LOVE MAKING Mini Series: Episode 2 Pt 2

"Could This Be...? Part 2

I’m nervous. God I’m soo nervous I’m perspiring under my arms, hope it doesn’t soak through before the end of lunch. Why does it feel like everyone is watching me? Probably because I’m here to meet a man who is already claimed by another woman. I hope Degree holds up to its claims.

I close my eyes behind the dark shades I’m wearing. Try and still my shaky nerves. I shouldn’t be this nervous. It’s just him. Who you ask?
Oh just a man that I gave an ultimatum to and then walked away when he failed to quickly make a decision. Kept telling myself that if it was meant to be he would come after me. Waited several months then finally took the hint. Shed my tears and dealt with the fact that my heart was lost. Didn’t look back, not even when every man I met couldn’t erase him from my psyche. Not one guy could erase his smile, or the feel of his hands, or the smell of his skin. Not even my husband.

Yes, I said I’m married. And I don’t care what you’re thinking because you are wrong. I am not cheating. I am not having an affair. I love my husband. But be real with yourself. There are so many people who live in this world who had a one true love and then for whatever reason ended up without them. What, am I suppose to be alone because I couldn’t be with the one I couldn’t forget?

Open my eyes and the image of his face does not fade. The look he would get when he wanted me in the worse way. As if I was the only woman on this earth. A real gentleman wouldn’t let me carry anything too heavy. Always opened the door and pulled out my chair, a rarity these days. It took me a long time to get use to the men who didn’t do those things.

As good as all that sounds, there were some things that over shadowed the handsome gentleman that still has my heart. Nothing is perfect, myself included. And like most men he was afraid of commitment. Or better yet he was afraid of marriage. The more I pushed to live beyond the new trend of shacking and “common law” marriages, the more he felt the need to mask his frustrations in all men’s favorite past time; women.

Oh, I was still queen of his castle, but it was just an image because once the ball got rolling he felt no need to stop his misguided actions. It was either me, or them. Be with the woman you claim you want to spend your life with or I’m out.

This should have been a hard decision. And if it takes you too long to produce an answer then obviously you don’t know what it is you want. So I left. Wanted to believe that if I was so important to him he wouldn’t let me stay gone for long.

So now I sit here hiding behind my shades looking my best for a man who will not leave my troubled mind alone. Someone that up until recently I had believed was a dream that I finally awakened from. Torn between the woman in me who still loves him with all her heart and soul. And the bitch in me who hates him for tearing me apart like this.

Why was I here? Why did I agree to this? Here I was playing the part of the other woman and for what? To torture myself? To show myself what I already knew; that I was not over him? Could you believe he is soon to marry someone else? After he drove me crazy because he wasn’t ready, now all of a sudden he is? So why did he want to see me? To rub it in?

I was just as content to pretend I hadn’t seen him in the hospital café nearly three weeks ago. Just fine with believing I may have been hallucinating. But of course he made sure this was no mistake. He was there in the flesh and still looking at me as if I were the only woman on earth. While he was planning a wedding to another woman and I was married to someone else.

I should get up and leave right now. Let all this go and get on with the life I worked hard to achieve. And I would have if he wasn’t walking over to my table with the window view being escorted by the hostess. I hope I remember to breathe.