It's a Weird World - Part 1

Dan watched the cars sped by as he waited for that little man to turn green. He stuck a cigarette into his mouth, brought up his lighter, and flicked the switch. No fire came. Flick, nothing. Typical, he thought, exactly in tune as to how his day was going. Flick, nothing. The surpassingly cold weather bit into his cheeks. This wasn’t how summer was supposed to be.

Flick, nothing. About two weeks ago, his girlfriend dumped him. They were done well before that, but it still hurt. Flick, nothing. Then, about three days later, he got fired from his job. Sure, it wasn’t a fancy, or even well-paying job ... but it was money. This was the reason he was out there, right now. Trying to find some work. But no one was hiring it seemed.

Damn economy. Flick, nothing. As if all that wasn’t enough, two days ago his car got impounded. So now he had to walk. In this unnatural summer cold. Flick, nothing. Flick ... finally the old lighter worked and flames engulfed his cigarette. At the same time the light changed to green. Dan took a drag, then removed the cigarette from his mouth and started walking, along with the other people.

He wasn’t really aware of his steps, they were just steps. One foot moving in front of the other. So naturally he was surprised, when in the middle of the crosswalk, his foot found nothing. No street. Not even the sewers below the street. Dan’s eyes just had time to widen right before the street swallowed him.

The fall wasn’t high. It seemed to be almost instantaneous. Dan landed face down on a dirt road. Quickly, he turned on his back and looked up. There was nothing but a blue sky, and a couple of birds circling. Dan’s eyebrows furrowed. Blue sky? The one in the city had been filled with clouds.

He quietly got up, pocketed his lighter – his cigarette was gone – and dusted himself off. This was certainly strange. Dan looked around, shielding his eyes from the sun. Yes, sun. Hot sun. A big difference from the cold in the city. All he could see were rolling hills. Luscious, flowery and green. Where the hell was he?

“Sir, you’re standing on the road. If I were I would move.” Dan swiveled around at the sound of the voice. When he found the source, all he could do was blink furiously and stare. “Why are you looking at me like that? Just move. Can’t you hear it? It’s a bad idea to be in their way.”

“Can’t I hear what ... what ARE you?” The creature before him – no, correction, creatures before him, there were two – looked ... like something out of a fantasy novel. Dan had never been a big fan of such things, but he believed the resembled ... goblins? Was that the word? Anyway, they were small, barely reached up to his knee, and had dark green skin. Their faces were wrinkly, quite frankly not very attractive, and the ears were pointed and long.

The creature gave him a disapproving glance. “I do believe I don’t like that question.” It looked to the other one. “Humans truly are ignorant creatures, aren’t they?”

“Now, now, dear, be nice.” Dear? Dan’s eyes opened even wider. They both had the gruffest of voices, and neither had so much as a feminine – or a male, for that matter – trait about them. They were both wearing uniform brown robes. “I believe he's a dropper. Notice his strange clothes.”

They way they were looking at him, his brown jacket, jeans and T-shirt was making Dan uncomfortable. Like he was a particularly interesting animal in a zoo. “Dropper, what the hell is a dropper?” He stroked his hand over the nearly-shaven stubble of hair on his head.

They didn't reply, instead they turned their heads towards the left. Where the road went forward (or backwards, Dan had no idea). Now, all of a sudden, he thought he heard something. Durum – durum – durum … what was that? It reminded him of something. One of the creatures eyed him. “Jump or die.” Then both of them hurried out of the road.

Dan wasn't sure he understood … until he remembered. “Oh shit.” The horses appeared at full gallop, just as Dan jumped out of the way into the grass by the side of the road. Not a moment to soon. A few seconds later and he’d have been a thoroughly trampled corpse.

As they passed, there was a moment when it was as if everything slowed down. He could see the riders of the horses. Three of them, on two horses. Two were encased in crimson armor. The other one … the other one had Dan’s full attention. It was a girl. Her dirty blonde hair flapped in the wind. For that one moment, their eyes met. Dan’s blue-grey and her pure yellow. Somehow he noticed details, such as that her ears were as pointed and as long as the green creatures, but more slender. Her face had a young, but beautiful quality about it. Dan’s heart lurched inside his chest.

