The Shack and the Beanstalk

Disclaimer: Some of the events in this story are borrowed from fairy tales; namely, Jack and the Beanstalk and Little Red Riding Hood. However, since the writers of these fables have long since passed away, I assure you that I have not broken any copyright laws. ;) Enjoy!

Once upon a time a poor widow had an only daughter named Keira, and a cow named Milky-White. All they had to live on was the milk the cow gave every morning, which they carried to the market and sold. But one morning Milky-White gave no milk, and Keira's mother urged her to sell it.

So Keira took the cow's halter in her hand, and off she started. She hadn't gone far when she met a funny-looking old man, who said to her, "Good morning, Keira."

"Good morning to you," said Keira, and wondered how she knew her name.

"Well, Keira, and where are you off to?" said the man.

"I'm going to market to sell our cow there."

"Oh, you look the proper sort of chap to sell cows," said the man. "I wonder if you know how many beans make five."

"Two in each hand and one in your mouth," replied Keira, as sharp as a needle.

"Right you are," says the man, "and here they are, the very beans themselves," he went on, pulling out of his pocket a number of strange-looking beans. "As you are so sharp," said he, "I don't mind doing a swap with you -- your cow for these beans."

"Oh, sure," said Keira. "Wouldn't you like that?"

"Ah! You don't know what these beans are," said the man. "If you plant them overnight, by morning they grow right up to the sky."

"Really?" said Keira. "You don't say so."

"Yes, actually I do. And if it doesn't turn out to be true you can have your cow back."

"Right," says Keira, and hands him over Milky-White's halter and pockets the beans.

Back goes Keira home, and as she hadn't gone very far it wasn't dusk by the time she got to her door.

"Back already, Keira?" said her mother. "I see you haven't got Milky-White, so you've sold her. How much did you get for her?"

"You'll never guess, mother," says Keira.

"No, you don't say so. Good boy! Five pounds? Ten? Fifteen? No, it can't be twenty."

"I told you you couldn't guess. What do you say to these beans? They're magical. Plant them overnight and -- "

"What!" says Keira's mother. "Have you been such a fool, such a dolt, such an idiot, as to give away my Milky-White, the best milker in the parish, and prime beef to boot, for a set of paltry beans? Take that! Take that! Take that! And as for your precious beans shere they go out of the window. And now off with you to bed. Not a sup shall you drink, and not a bit shall you swallow this very night."

Keira fumed as she sat on her bed. She'd show her. Tomorrow those beans would have grown so tall that she could climb to the sky! And then she'd see what her mother had to say for herself. Just think of the tourist revenues they would make! They could charge a dollar for people to see it and make a fortune...

The next day dawned bright and early, as the sun shone merrily on the beanstalk, which had, sure enough, reached the clouds. Keira could just reach it from her window. Grabbing the stalk, she heaved herself upwards and began to climb. Soon, she saw a castle looming in the distance. She wanted to sneak in but a giant woman stood guard. "What do you want? she asked. "My husband will soon be back, and he's not very friendly to children, you know."

Keira's stomach growled." Please, could I just have some breakfast? I didn't get to eat dinner yesterday," Keira said. The giant, being a kind woman at heart, sat Keira down and gave her some eggs and toast. Keira had just started her breakfast when...

Thump! Thump! THUMP!

The table shook and the eggs fell off Keira's plate.

" Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman " the ogre growled.

"I'm not a man," Keira piped up cheerfully. The ogre was surprised.

"Oh ho! A brave little girl we have here. Listen, child, I'll spare you because I admire your pluck. But you better run off. My brother Rufus had some trouble with a boy named Jack...stupid kids. Stealing the family hen! I've never been so ashamed! Of course, Jack killed Rufus as well, but...oh, the hen!"

"I don't see what's so special about a hen," Keira put in.

"Why, it laid golden eggs, of course. Haven't you ever heard the story?

"What story?"

"Oh, never mind...Say, could you do me a favor? Deliver these cookies to my grandma, please. She lives just over the forest that way. And watch out for wolves!"

Keira accepted the basket and an extra cookie from the ogre. Skipping down the path, she had traveled deep into the forest when she came upon a large, smelly gray object with scary-looking teeth.

...

It was a weirdly patterned sock. But next to the sock, was a wolf.

"Why hello, Wolf," Keira said, not because she had forgotten the ogre's warning, but simply because she chose to disregard them. Keira did what she felt like doing.

"Hello," the wolf replied. He grinned, showing his sharp front teeth.

"Why, Wolf, your teeth are so big," Keira said.

"Hey, that's later in the story," the wolf complained. Keira shrugged.

"Huh?"

The wolf sighed. "Well, what a charming young lady you are. Are you delivering those delicious smelling cookies to your grandma?"

"Why, Wolf, you'll turn my head with all those silly compliments...the cookies are for the ogre's grandmother. Want one?"

"Sure do!" The wolf licked his lips. "Ever since I've become a vegetarian, I hardly ever get anything tasty to eat."

"Wow...a vegetarian wolf? Very admirable," Keira commended, handing the wolf some cookies.

"Why thank you." They munched on the cookies for a while.

"Wait. Who did you say the cookies were for?"

"The ogre's grandma, why?"

The wolf gulped."She always gets the same number of cookies from her son, you know. She becomes very angry she gets less...I've seen a number of visitors come in, but few of them come out, if you get my meaning."

Keira frowned. "Ah, well. I'll figure out a plan," she said.

" Would you like me to show you the way to his grandmother's? Vicious old thing though. You really wouldn't want to see her in a bad mood."

"You're too kind," Keira said, and they skipped off together.

Knock, knock. The wolf by her side, Keira knocked on the door of the ogress's run-down shack, marveling at how poorly the ogre took care of his mother. No wonder she was so cross.

"Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of--"

"I've heard that one already," Keira said, sailing in past the ogress. She was a sight to behold. Very ugly. But I won't gross you out with the details.

"Grandma! How charming you look today!" The wolf said, grinning.

"Indeed? Well, I did get my scales done the other day..."

"Oh, yes, Grandma, you look magnificent. Very scary, and just fantastic," Keira said, catching on.

The ogress blushed, and spying the basket, asked, "Are those cookies you have for me in there?"

"Yup! Here, take them, and we'll be going now," Keira said. She put them on the table and practically flew out of the room before the ogress knew what was happening.

Keira and the wolf went back to the ogre's house to finish off her breakfast. As they sat there, she spied a golden hen, and well, you know the rest...

THE END