The Shrink That Needed a Shrink

The Shrink Who Needed a Shrink



By, Charlie Fischer







         Most sorrowful Phil Jenson had been severely suffering of late, since his mind continually and with piercing intensity turned toward unhappy, unwelcomed and dangerously hateful thoughts.  The evil swept through his mind as a plague through a city; Phil had not felt a moment’s peace for two months.  His brain pounded a flow of thinking that was so charged with electrical acidity, he considered murdering God, the Devil, the entire human race and himself too.  On reading an article on mental health, Mr. Jenson diagnosed his problems as stemming from depression, so he administered therapy to himself; he became his own patient.  The patient continued feeling miserable and Phil, the doctor, became depressed as well.  Mr. Jenson was a ripe prospect for Doctor Lawless’ advertisement.



         Dr. Lawless advertised in the local Sunday paper that he could heal persons having unwanted thoughts, feelings of guilt, problems of alienation or emotional disturbances.  The Doctor said he could cure depression in three weeks or he would refund his $125 per hour fee.  Mr. Jenson made an appointment with Doctor Lawless, and the first visit wasn’t too bad.  On leaving, he gave the doctor $125, and went for a walk, as the doctor suggested.  “Yeah,” Mr. Phil Jenson thought, “I feel a little better.”  Phil went to the doctor three times a week for two weeks, and was told that his depression was cured, and Phil felt that this was true-Phil Jenson was happy.  He walked a lot, went to sporting events, and even took up fishing.



         His happiness ended soon.  Phil received a letter from Dr. Lawless asking that he come to the doctor’s office; the doctor had some kind of findings regarding Mr. Jenson’s depression.  Mr. Jenson went to see just what the good doctor had in mind, and found that the good news was that the depression, in fact, had disappeared wonderfully as the patient, Phil, knew.  The bad news was that Phil was found to be suffering from schizophrenia, paranoia type as diagnosed by doctors who analyzed the scores Phil received on a battery of tests he had taken.  Doctor Lawless commanded hospitalization treatment where Phil’s insurance company would pay for all of the medical expenses.  Phil was assured there would be no out of pocket expenses.



         When Phil Jensen declined treatment, the doctor threatened to reveal Phil’s mental state to Phil’s boss.  The doctor threatened to inform Phil’s boss that he was not fit to work, and make Phil look ill.  What wise employer would want a libelous lawsuit for exposing an ill individual to further sickness?  Dr. Lawless drew a clear picture of how his lawyers would sue any employer for keeping a mentally ill employee on the job knowing the employee’s mind might incur a complete break down.  Dr. Lawless explained that a jury would decide against any employer who wouldn’t let their poor sick employee receive the treatment that Dr. Lawless’ hospital administered.  Phil Jensen became painfully aware he was being victimized and couldn’t do a thing about it; he knew his boss, mainly in real estate sales, would take the professional doctor’s diagnosis as gospel truth. He was positive the doctor’s gigantic lies would keep him unemployed.  Phil became livid with anger, bit his lower lip until it oozed blood, but what good would becoming enraged do, Phil was being crucified.  Phil’s truth against the psychiatrist and his staff’s lies hadn’t a chance.

 

         Mr. Jenson was dumbfound and in a state of shock on knowing, through his studies, that he hadn’t any schizophrenia, but was, instead, a victim of a sick psychiatrist, an evil shrink who was in the need of a shrink himself.  Now, Phil Jenson, realizing the whole scam of Dr. Lawless and his staff, and having an understanding of what might happen if he were to defend himself at that time, decided to fight these lies and liars by fighting fire against fire.  Phil Jenson, who did some little theater work, and knew a bit about acting, told the doctor that he has thought it over and has come to believe that a rest might do him some good. Mr. Jensen believed that, without a doubt, he could not defend himself against Dr. Lawless, so he was going along with the scam with the most convincing non-confrontational disarming behavior that he could.



         Phil said, “I realize that you don’t know about these symptoms, and I have never mentioned them to anyone, but, Doctor, I do hear voices, at times, and I believe the Mother of God urges me on, at times.”  The doctor taken back dismissed Phil’s remarks as coming from a person, not realizing the ramifications of such statements.



         Sir, said Doctor Lawless, making statements as these, can only make others believe you are worse than my diagnosis will state; please just cooperate with our way here, Mr. Jensen, or you will be in for more trouble than you can anticipate. In fact, I’m calling a tech right now before you spout off again.  On entering the doctor’s office, the tech grabbed Mr. Jenson, put a restraining device upon him, shoved him into a white medical van and drove Mr. Jenson to a small, but real, mental institution.  The hospital, Peaceful Hill’s Treatment Center, was now Phil’s new home. It was after seven months of being a patient in Peaceful Hill’s, that Phil had a visitor to his room.  A private investigator working for an insurance company named Eugene Vibes, had lied his way past the nurse’s station and into Jenson’s hospital room.  He had shown identification that led the nurse, on duty, to believe he was Phil’s uncle Don from Santa Anna.



                   “Mr. Phil Jenson?” asked detective Vibes. 



                   “Yes.”



                   “Mr. Jenson, I am Eugene Vibes Global Medical Insurance Company, and we at GMIC have reason to believe that you are deliberately deceiving Dr. Lawless into believing that you are a Psychotic.  The doctor’s report states that you complained that you hear voices and have seen the Mother of God.  Now, Mr. Jenson, do you remember the maid who was cleaning your room and the day ward for about three months?”