Then she was gone, galloping forward. Dan followed her with his eyes, and for the first time he noticed a city in the distance, protected by high walls. That must be their destination, he thought. Suddenly he figured out where he was, and began laughing. Still laughing he stood up.

The green creatures approached, eyeing him warily. “Why are you laughing?”

Dan managed to stop himself, but still grinned. He went over to one of the green creatures, bent down, put his hand on it's shoulder and looked into it's brown eyes. The look of shock it gave him was priceless. “I realized it! Took me long enough.” When the creature gave him a clueless look, he said like it should be apparent to all, “It's a dream.” He raised himself up and stretched his arms, letting out a big groan of relief. “I must be safe in my bed, sleeping, making this sort of like vacation.” His smile dimmed. “Of course, I'll have to wake up sometime.” Dan turned to the green-skinned creatures. “But until then I intend to have the most fun I can.”

The creatures exchanged a look. Then one of them said stiffly, “Right, ha-ha, yes, of course. You …figured us dream people out … you, clever you.”

Dan’s eyes were dancing. “Oh, you can't fool me, because you are me.” He chuckled, then he turned his eyes towards the city. “So … if this is a dream, then I can have her.”

The creatures look puzzled. “Who?”

“The girl. On the horse. Surely you saw her.”

Both their eyes widened. “That's princess Ascernia, you can't possibly be …” one of them began, while the other one moved in front of Dan.

“Look, uhm … what's your name?”

“Dan, Dan Garlee.”

“Okay … Dan. I'm Karlos,” the creature pointed to the other one, “and that's my wife Yrsula.” Dan tried to find something to distinguish the two – pointless really, since this was a dream but … his mother had raised him not to be rude – and eventually found that Yrsula had a slightly smaller potato nose than Karlos did. That would have to do.

“Nice to meet you, Yrsula, Karlos.”

“Yes … yes … the thing is, you're right, of course, this is … your dream, and you can do whatever you want, but …” Karlos seemed deep in thought. “I thought we’d … provide you with a guide. Of sorts. Through this … dream. Which it is.” He nodded furiously. “We would offer ourselves, but our employers are wizards who will have our hide if we don't deliver the right amount of spell ingredients before sundown. You see, the wizards can't go out in sunlight and …”

“Wizards who can't go out in sunlight?” Dan beamed. “My imagination must be better than I thought.”

Karlos looked uncomfortable. “He-he. Yes.” Dan thought he heard him mutter something like, “If only they were a dream,” but he paid it no heed. His mind trying to trick him, no doubt. It obviously didn't know him very well. That sentence created all kinds of paradoxes inside his head, but he ignored them too. Karlos continued, “We know this woman, Ophelia, she'll be …” he glanced to his wife who nodded in confirmation, “Yes, she'll be able to help you navigate this dream.”

“Ophelia?” Dan felt puzzled. Why would there be someone named that in his dream? But he figured he might as well go with it. “Sure, okay, bring me to this … Ophelia person.”

Karlos nodded. “Follow us.” The two green creatures started walking after the road leading to the city.

For a few minutes, Dan enjoyed the scenery. Then his curiosity started up. “Say … what are you guys called? I mean, what do I call you, in this dream?”

Yrsula glanced back at him. “We're called settins.”

Settins? “And what about the girl … the one on the horse, what species is she?”

This time it was Karlos who answered. “She's an elf. Of course.”

Dan guessed he hadn't bothered with creative names for every species. “So what about this Ophelia, what's she?”

“You'll see,” Karlos said, and that was that. They took a turn off the main road, and onto another that was hardly more than a trail, leading up to a small cottage. They reached the grey brick house that to Dan looked cut out of a medieval movie. Understandable, since it was his own limited imagination at work after all.

Karlos knocked on the wooden door three times. He did it again when nothing happened, and was about to do it for the third time when the door swung open. A girl appeared, rubbing her eyes sleepily. She had violet colored eyes and dark hair with a purple sheen. Her ears were not pointed, but rather an odd cross between human and elf.

Her eyes first went to Karlos. “K. Hey. What are you doing here? You know I like to sleep in when dad's away.” Then she seemed to realize Dan was there. She blinked a few times in the onslaught of the sun. “Who are you?”

