Over My Dead Body

Finally I got to meet this Lorraine tramp. Ever since Todd was teamed up with her at the advertising agency, he’s forgotten me completely. It’s been Lorraine this and Lorraine that. Landing this major account with Miss Wonderful sure has made him a stranger around here. Shoot, I wasn’t born yesterday; I know why she hasn’t shown her face until now. Part of her master plan to make him fall in love with her, no doubt.

Thank goodness their job is finished. I was so relieved, I didn’t even mind when Todd asked if he could invite Lorraine over for a quiet celebration dinner. He said home cooking would be a welcomed change from all those posh restaurants where he and Lorraine HAD to dine. Todd almost had me going until he asked if I would make Quiche Lorraine and salad. Boy was I hot! This used to be a meat and potato man. She sure has gotten to him.

“But, I LOVE Quiche Lorraine,” Todd had insisted. “Ever since Lorraine made me try it.”

Made him try it! Those words raised another red flag. Is it Quiche Lorraine Todd loves or Lorraine herself?

Dinner smells luscious. I have to admit, I’m a great cook. I bet Lorraine can’t even boil water. She’s probably spent all her time sleeping her way up the corporate ladder. Todd’s just her latest victim, I’m sure.

Seven o’clock. They’ll be here in a minute. I glance in the hall mirror to get one last look. Not bad for someone who’s worked night and day putting Todd through six years of college. And for what? To have him fall head over heels with his business partner. I don’t give up that easily. Tonight I’ll show him the difference between a snobby career girl and a real woman.

I place the center piece of fresh flowers on a table as Todd and Lorraine come walking through the door. At first glance, I know I hate her. About twenty pounds lighter than I am, I suddenly don’t feel as pretty as I did earlier. She has one of those artificial smiles that can fool most people – but not me. Forcing my own smile, we exchange pleasantries.

Lorraine steps into the kitchen. “Quiche, my absolute favorite. Miranda, you’re a doll,” she says to me.

“Todd insisted,” I tell her before turning my head to hide my disgust.

“Oh, Todd’s so silly,” giggles Lorraine. “He calls me Quiche Lorraine all the time.”

Well, well, how cute. I wish Todd would wipe that stupid grin off his face.

“This is Spinach Quiche,” I tell her sweetly. “There’s a difference.” Even this gives me a little satisfaction.

“So I understand your assignment is over,” I say to Lorraine. “All those long hours have paid off. I bet staying home will be a nice change of pace.”

“Miranda, didn’t Todd tell you? We did such a great job landing this account that we’ve been assigned to work on another tough project. I’ll be borrowing him for the next couple of months."

I feel the surge of lightning run through my body. I respond with a “that’s wonderful”, but I’m about to explode. I need him around this house. Does he think I have maid and cook stamped on my forehead? My mind is racing. Borrow him for a couple of months. I’ll see to it that she doesn’t get two days.

After dinner, Lorraine insists on washing the dishes while Todd and I relax in the living room. Todd is so impressed. Big deal, we're talking three plates and three bowls. A few minutes later she joins us. I wish she’d quit being so damn nice, it’s a joke. I can see right through that heavy make-up and those capped teeth.

Todd suggests wine. “I’ll be glad to fix the drinks,” I offer. I’ll do anything to get a break from Miss Wonderful.

I open the cabinet and reach for the glasses. On the top shelf I notice the heart medicine left over from before Dad died. A heavy dosage, the doctor has warned. An overdose could be lethal.

I pour three glasses of wine and place them on a serving tray. Something makes me reach for the heart medicine. I open five capsules and dump them into one of the drinks. I gotta do it for Todd and me.

I enter the living room, paying close attention to which glass is Lorraine’s. I smile kindly and place the tray on the table. I pick up my drink and take a sip. I hand Todd his drink, leaving the tainted drink for Lorraine.

“I might as well go get the bottle,” I announce. Suddenly I feel like celebrating too. While in the kitchen, I hear the sound of a glass turning over. Clumsy Lorraine. She’s probably stained my carpet having a cardiac arrest.

Todd walks up behind me. “Sorry, Lorraine spilled your drink. I’ll make another.” I let him while I grab a towel. Darn, she’s not dead yet.

Back in the living room, we toast Todd and Lorraine’s business success. I sip my drink while I listen to their shop talk. Suddenly I feel strange. My heart is pounding and my vision is blurred. I can hardly breathe. I grab my sweaty chest to try and stop the overwhelming pain.

“Miranda,” screams Lorraine. I can feel her frantically patting my cheeks. “Todd, she’s having a heart attack!”

Todd’s looking at me in horror. He’s leaning over me and I feel tears hitting my face.
“Oh, God. Please be alright,” he cries. “I love you. Please don’t die!”

I struggle to speak. “Todd,” I say. “You gave her drink to me, didn’t you?”

He looks confused. “Well… yeah, Lorraine spilled yours so we gave you hers.”

I close my eyes. It never pays to be an overbearing Mother.