TONITE'S RECIPE!

HI! I'm tieclip, and welcome to TONITE'S RECIPE! Tonight we're going to prepare a lovely pasta dish I call FLOODED FORUM Pasta! It's usually made with Spam, but tonight we'll be using frozen shrimp. OK? LET'S GO!

Now, first you need a pot and a pan. The pot's the bigger thing with two little handles, the one that's deeper. The pan is that kinda flat, shallow one. Right. Fill the pot up half way with water and put a little salt in it. Put just a couple of drops of corn oil in the pan. Put them both on the front burners - we don't want to lose anyone's attention, right? Now, turn those knobs sticking out on top of the stove around. Turn the one for the pot ALL THE WAY, baby. The one on the pan just goes up about a third of the way. OK! : )

Now, while the water is getting bubbly in the pot, chop up some garlic and throw it in the pan. More..... More.... OK. Now an onion, same thing. No, the whole onion......OK. Now, get that cooked, peeled shrimp out and slam it on the counter. Harder..... Harder.... Don't try to smash it with your hand. Grab the end of the bag and SLAM IT baby..... that's it....OK Now grab a handful of shrimp off the counter and throw them in the pan. Lovely aroma : )

See those big bubbles coming out of the pot? Well, that means it's time to throw in some pasta. What kind? WHO CARES? The secret to pasta is IT ALL TASTES THE SAME. Are you writing this down? OK! Now see that smoke coming out of the pan? STIR IT baby. I'm there; are you there? I feel it; do you feel it? YES.

Now get the shrimp out of the pan and put it in a little bowl. See that juice left in the pan? Know what it is? It's SECRET SAUCE baby. That's right. What I said. Open one of those teeny cans of tomato paste. Now, wait. The lid's pointing down in the can, it needs to open up out of the can. NO. Don't use your fingers. Get a spoon and get the lid out. Don't bend the..... OK. Open the other end of the can. The lid's pointing in on this end, too? Use your bent spoon to push the lid down further on this end. See how the other end is opening up? CAN YA SEE IT? Oh my yes. Now PUSH that tomato paste into the pan before we all SCREAM IN AGONY : ) That's it, stir it. OK : )

Pasta's done. Drain it in the sink. Well, OK normally we use a basket to drain it in, but those little rubber fingers over the disposer hole will keep most of it in the sink. Slop that ole pasta into a bigger bowl. Man you got ALL THE MOVES. Now keep stirring that sauce. SMOOOOTH.

Before we go on there's a question I'd like to ask. Just between you and me and the good ole WRITING.COM FORUM. Turn that camera around for us will ya, Jimmy? There they are, all my favorite POSTER CHILDREN from WRITING.COM. Let's have a nice round of applause folks. I SAID GIVE IT UP. But seriously, lean in here a bit... what I'd really like to know is... ARE YOU HUNGRY???? WHAT'S THAT??? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! WELL OK : )

Just toss that shrimp on top of that pasta and flood it with tomatoey secret sauce goodness. And enjoy your dinner : ) That's it for tonight folks. Join us again tomorrow night for MUSHROOM HUNT soup. Until then, KEEP POSTING : )