“He's a dropper,” Yrsula revealed.

Ophelia stared at Dan. “What? Another one? Can't the wizards just plug that hole already?”

Karlos stepped closer to Ophelia. “We'll go tell them as soon as they awake. They’ll return him immediately, we just need someone to watch him until them.”

“Ugh … why do I always get stuck with babysitting duty?” She looked Dan up and down. “I gotta say though, he's a little less … screaming than the last one.”

“Yeah …” Karlos lowered his voice into a whisper, but Dan wondered why he bothered, because standing as close as he was he could still hear every word. “He thinks it's all a dream.” Suddenly, without warning, a bad feeling started forming in Dan’s stomach. He tried his best to ignore it.

Ophelia nodded, and faced Dan. “Ah.” She sighed. “Okay … okay, I'll do it. Get back to your ingredients gathering. I know how impatient those employers of yours are.”

Yrsula nodded. “Thank you.” Both of them left. Dan watched them go, then he turned to Ophelia. He noticed she was wearing white pants and a pink sleeveless blouse.

She turned to him. “So … what do you want to do for your day in this dream world?”

Dan thought for a moment. “I think I’d like to see the city.”

“Sure. Let me just put some shoes on.” Ophelia did just that, then she closed the door and came outside. Without a word she then started walking towards the city. She didn't even look back to see if Dan was following.

“I'm Dan, by the way.”

Ophelia glanced at him with an uninterested expression. “Ok.”

They walked for a while in silence, a terrible suspicion forming in Dan’s head. It was impossible really. This had to be a … but he couldn't help but make sure. “Pinch me.”

Ophelia immediately stopped and turned to him. “What?”

“Pinch me.”

“Is this some strange … human thing?”

“Just do it.” Dan presented his arm to Ophelia.

“Why do you want to … ?”

“I want to test if this is a dream.”

“Oh.” A strange expression came over Ophelia’s face, which then formed into a vaguely sympathetic look. “I think it's better you don't. Better for your sanity.”

“Do it.” She sighed, then she pinched him on the back of his hand. “Ouch.” Dan snatched his hand back. Then he stared, first at Ophelia, then at where Karlos and Yrsula had disappeared behind a hill, and lastly at the city. There was a moment of pause as his eyes returned to Ophelia and widened to an impossible angle.

Then he screamed, turned and started running after a grassy hill in no particular direction. He didn't care where he was going. Just somewhere far far away. “Hey. Stop!” Ophelia’s voice just made him run faster. Dan glanced back. She was running too, and she was gaining on him. Damn smoker’s lungs, he thought.

It wasn't long until he felt her crash into him, and throw him to the ground. He was face-down but she forced him to turn around and held down his arms. She was surprisingly strong for a girl with such a slender figure. Her face was just above his. “Let me go!” Dan tried breaking free but to no avail.

“No! Not until we get a chance to talk.”

Realizing it was futile, Dan stopped struggling. Instead he looked up into her violet eyes. “It's real. It's all real, isn't it?”

Ophelia paused only for a moment. “Yes. It's real. But that's no reason to take off like that.”

“What? Have you … it's another world! There's no such thing as another world!”

She just looked at him incredulously. “Have you looked around? Of course there is.”

“I have to be … insane or something.”

Ophelia sighed, and got off him. She stood up, and offered him her hand. Dan regarded it for a moment, then he took it and let her help him up. “You’re not insane. It's all going to be okay. Come nightfall, the wizards will return you back to your world.”

Dan grimaced and shook his head. “But … I …”

“Have you got any choice but to accept things, and go along with them?”

“No … I guess not.”

“Good. Then maybe you can stop being hysterical, and realize you’ve got a day in a whole new world.”

Dan looked up at her. “You're right.” He smiled briefly. “You're right. I got a day here. If I don't get back come nightfall … well, I'll worry about that later.” He nodded. “I've got a day.”

“So … the city?”

“The city.”

Ophelia nodded, and the two of them started back on the journey towards the large walled off collection of houses in the distance. On the way Dan thought he should have known it was real. What he usually dreamed about – bars, work, a trip to Hawaii … – was nothing like this. An elaborate fantasy construct. His imagination just didn't work like that.

