed to use the bathroom?
“Quick,” I hissed. “Get dressed! I hear him!”
“Who?” Daniel asked, puzzled.
“My dad!” I exclaimed. I dressed hastily. “I’ll step outside and see if he’s there. You stay here. I’ll tell you when the coast is clear.” I tip-toed out and looked around, but did not see my father anywhere. Just a figment of my imagination, but the moment had passed. I led him out, and he took his coat. Checking his phone, he frowned.
“I think Jason’s outside,” he said. We walked out the back door and found him in the front yard, outside the door, poised to knock.
“Thank God!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t think you were ever coming out!” Daniel and I laughed.
“I’m starved,” Daniel declared. “Can we get food?” Jason looked at him as if he had three heads.
“It’s three in the morning!” He thrust his hands out. “Do you really think anywhere’s open?”
“Come on,” Daniel chided. “It’s a Saturday night. Somewhere has to have something.” Jason shrugged helpless and turned to me.
“Want to come?” he offered. And I did, but I wasn’t stupid enough to push my luck. My parents would be suspicious if I returned home again at four.
“I’ll have to pass,” I said. “I still have parents.” They both hugged me and went to the car.
“See you around,” Daniel said. But I knew he wouldn’t.


Weeks passed. I told no one but Brittany and a few other close friends. Obviously, I friended him on Facebook, but we didn’t speak. However, in those weeks, I found out a great deal about him. I was only the second girl he ever had sex with, and he had actually dated Eric’s girlfriend for a year and a half in high school. He was a freshman at Brooklyn College, smart but unmotivated. And it looked like he had just been a one-night stand: nothing more, nothing less. Despite that, I went on birth control without telling my mother. You never know, after all.
I was just getting ready to go to sleep one Friday night about three weeks later when I heard my phone buzz. This was unusual, since most of my friends were observant Jews and didn’t use their phones on Friday nights. Curiously, I got up to check it and saw that it was a Facebook message from Eric. Although we were friendly, Eric and I weren’t exactly what you’d call good friends, and I had no idea why he would be Facebook messaging me. I opened my laptop and signed in hastily.
“Ah Rikki!” it read. “Not Daniel…anybody but Daniel…promise me you will never do that again. I’m sorry but you’re going to make me cry.” I stared at the screen in shock. How did he even find out? I called Brittany, and she picked up on the first ring.
“Sorry,” she said. “I don’t even know how he found out about the hooking up part, and Jacob thought he knew the rest, so he told him. Are you mad?” Mad? How could I be mad? I was still in total shock.
“It’s fine,” I answered. “It was going to get out somehow.” I hung up.


I didn’t see Jacob again until late December, the Thursday after Eric’s Facebook message, for another friend’s birthday. I arrived at Brittany’s house to get ready just at the same time he came to deliver her belated birthday gift. He gave me a huge hug, then eyed me with concern.
“How’s Daniel?” he asked, but I knew that he knew.
“I don’t know,” I answered brightly, but with an edge of resentment. “We haven’t spoken.”
“Really?” He seemed shocked.
“It’s fine.” I shrugged, walking to the door. He followed. “I really don’t care. If he wanted to talk to me, I wouldn’t exactly mind, but I don’t want anyone to force him into anything. I just want to know what Eric’s problem is.”
“He’s just being stupid,” Jacob said. “And I wouldn’t have told him about the sex thing, but I thought he knew. He was getting so worked up, and who gets worked up about kissing? At this age?” The expression on his face was so ludicrous that I had to laugh. Brittany opened the door and jumped on Jacob. As usual, completely PDA. This was going to be a long night.


And indeed, the night was long. Brittany and Jacob continued their constant touching at the restaurant for dinner, and again in the car while Jacob was driving me to the sleepover, which they had decided to forgo. And everyone knows that sleepovers aren’t for sleeping. I arrived home exhausted. However, a few friends decided to go out for lunch and I joined. When I returned from that, I decided to take a nap. What I thought would be fifteen minutes turned into hours, and I ended up sleeping through dinner. I awoke to five text messages, three of them from Facebook. The second one was what caught my eye.
“Facebook message from Daniel Goodman!” the subject line seemed to scream. I froze. Was he really trying to get in touch with me after four weeks? Or had he just heard about Eric? Without even realizing, I stopped breathing and opened the message.
“I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you,” it read, “And then I realized that I never sent this message. So retroactively, from about a month ago, hey, what’s up?” My first reaction was to call Brittany.
“You will never guess who I got a Facebook message from,” I began.
“Not Eric again,” she said. “He really has to stop.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Daniel!” She gasped. “Did you or Jacob put him up to this?”
“I know I didn’t,” she said. “I’m with Jacob right now. I’ll ask.” I heard muttering on the other end of the line for a few minutes. I thought that she had forgotten about me and was about to hang up, until I heard a deep male voice.
“Rikki?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered, attempting to sound nonchalant. “What’s up?”
“Well, I was talking to him on Wednesday, and you came up. But I promise, I didn’t bring you up.” He paused, almost searching for my affirmation.
“And?” This was getting interesting.
“He said that you seemed cool,” he continued. “And he felt bad for not talking to you. So I guess he finally decided to. But I promise, I didn’t put him up to it.” He thought I was cool? I couldn’t remember being more excited about anything in my life.