After-Land

AFTER-LAND

Ring, ring!

I fumble for my handphone in my jeans pocket. I dig into the pocket. It is so small my tiny fingers can hardly fit inside. How had I ever managed to put it in earlier? Doesn’t matter now.

Ring, ring!

Ring, ring!

Finally I am able to squeeze my fingers into it. I quickly fish it out. I check the screen for the caller ID, but what I see is: Missed Call

Damn it. I suddenly realize it has stopped beeping. I quickly check for the missed calls ID. Ah, there, the latest one. It says, Heidi. Oh, Heidi.

I redial the number. On the fifth ring, she picks up.

“Hello?” she says. I almost missed her voice because it was muffled ‒ almost camouflaged by the noisy background noise.

“Heidi,” I speak, my voice climbing a little higher to be sure she can hear me over all the sounds. “It’s me, Meg.”

The noise finally drifts away. I can hear the clanking of high-heel shoes. “Meg, right. You didn’t answer your phone.”

That’s Heidi all right. She always has to make a statement no matter how obvious the situation. Anyway.

“Sorry.”

She clears her throat. It is so silent now I can actually hear it. “Well, I just wanted to see if you wanted to come Mel’s party tonight. I thought we could go together.”

How typical of Heidi. Heidi is my best friend. We’ve been bffs since about forever. I know her soul as well as I know mine. Sometimes I even wonder if she knows me better than I do.

“So…what do you think?” Heidi’s voice snaps me out of my reverie.

I tug at the yellow blankets. “I’ll have to ask Mom about this one first. What time is it anyway?”

Heidi takes a moment to answer. “Er, it starts at 7 p.m., but Mel says we can come anytime we want.” When I don’t say anything, she adds, “I heard Michael’s gonna be there.”

I can feel blood rushing to my cheek when she says it. The only person I’ve told about my crush on him was Heidi ‒ I mean, I told her everything. But that didn’t mean she can talk about it. But of course it’d be too awkward to say so, and I wasn’t daring enough to bring it up again. Michael is, of course, drop-dead gorgeous: tall, athletic, top of class, a total hottie. I heard he was still single, but of course, some of the girls in my class had been trying to flirt with him. Still, it is worth a try for me to get him. I mean, I’m not totally hideous; I hang out with him and the other boys during recess; we’re both competitive over our results; and hey, even though I’m not all athletic like him, I still have some body.

I nod, then suddenly realize she can’t see it. Aloud, I say, “I’m going to ask her now. Hold on.”

I rush out of my bedroom. From upstairs, I can see my little sister Sara playing with her dolls down in the hall. I can hear the sound of a door clicking open. I turn around and sure enough see Mom standing there, hair soaking wet, dressed in a white t-shirt and navy blue shorts.

“Mom,” I address her, hands behind my back, using my most grown-up voice. She can’t help but smile back. “Melissa’s throwing a party tonight. Do you think I can go with Heidi?”

She considers this for a moment, palms resting against the staircase railing. “You need to study, don’t you? Your exam’s coming soon.”

Uh-oh. “I’ll do it tomorrow. I really wanna enjoy tonight. Please, Mom?” I say, putting on my adorable puppy-dog face.

Finally, she nods. “Fine, whatever. Just don’t be too late, okay?”

I throw my hands into the air. “Thanks Mom!” I cry out, run back to my room and put the phone back to my ear.

“Hello? Heidi?”

She mumbles something. “Well, what did she say?”

“Yes. Isn’t it great?” I say.

Heidi agrees, then says, “I’ll pick you up at 9 then, ok? And please, please , dress like a girl.”

I sigh. Heidi really thinks I’m a true tomboy. Last time I wore a black cap that hid my short black hair and wore dark blue trousers, someone thought I was a boy.

“You remember, don’t you?” Heidi chides. When I don’t answer because of embarrassment, she just laughs, and says, “Ok. Whatever. See you later.”

“Bye,” I reply, and hang up the phone.

Little did I know this little party was going to change my life drastically.