They entered through the wide-open city gate, and immediately Dan felt more out of place than an clown among teddy bears. Everyone around him seemed to be either elf or settin. And many of them gave him a stare that did not convey good will. Apparently Ophelia noticed. “Don't worry about it. Humans in this world have a … not so good reputation. I'm sure that where you came from you treat your environment and neighbors better.”

Dan couldn’t help but cough a few times. “Yeah. Yeah. Of course we do.” Another thing he noticed was that Ophelia was unusually tall among the elfs. Most elfs reached no higher than his shoulders, while Dan was only half-a-head taller than Ophelia. Keeping that in mind, the slightly lower doorways and houses – almost all of them made of wood – made more sense.

Once he’d gotten used to the stares and the fact that he seemed to be the only human around, he began to see that these races weren’t so different from his own. Children ran around – settin kids were so tiny it was adorable – and got scolded by their parents. Both settins and elfs bought and sold in the bazaars, haggling insistently and loudly over price.

It was all so ... normal.

That was when he heard the bell sound. A settin walked among the crowd ringing a small golden bell. “Princess Ascernia calls all citizens of Laboa! Princess Ascernia calls all citizens of Laboa! She will give an address on the town square in five minutes! Says she got dire news! Says she got dire news!” The settin started the chant again in a typical town crier voice. Another – an elf – soon joined in a few streets away.

Dan turned to Ophelia. “What’s this about?”

Ophelia shook her head, looking just as puzzled as he. “I don’t know. Something must have happened. Let’s go find out.” Dan followed her and a good-sized portion of the market crowd towards the center of the city. When they reached it, he saw the girl from before – on the back of the horse – standing on an elevated wooden square. By her stood the two crimson armored riders, with hands on their swords and looking battle-ready. The princess herself held her head high, and regarded the crowd with an air of confidence. She didn’t wear a crown but the green dress with a silver leaf pattern put her apart from the commoners.

They had to wait a few minutes, but then one of the soldiers leaned to the princess and whispered something. Dan imagined it was something like, “It’s time.”

The princess nodded, drew breath, and said, “Welcome, people of Laboa. I come before you today, with the most grave of news. The palace – my palace – has been attacked.” Shocked whispers carried through the crowd. “By the kelthos.” Now Dan could hear the whispers turn fearful.

“It gets worse! They have taken my fiancé – prince Tiadoras – and are holding him captive! I come before you today ... because I need your help. We have to rescue him!” Now the crowd’s murmurs took on a mixed tone that Dan wasn’t quite able to discern. Already he could see a few of the crowd leaving.

Ophelia leaned over to Dan. “Tiadoras is not well liked around here. He’s human, and many oppose this marriage. I assume that’s why the palace was attacked.”

Someone from the crowd shouted, “Why are you asking us!? We are not warriors! Talk to your father, he’ll send his army!” Shouts of “Yeah,” and murmured approval followed.

“I can’t, there isn't time!. Tiadoras sent me a message. Tonight, if we do nothing, they will eat him!” The princess’s expression turned pleading. “Please. Help me.” Over half of the crowd was being siphoned away into neighboring streets. Everywhere Dan could hear, “Good riddance,” and, “Never liked him anyway.”

Ophelia shrugged. “Can’t say I blame them. Tiadoras is the worst kind of human. Come on, you don’t want to get involved in this.”

Dan held his hand up, stopping her. “No, just ... let me stay for a moment.” The look on Ascernia’s face, it was a hard thing to ignore.

Now another voice sounded from the crowd, this one having a hopeful tone, “The rest of the crimson guard will help, right?”

This time one of the soldiers spoke, with a feminine voice. “We are the rest of the crimson guard.” She did not sound too happy about her princess at the moment. Ascernia glared at her. The warrior immediately bowed. “I’m sorry for speaking out of turn, my lady.”

More and more of the crowd were leaving.

The princess turned to what was left. “It’s true. We don’t have any soldiers left. But that doesn’t mean we’ll fail! With your strength ... beside me ... we can ...” Her voice faltered. There wasn’t a lot of people left. And more were on their way out. “We can win!” she shouted. “Together!” But it was of no use.

Ophelia grabbed Dan’s arm, and hissed, “Come on, we have to go!”

