me and him

it's not like i don't have a father
because everyone does
it's just that mine is not with me
we don't live in the same house
we're not sharing the same dinner table
he doesn't send me to school everyday
he don't give me presents during my birthdays
he's just...
..not here

i grew up without him
i wish i could ask GOD
why?
but it's not like i don't know the answer
because everything happens for a reason
more than just a cliche, it's true

i can scream to the sky
and demand GOD for an explanation
why the person who's supposed to be my hero is not here with me
but i chose not to
because it's my fate
and there is nothing i can do to change it
it's either i crawl into a hole and ponder about it endlessly
or i take it as it is and move on with life

i chose to move on with life
because i know
that i may not be able to change my fate
but i can alter my destiny
it is still in my hands

i grew up not knowing him
i don't have any kind of memory of what he looks like
all i have is a passport sized picture of him
that i now display on my study table with the pictures of my family
we don't have a picture together
and i regret that during those old times
cameras were very limited

without any memory of him
i can't judge him
i can't say what i like and what i don't really adore about him
i grew up learning about him through my mother
she tells stories about him every once and a while
and keeps me in touch with what i missed
he loves football
he plays-
-he played with the neighbours all the time
he loved it so much that
the last thing he did before he left forever
was play football
my mother kept the clothes that he wore on that unfateful day
she didn't tell
but i know
if he's here today
we'd be watching football together

if
'if' is a very strong word
'if' is a wish
a wish that will never come true for me

if he's with me
he would have beat the crap out of my brother for skipping school
he would go to my school's open day and tell me that he's proud of me
he would change the channel when i'm watching american idol
because he wants to watch a football match

i don't know for sure
and i will never know for sure
because that's not the path that GOD has arranged for me

it's not like i don't have a father
because everyone does
it's just that mine is not with me
we don't live in the same house
we're not sharing the same dinner table
he doesn't send me to school everyday
he don't give me presents during my birthdays
he's just...
..not here
but he's somewhere close to eternity
and i have my prayers with him
and every tear that i cried whenever i think about him
is a special tear that i will only cry for him
no emotion is similar to the emotion from a daughter
to a father
a father that she barely knew

to all dads-
-and daughters...