By 7.00 p.m., I am dressed, made-up and of course, beautiful. Although handsome would be much more likely. I am dressed in a sinfully delicious red halter top and my brand-new jeans jacket to go along with it. A pair of three quarter-length black cotton pants completes the look. And I was done! My short black hair is gelled up into sparkly tiny spikes.

“Nice,” I tell myself in the mirror, fingering my adorable little spikes. I’d gone for a hairstyling class during the holidays last year so I knew some of the more stylish styles and how to design them.

There is a short tap on my door just then. My attention is swayed slightly for a moment.

“Meg? Can I come in?” It is Mom’s voice; I can tell.

I turn back to the mirror and run a hand through my hair. “Door’s not lock,” I say to her.

I hear the doorknob being twisted slightly and a moment later, my mother enters my bedroom. Through the mirror, I can see Mom’s unspoken shock at my messy room, What is going on? I know: I’ve got clothes thrown everywhere, pillows hanging above one cupboard and papers and assignments scattered along my table, floor and even lying on my bed.

I wait for her non-stop lecture to start. I’d already planned how to do it. Just nod, say something like ‘Yes’ at whatever she says and tune it out otherwise.

Instead, it doesn’t start. I glance back at Mom. She’s chosen the only clear spot to sit on: the edge of my bed. I notice her olive-green t-shirt matches with my bedspread very well, although I don’t mention it. I have a perfect eye for fashion; well, my ambition is to be an internationally famous fashion designer (on demand, too!) after all. Go figure.

Then her face. She’s smiling that extra-special smile that says she’s so-ooo happy and the way her hands keep fiddling with my blanket tells me she’s nervous. Ooh, what about? Maybe she’s just been promoted from manager to CEO, I dunno.

“Hey, Mom,” I greet her politely. “Can I help you with anything?”

She stops fiddling and just looks at me for a second before she takes a deep breath, and I suddenly remember what the Biology teacher said: When we inhale, our internal intercoastal muscle contracts, causing our ribs to move upwards and outwards. It then relaxes. Next, the diagphram muscle contracts and moves downwards and flattens. Our thorastic cavity increases while the air pressure is low.

“…and I just wondered if you could stand in for me, er, tonight,” she was saying. “You see‒”

It snaps me out of my reverie as my mind starts working again. “What?” I interrupt her, blinking. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

She pauses, then smiles slightly. “I was saying, Celia just invited me for dinner tonight. She wants to discuss some business plans with me and I was wondering if you could just ditch the party tonight ‒ just tonight ‒ to ‒”

“Ditch the party?” I gasp. “Mom, what the hell?”

She purses her lips. I suddenly realise I’ve just used a swear word in front of her but I don’t care. Can’t care. For Goodness’s sake she just asked me to ditch the party! And Melissa was like the start to popularity! And Michael was going to be there!!! Oh…tragedy…. What if Melissa happened to hit on him!?! Oh, the unspoken fears(!): what if someone or just whoever was planning to do it??? Or what if there were other girls‒!?

“Meg.” Mom is waving a hand in front of my face now. “Earth to Meg. Meg,” she says again, eyebrows raised. Her features are now showing the slightest hint of impatience as well as frustration. Somewhere I remember her telling me: "getting angry all the time raises your blood pressure, so just chill, honey" . How ironic was this right now ?

I am not in the mood to apologize. Neither am I in the mood to laugh at my own private joke. And did I also mention the fact that I am so embarrassed arguing with my Mom in a Lancome Juicy Tube lipgloss and halter top? It is all too confusing. Why is she doing this to me??

“I don’t care. I’m going to the party,” I say.

“Watch your words, Meg,” Mom says before adding: “Honey, this isn’t the hundredth time I’m asking you to skip a party. Please ‒ this is important.”

I glower. “Get a nanny for Sara then. I want to go to the party.” The words that slip out of my mouth and harsh and loud, like a whip raking the air.

Mom sighs, grimacing slightly. “Meg, you don’t understand. I haven’t said this before, but I think now is the right time to tell you. Your father’s business is going through a very bad year, and apparently we’re running low on finance.”

When I get mad, there’s just nothing to stop me. Fresh waves of tears start to well up in my eyes. I stand my ground despite that. “Well, it’s not my problem, isn’t it?” I snap.

