IF ONLY

I woke up early that fine Saturday morning, I had many plans in mind-things that I should do, supplies I should buy, the children party for the evening that I had to attend. I was excited and happy. I started cleaning without eating breakfast. I cleaned the living room while halfheartedly watched the television. I was almost finished when I noticed the missing display on the wall. The token, the sisters from Saint John (my high-school alma-mater) gave me when I served as guest speaker in the 2008 graduation ceremony. It was a piece of hand woven cloth and written in it was “What does a man profit? If he gained the whole world and loses his own soul?”

A sudden anger overwhelmed me. I knew only one person who would dare get it- my ex-husband. He does not have a key anymore, but he knew the secret passage and the in and out of the house. My goodness! Was he really in need to get even the display on my wall? After the separation, I was forced to give him half of my acquired appliances. He claimed he has rights and those were conjugal properties. I easily agreed. I was gullible when it comes to him, and actually felt pity for him. How could he start a new life if he has no things and no job at that? Really stupid of me after he cheated I was still considering his comfort!! Huh If only he had been satisfied with me, with what we have……..

Only to find out from an “under-bar law graduate” (my high school friend) that anything movable acquired during marriage is not conjugal….If only I had validated those laws he was quoting….

Anyways, I sent messages on his mobile, though I had not received any reply. I poured all my angst, but until my anger subsided.

I was sulking but my stomach would not allow me to contemplate on my anger for the rest of the day. I felt hungry and prepared brewed coffee and bread for breakfast. While eating I felt relieved, it was just a thing anyway. It could be worst.
Lunchtime came and my stomach was not allowing me to settle on light food so I decided to change clothes and treated myself to a restaurant. I had a lovely lunch, eating freshly hot food while reading a book “This thing called love”; every paragraph was so heartwarming that I felt relaxed….

Why not treat myself more? I thought. I went to a spa afterwards for a massage and nail polish. I had a great time. My nail polish was still wet but I decided to shop for some groceries….as I was short of cash, I went to the bank and withdrew just a thousand and did the shopping.

It was raining when I came out of the grocery store. I held my umbrella carefully so as not to damage my nails polish the groceries on the other hand and the bag on my shoulder.

I was waiting for a tricycle and not even one passed by, maybe because it was weekend-no classes. I was impatient, my groceries were heavy and my feet were getting wet because of the rain.

A multicab stopped in front of me. It looked full but I have to get in. It seems inviting there than standing alone on the side of the road raining and hearing the thunder bolts. So I hopped in. The two men in the middle sat apart for me to sit in between them. ‘So kind’, I thought. I noticed though that four of those men inside were wearing white shirts and shorts like those of Army uniform. The man on my left got the umbrella from my left hand saying he will just twist and roll it since it was wet. I looked straight and saw the man in front of me held my groceries seemingly helpful, the other one on my left jerked. After five minutes the multicab stopped in front of my house. As it was raining the one seated at my right even assisted me opening my umbrella.

“So nice of them” I thought again. I got home and was surprised when I realized my wallet was missing….

My heart beat faster, I knew those men are responsible. How could they? For an instant I don’t know what to do first. Call the police? I don’t know the number. Call my friends? My mother or my sister? Gosh! I was disoriented.
The first thing I did was called the mother of the child whose birthday party I was supposed to attend that night. Instead of being disappointed she sounded so worried. She told me to go to the police. I intend to, the problem was I don’t have money. I had to extract some coins from my piggy bank for my fare and went to the police station.

As I was relating the incident to the police, I caught him smiling when he asked of my marital status “separated”. I told him what was inside in the stolen wallet: atm cards, employee id, community tax certificate and other personal documents. I described how it happened. Afterwards he asked for my number, for them to contact me if there is any update. He grinned and asked me,

“Can you be my textmate??? Nyee some kind of a police officer-only in the Philippines.

After that I went to my two banks and requested for the blocking of my accounts. The BDO was fine…but the landbank was not…it was closed and no guard was on duty.

I called my friends and my mother told them the whole incident. When I heard my daughter on the phone I felt crying….she sounded so innocent when she asked me…

“What happened to you mama?” It was very heartwarming and I could not speak. For me she is the best thing I will ever have and the wallet doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

I sat alone thinking. If only I stayed home. If only I waited for the rain to stop. If only I waited for tricycle. If only I had presence of mind and let not my mind wander as always. If only those people had heart. If only they knew how to earn money for themselves. If only there is no crisis that forced them did it…IF ONLY….

I could blame myself again and again. I could put so much anger and curse those people but it will not change anything…. “It could be worse” as one friend told me….In the end I was still thankful I still have my mobile phone to connect with the people that matter to me…and thankful so much that I have those people to share with my story….people that matters…not things….and so now I will not think about the negative two words IF ONLY… instead. I will think of what I could do better…