Lesson 3 Part 2

Blind Exercise

For this exercise part of the assignment, I choose to be blind. It was and ‘eye opening’ experience. At first, I thought I would be hard pressed to have anything interesting to report.

My time being as crowded as most folks.Like most people finding an hour I could dedicate to doing nothing, as I first supposed, was difficult. Today, I decided, I would just stop what I was doing and do the exercise. I stopped with last night’s dinner leftovers nuking for lunch. I donned my bandanna doo rag as a blindfold. I was suddenly vulnerable and out of sorts. The simple task of grabbing a hot plate out of the microwave and eating became far more of an ordeal. My dog wasn’t that thrilled about what ‘dad’ was doing either. He kept getting under foot, which was certainly not helping things.

Feeling my way around the kitchen and placing my lunch on the counter went fairly well, I only cracked my head once, full on into an open cabinet door’s edge. I made my way to my living room coffee table to eat. I found quite a few empty spoonfuls reaching my mouth. Adding salt or pepper to this fare was now out of the question. An attempt at retrieving these landed me in my bedroom, stubbing a toe on an old rocking chair that lives near the door. I also figured I would have to pour the salt into my palm and guess how much was there. I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. I finally wound up with all the vegetables, creamed corn, and beans all mixed into one gluttonous mess…. Finally eating the goop covered pork chop with my hands. Yummers. Getting a piece of homemade cheesecake out of the fridge and finding a knife to cut it with, went without serious injury or stitches. I did opt for using a dinner size plate instead of the normal cake size one. The dog still wound up treats though and he started to like this operation! Me? Not so much, as the little things grew in both difficulty and safety concerns. Lighting a cigarette almost cost me a mustache and the tip of my Scillian nose!

I had also left the computer’s radio on, which plays through the stereo. No way could I control it. Not without risking certain and deadly XP Pc lock up. Reading and writing was a moot point. I didn’t trust myself to go outside, on what is the nicest day of the year. I live on the second floor. The landing and staircase is outside and small, cluttered with bicycles and barbecues from both the adjoining neighbors and me.

However, what struck me most throughout this was something that completely blindsided me, the emotional experience. A few years ago, I lost my wife without warning. I have dealt with the grief as best it can be and am trying to move on. What I found though was that this ‘blindness’ caused an acute emptiness in me for her. My thoughts turned to the, what if’s. Something I discipline myself not to fall into now. I thought of how she would have behaved with me through this exercise. It wasn’t a bad or sad thing really, a natural thing I think. It just surprised me that when I felt out of sorts, and peculiarly vulnerable, that my thoughts still turned to her. Sensing her laugh, as I stubbed my toe or missed the beans on my plate or me roostering up, telling her quit laughing and stop trying to help, I can do it, I’m a guy dang it! It’s a road map thing…
This bittersweet fantasy, in turned made me think of all those that are in fact blind and live alone. The emptiness, the vulnerability on all levels, the loneliness and isolation, which I believe now, are compounded by their lack of visual sight.

I don’t know if this is exactly what the instructors wanted but it is my experience with it. For me it was the blindsided emotional impact upon me which made the biggest difference in me. I believe this simple and innocent exercise has helped me become more insightful to some of the hidden needs and challenges of others with far more visible disabilities. Pass or fail, for that I am thankful.

Thaylon Taylor