Mom’s face shows signs of sheer anger now. The full impact of it. “You. Are. Not. Going,” she says slowly and deliberately, as if I was mentally handicapped. “Even if it takes me to bar your door. You’re going to call Heidi back and tell her that. And you’re going to take some time to think about what you said earlier, young lady.”

She gets up then, smoothens her shorts (although there was nothing to smooth, really) and stalks out of the room. I nearly slam the door shut, but I thankfully still have the good sense to know I would be getting a good load of scolding if I did that, so I didn’t. As the door swung shut, I throw my full weight onto it and click the lock in solid anger.

Help me. I mean, I am so mad right now I just grab an armful of pillows and throw them forcefully against the wall. I glance down at myself in the mirror. I look like a mess, seriously. My jacket is halfway dangling from my shoulder, exposing my bare skin. My lips are cracked and some of my mascara have smudge. Oh. And I hadn’t realised I’d been crying. Oh… the humiliation.

I am a serious wreck. And I didn’t care. For now, I hated everything. Except… I HAD to go to the party. I am seriously going to get busted, but that didn’t matter. I had to be sure I was still loved ‒ and not feeling so devastated and alone. I would drink ‒ be happy, why not? Have a hang-over. That was what all the movie stars did anyway, didn’t they?

I dial Heidi's number. She picks it up after three rings.

"Hey, Meg," she says. "Wassup, girlfriend?"

I decide not to tell Heidi what happened. Heidi happens to be a very practical and mature (but still that doesn't mean she doesn't have fun) girl. If I did, she might straight away try to cancel the trip or maybe even tell my mother what I was up to, if she thought I was behaving immaturely.

So I say, "Can we go to the party later, maybe? I have a couple things to finish first, especially our English assignment on 'statues'. Please?" I try to sound convincing.

She sighs. "Like what time?"

I hesitate, wondering by what time my mother would leave the house. "Er, 10 o'clock or something," I suggest, although it sounds more like a question.

There is a slight pause. "Fine, whatever. See you later."

"Bye."

The phone clicks off. I smile slyly at it in my hand. Perfect'o. See what Mom would think of that.

Although, there was a tiny buzzing in my head, telling me this was wrong. A strange feeling of dread I've gotten before when I'm undecided.

Quickly, I brush it off briskly and change out, waiting for my opportunity to come.

This is my life, after all. Not her's.



The party is absolutely FANTASTIC. I have never seen anything more wealthily luxurious than this. I'm quite sure Heidi feels the same way as she keeps running her fingers through her absolutely luscious hair and tugging at her sparkly-sequined dress that just about reaches the bare edge of her thighs. She looks so beautiful I just about glow green with utmost envy.

Basically, I am supposed to look after Sara, but after Mom left, I quickly put her to bed and left, telling her I needed to go somewhere and please, PLEASE call me if anything happens.

Heidi's insane driving had gotten us here in twenty minutes.

Melissa is there to greet us at the hallway. Tonight, I agree for once she looks utterly stunning. She's clad in a ruffled feather dress that seems to release red energy under those spotlights and disco lights. And also I have to admit she doesn't even look like her. Her make-up's perfect (wonder who did it for her?? I had to get one for myself!!) and her black hair seems to pour over her shoulders.

"Hey Melissa," Heidi seizes the opportunity to speak to her, trying to divert Mel's attention from my staring. "Lovely party you seem to have here." In other words: Do your parents even KNOW 'bout it??

Whether Mel gets the double meaning or not, she shows not sign of it. Instead she says, "You like it?" Her expression of delight seems a little forced. Must be because she feels so embarrassed standing next to friendly but unpopular, and not to mention, little boring girls who don't even carry a Gucci purse, for Goodness's sake.

"Of course," Heidi tells her, a smile plastered over her face. "Especially the music. You have a DJ, I suppose?"

Mel just laughs. "Duh," she says. Just then, a boy I'd never seen before comes to her and snaggs her around the waist.

"Where have ya been, darlin'? I've been lookin' for ya everywhere!" he cries out loud in pretended hurt. I can see his features are clean and handsome, but they also betray signs of his being drunk right now. But Mel just laughs.