         “Yes, I do.  What ever happened to Betty; she was so nice and friendly; we discussed just everything together?”



         “No lie!  You discussed everything, all right.  Betty is a trained undercover detective schooled in the psychiatric process.  She has reported that she has determined that you are a fraud.  You are not ill at all, your claims to have been hearing voices is a lie-and your claim to have seen the Mother of God is nothing but a spiritual phenomenonical episode, and not a psychotic illness in the least.”



         “Betty told you all those things?” asked Phil.



         “Correct, Mr. Jenson, “these statements and more.”  You had better find another avenue for your existence, because we at GMIC shall not pay another red cent to have you in therapy.  In fact, you are fortunate we do not sue you for deceiving doctor Lawless, but we need to take that issue up with our staff, first.  It seems that you deceived doctor Lawless much too easily and much too swiftly, and if we find he is involved in this scam of yours, he too will be at our mercy.”



         Phil said, “Detective Vibes, I am glad to see you; I am so glad to see you, I am healed.  You just healed my mind, detective.”



         The detective said, “Do not get smart with me.  You faked an illness in front of Dr. Lawless; don’t start with that smart stuff with me.”



         I never pretended that I was sick, detective.  Dr. Lawless has falsely diagnosed me as being psychotic; I came to him to heal a depression-that he did.  He called me back to discuss his findings of a battery of tests he put me through and said the tests prove that I am too ill to work. He was going to report these negative and false findings to my employer-he planned on black balling my entire life, if I didn’t go along with his scam.  I did lie to the Doctor, but not so I might be incarcerated, but that I wouldn’t incur any further humiliation from this ruthless person.



         Vibes seeing the truth coming from Phil realized what was happening as Phil learned earlier.  Doctor Lawless was misdiagnosing his patients on purpose so he could obtain GMIC’s and other company’s insurance payments.  Vibes realized that the doctor’s scam had been working up until now.  GMIC has paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to Doctor Lawless over the years for patients as Phil Jensen who were never psychotic in their lives.  “Phil, I believe you.  I am going to begin a through investigation into the mental health of Dr. Lawless’ past patients.  We shelled out thousands of dollars to heal them of a psychosis that, I’m afraid, never existed.  Phil, heads are going to roll.  You stay here, while I search out and locate other victims as you.  I will get all the medical practitioners in the field of psychiatry that may be necessary to get at the truth about your illness.  I have reason to believe that there are at least a dozen other victims as you have been.  Rest assured, I will discover just how ill you and the others are or have been.  I will undercover the truth about the health of all Lawlwss’ patients, and we will sue this guy.  Take my advice, get a lawyer and prosecute this fraud yourself.  Maybe your lawyer might be interested in opening a class action suit against the doctor, but I am reporting this entire scam to my supervisors right away.  You stay here, as you are, please.  For cooperating with the law, you will be amply rewarded.



         Eugene Vibes, detective for Global Insurance, began his investigation immediately.  Without being surprised, Vibes findings as reported to him by the psychiatrists were extraordinary astonishing.  All of Doctor Lawless’ patients had a depression, yet were never psychotic in their lives (none of the patients were even close to ever being psychotic.)  None of the patients needed to leave their work to stay in a hospital.  All the patients needed were some therapy seasons with a psychologist or a psychological social worker.  None of the patients needed medications or hospitalization.  Doctor Lawless was a fraud and was perpetuating a fraud upon depressed citizens of the community, while he dunned their insurance companies for great sums of money.



         One day, not too far removed from the time Vibes began his investigation, Phil Jensen had three FBI men come to him in the hospital.  “You are free to go, Mr. Jensen,” said one officer.  “Just sign a few papers here, and off you go; you have been healed,” another said. 



         “Healed,” said Phil.  “Healed?”



         “Right, Mac, you have been healed by us, the FBI; you never did have a mental illness except a small depression.  Now, once you sign these papers, you may leave.”



         “Hey, Joe, I’m collecting more evidence; we’ll be here for the evening,” yelled an FBI agent.



         “I will be calling for a pizza delivery; we need six of them.  I’ll order the usual, pepperoni and salami,”  answered Joe, the agent.



         “Sam,” shouted Joe, “The pizza guy will not deliver; he will not believe that the FBI would telephone him and order six pizzas from this mental hospital.”



         Joe said, “Go pick them up; we’ll be OK.”



         At that same time, still another FBI officer holding on to

Dr. Lawless, who was wearing a pair of handcuffs, came into Phil Jensen’s room.  “You should apologize to this fine citizen, doctor; you should ask for his mercy, but…”  Just as the officer was ready to take the doctor to jail, Jensen lunged, with the power of a wounded large feline, at the FBI officer, took his service revolver from under the officer’s coat and shot the doctor three times in the head.  The doctor went down and out like an imploded casino; he hadn’t a chance to say a word, much less an apology to Mr. Jensen. 



         The FBI, called the morgue, switched the handcuffs, delivered Mr. Jensen to jail, and wrote that Doctor Lawless’ case was over.    The case of the shrink who needed a shrink was closed, and the case of the impatient patient was opened.



The End