I turn to look at Heidi, but she is already saying: "Ok, I guess we'll see you later then, Melissa." She tucks an arm through mine and pulls me through the crowd, her dark red lipstick sparkling under the lights.

"She looks delicious," I hear a couple of girls commenting on Mel's outlook as we pass them.

I twist around to see Mel clinging onto the boy disgustingly so.

"Eew," I say to Heidi. "They look like this is the last moment they have together before tragedy tears them apart."

She doesn't say anything to that. I stumble along, trying to follow her. Shoulders bump against us and sharp needle-like heels cut through my feet. The music pounds in my ears, like a rhythm of a heartbeat, and Ryan Tedder's voice booming throughout the room: Stop and Stare. You start to wonder why you're here not there...

We pass the buffet table that has been cattered specially for Mel's party. I suddenly realise my stomach is growling hungrily so I tell Heidi, "I need to eat."

She looks at me for a moment, then shrugs. "All right. C'mon."

We pluck out paper plates from the table and plastic forks and spoons, then go on choosing some food. I scoop some mushroom and vege on my plate, then some chicken dumplings. Just as I reach for the next tray, something hits me hard on the shoulder and I stumble.

This results on me spilling food on another person and something cold running through my shirt. I gasp just as I slip, but luckily someone catches me and helps me up, whoever it was.

"Bitch," someone cries. "It was my new dress!!"

I whirl around and see a large gravy stain on the girl's dress, rights smack in the middle of her chest. "C'mon, Alysa!" she orders, and someone else moves through the crowd, locking arms with her and giving me a cold hard glare.

I stare down at her in surprise. She's already stalked off to probably the washroom before I get the chance to apologize. My cheeks are on fire and I'm dying of humiliation. As I look around, I feel slightly relieved (mind you, slightly!) to find hardly anyone staring at me, and even more that Michael had not seen me. Oh, by the way, I hadn't seen him at all since that evening. A shudder creeps up my spine and suddenly I realise how cold I am. I glance down at myself. During my (embarrassing) fall, apparently, someone had spilled their whatever on me. Thankfully, it wasn't food; and lucky for them I wasn't like the other girl with Alysa who'd sweared at other people by just a silly, unintentional mistake.

And for some reason, I don't feel particularly sorry for the girl. In fact, I think she deserves it, for being such a jerk to other people.

"You'll need to go to the washroom," Heidi tells me. "C'mon."

I want to protest, I mean c'mon, I really want to enjoy the party. But Heidi is already pulling me to a nearby gang of girls and boys standing by a corner drinking as well as smoking. But part of the reason otherwise was that probably only me can bare the sight of my shirt-stained outfit without bursting into laughter.

"What are you doing?" I hiss at her.

She doesn't answer me, just continues to drag me along. I try to make sure I don't stumble or trip anywhere, with Heidi moving almost like a cheetah, the speed in which she walks.

"Excuse me," she says as we reach them.

One of the girls turns around. She looks pretty familiar, then it suddenly hit me. She's Tan Ya, one of the new exhange students who happens to be the most beautiful thing on Earth. The one who had every boy drooling after her and her own sex glaring at her.

"Um, hi," I say to them automatically, even though this isn't my idea at all -- the same time Heidi says, "Do you know where the washroom is?"

Tan Ya stares at us like we're crazy, then finally points to the right and says, "There, I think." Then adds, her brow furrowing slightly as she does so: "Hey, you're Heidi Lee, aren't you?"

Heidi's eyes bulges slightly. I noticed the entire group is now staring at us. I tugged at my pants, feeling slightly self-conscious to find several pairs of eyes studying the both of us, and not to mention the ugly blotch of stain on my clothes. "Um, yeah," she replies. Apparently, no one has ever tried that before.

"Wow, really? You're the top student in school, aren't you? I've been dying to meet you!"

I glance at Heidi impatiently, tugging at her arm. She holds out the 'wait a moment please' sign. I roll my eyes and comply.

"Yeah, I am," she admits.

"W-ow! A friend of mine, er, Yee Lynn mentioned about you, and ever since-"

I can't wait any longer. The cold is seeping through my skin, so I say, "Heidi, I'm going to the washroom first, ok?"

She blinks at me for a moment, blankness washing over her features, before she nods, then says, "Hey, you sure?"

"Very," I tell her, then follow the direction of the washroom. I push open the white door and peep inside. There is a group of girls from school - older than me probably - applying make-up inside. Wow, Mel's toilet looks like... it's worth a billion dollars.

"Preeya, did you know Lizzy's dating Max?"

"Hey, how do I look?"

And bla bla bla. I step around them and tried to clear my head. Well, it still comes back to me. Lizzy dating Max? Wow! I mean, I know she's been hitting on him for a couple of weeks...but now!!

I find myself saying, "Really? Lizzy and Max? Are you serious?" Huge mistake. Of course, I'm always naive.

They stare at me like I was nuts, then say in hush whispers, but loud enough for me to hear: "C'mon, let's get outta here." They hurry out the door, occassionally peeping at me like I was a pyscho on the lose who is stalking them, or at least that is what I saw (as was visibly shown) before they scury out the door.

I sigh and quickly switched on the tap. Plucking out a tissue from one of those machines, I wet it and start dabbing the liquid off my shirt. What a waste for it. I was, as always, curious, so you can imagine why I needed to lift the tissue up to my face and sniff. The smell hit me at once. Yick. Alchohol.

After cleaning the shirt and every bit of smell, I neatly arranged my spikes. Heidi still hadn't arrived, and suddenly, I feel a pang of jealousy. She must still be with those kids. She ditched me for those kids! I glance at my watch, and the time said 11.35 p.m. I'd spent practically 20 minutes in a washroom cleaning myself while Michael could be making out with someone already!

Finally, I kick myself out of there. Just as I opened the door, my phone rings. Without bothering to check the caller ID, I press the answer button. Uh-oh. Wrong one. It was Dad.

"Meg! Where are you?" he practically screams into my ear.

I cringe from the sound of it. I consider hanging up, but my Dad never scolds me. He is the kind of man who hardly loses his temper and even if he did, I didn't feel a single nerve in my body scream in fear. So I decide to speak to him, then. I'd bet he was still overseas in Vietnam right now. Anyway, Dad was always good and comforting Mom and calming her down so I could probably use him to tell her to do that. He would, anyway, without a doubt, and probably lessen my punishment, too. So I decide to answer: "Melissa's" but hesitantly.

Dad knows Melissa. That's because Melissa's dad is like, his boss's boss's boss. They know each other quite well, too.

"What?" he screeches, than adds, more calmly, "You probably want to call your Mom right now. She's absolutely terrified now, she thinks you might be kidnapped coz you were gone and you didn't pick up the phone when she called. She phoned me then up in absolute hysterics; it took me almost ten minutes to calm her down. She's on the verge of calling the police, you know, honey."

I groan. Of course this would happen. I wonder how Mom had found out I was gone. Sara? "And," he interrupts my thoughts, "I want you home NOW. You have school tomorrow, don't you?"

"Dad..." I start to protest, but he cuts me off.

"Please, Meg." He just sounds tired right now. "Don't do this. I'll be home soon, and I'd really like to see you."

I can't help but soften. He's been away for a month now, and I miss him terribly. He was the best father in the world, and I ached to see him soon. Maybe that was why. And I hate my Mom worrying about me too. And Sara, of course. I loved them so much. Besides, it was almost 12 midnight. Perhaps if I listen, too, they might allow me to go for another party next time. And maybe because I dread hanging out with Heidi and the rest of them. Heidi seems to get along with everybody else while I was just so... anti-social with people I didn't know."Fine," I say. He's so good at this, making me feel guilty, that is. Sigh. "Bye dad. See you soon."

"Good night, honey."

The phone clicks shut and I stepped out the toilet to find Heidi. I finally see her along with the rest of the group I'd last seen. To my surprise, she almost seemed to be flirting with one of the boys.

"Heidi," I say. "I need to go home."

She glances at me and blinks. "Oh, c'mon," she whines. "Not SO soon. Please, honey, I'm having so much fu-uun." That's probably the longest fun I've ever heard.

I shook my head impatiently. "Heidi..."

She looked desperately at me. "Look, just five more minutes, ok?"

I sigh. "Fine."

Meanwhile, one of those girls comes to stand beside me. "Hey," she says casually.

"Hello," I reply.

"I'm Drea," she tells me. "You?"

"Margaret - Meg for short."

She smiles lazily. "Who did you come with?"

Just as I am going to answer, Michael comes up. "Meg, hey! Is that you?"

I turn around, heart beating quickly. I feel so embarrassed to be caught stained-clothed. "Hey, Michael." I notice he's with a couple of his buddies. One of them includes my friend, George. "Hi," I greet him and he waves back.

"Enjoying yourself?" Michael asks casually.

I glance at him and feel myself being pulled into his dark-eyed, intense gaze again. "Um, yeah, I guess."

"Where's Heidi? I'm surprised to see you not together."

I shrug and jab a finger over my shoulder. "Over there," I reply briefly and point in the other direction. She didn't see him.

"Ditched you for other friends? What did you do to her, now?" he asks teasingly.

Surprisingly, this upsets me. "I don't know," I tell him defensively.

He shrugs, both hands up in a surrender sort-of way. "Hey, sorry," he apologizes. "I didn't mean it, Meg, honest."

Another guy adds, "Yeah, sure you didn't" sarcastically.

"Hey, bud!" another says. "C'mon! Let's hit Adriana and the other girls!"

"Did you see how she looks tonight?"

Michael turnes to me, expression apologetic. "Well, I guess I gotta go," he said. "I would invite you to join us, but what they plan on doing tonight - I don't really think it'd be..." He pauses as he searched for the right word, "appropriate. Those guys have decided tonight is the night they lose their virginity. Anyhow, it was really nice seeing you here tonight. You look pretty good, for the record. I'm sure the all the guys around this room will be falling for Miss Cinderella tonight."

My stomach made sick turns as the first few words sink in (I had not paid any much attention to the rest after I heard that), but I just say, "Thanks" a bit too rubberly for my comfort.

A few moments after he leaves, Heidi is beside me, saying, "C'mon, let's go."

We reach the car where Heidi had left it. Heidi, if I hadn't mentioned, is fifteen years old just like me, and doesn't have a license, but since she and her eighteen year old sister Hannah, look so similar, had used Hannah's driving license. Her older brother Dan had taught her how to drive.

I slip in the passenger seat while she enters the driver's side. She revves the engine and voila! We were taking off. I reach for the seatbelt as usual, then remember I can't buckle myself because it is spoilt. Did I mention that one of the front car lights is also spoil? Anyway. We didn't speak until we almost reached my house. We were wrapped in our own private thoughts.

"Enjoyed yourself?" I ask as we reach the traffic light.

"Pretty much," she replies. "Where were you, btw? I waited, like, ages for you!"

"The washroom! I told you I was going there!"

She shakes her head just as the traffic light turned green. She is driving even faster, crazy woman . Over 140 km/h, I notice on the speedo-metre. I can't understand how she can drive so fast without even an accident. "No, you didn't. You just ditched me or something!"

"Of course I didn't! You just started hanging out with those people -- like you actually know them or something--"

"I was getting to! What's wrong with that now, Meg? Just because we're best friends doesn't mean we can hang out with other people? What's your problem, anyway?"

"I don't! Why do you always have to be so paranoid?"

"Don't say that like you even know anything!" Heidi snaps irretably. "You're so--"

She is cut off stopped suddenly, just like that, when a glaringly bright light suddenly lights up the world in front of us, whatever lies ahead of our path. It spills accross the entire car, the force so bright I am blinded for a second. I close my eyes, the light still flashing beyond, when there is an earsplitting shattering of glass and I can feel the entire car being hauled backwards - Heidi screaming and swearing, trying to fling herself against the car door to get out. I can't understand a thing - my mind not functioning properly - when I feel needle-sharp points shoot through every inch of my skin and I am thrown forward.

Then I am falling into darkness. And I know. I just do.

Ever wondered where you go after you die?

I don't need to, anyway. I'm already gone, too far front to change my past. All because I didn't listen to the one single thing my mother told me to do.



THE END



WC: 5023 words