Dan ripped his arm from her, and stayed rooted the spot, his eyes not straying from the princess. Soon only four people were left in front of the square. A settin, a young male elf, Dan, and Ophelia. Ophelia rolled her eyes. “Oh, you’re – no, we’re – in trouble in now.”

The princess paused for a moment, as if to see if they would stay. When they did, she walked gracefully down from the square. She stopped at the settin. “What’s your name?” Her voice was gentle.

The settin made a bow. “Lance. Lance Questin, my lady.”

“Why do you want to be on this mission, Lance?”

Lance grinned, looking up at the princess. “Money. I mean, we will be compensated, right?”

Dan thought he saw an expression of disgust flash on the princess’s face. But it was gone so fast that he wasn’t sure it had been there at all. She swallowed. “Of course.” Then she went over to the young elf.

He immediately went down on one knee in front of her, keeping his eyes downcast. “My name is Faran Helm. And I want to go with you because it is an honor to serve my princess.”

Ascernia nodded. “You may stand, Faran.”

Faran obeyed. Dan thought the blonde-haired elf looked a little too pleased. Something about his flamboyant red shirt and readily displayed sword told him he might not be much use in an actual fight. Now the princess walked over to Dan, stopping front of him, like the others.

“What is your name?”

He could smell a flowery perfume coming from her. His heart beat faster from her presence. “Dan Garlee.”

“Okay, Dan. Why do you want ...”

Ophelia cut in hurriedly, “He’s a dropper.”

Both Dan and Ascernia looked at her. Ascernia was first to speak. “Yes. I realized that as soon as I saw his clothes.” Ophelia blushed, while the princess turned to Dan. “The question is, can you fight, and do you want to?”

Dan nodded. “I can and I want to.” His life was crap, and he figured helping pretty elf princesses wasn’t something he’d get the chance to do, ever again. Character-building experience, his dear-old father would have said. “Not because of duty,” he looked at Faran, “or because I want money,” he glanced at Lance, “but just because it’s ...” he couldn’t believe he was about say this, “the right thing to do.” God, he felt sick now.

The princess gazed at him for a while, like he was a strange puzzle to be solved, then she just gave a tiny nod, and took a step to the side. Facing Ophelia, but before Ascernia could open her mouth, Ophelia said, “Ophelia Landon. Yeah, yeah, I’ll fight. But just because I’m babysitting,” she glared at Dan, “him.”

Ascernia’s eyes stayed with Ophelia for a moment, then they turned back to the crimson guard, which had stayed on the wooden square. “We have our army.”

The one that had spoken out at the address jumped down from the square, approaching Ascernia. The other one followed. The first one took off her helmet and looked at the princess. The elf revealed was beautiful – but currently wearing a scowl. “Princess! You cannot be serious. Your father created the crimson guard especially for you, for your protection.” The woman looked around, at Dan, Faran, Lance and Ophelia. “This isn’t an army, this is a way to get yourself killed.”

A note of steel entered the princess’s voice. “My father also said to obey me, in all things, did he not, Maleina?”

Maleina grudgingly nodded. “Of course. We will follow you until earth’s end ... but this is still suicide!”

Faran angrily rounded up on the guard, hand on his sword. “You will not speak to your princess this way!”

In one lighting fast move Maleina slapped him with the back of a steel-gloved hand. Faran spun to the ground. Maleina glared at him. “Know your place, commoner.”

Faran glowered at her as he stood up, but otherwise did nothing. The other guard approached Maleina. She too – Dan saw – took off her helmet. Another beautiful elf, Dan noted, had all of the crimson guard been female? This one had long black hair bound in a ponytail. She put a hand on Maleina’s shoulder. “Sister. Relax.”

Maleina twisted out of her sister’s hand. “Damnit, Diana, I am relaxed.”

“It doesn’t look that way to me, sister.”

Ascernia nodded at them. “Put your helmets back up. We leave immediately.” The women obeyed.

Ophelia faced the princess. “So ... what’s the plan here, anyway?”

Maleina answered. “The plan is to attack a kelthos camp. The prince managed to get a message out through a spell he had on him. It included the location of the camp, and that we should hurry because the kelthos were planning on having him for dinner. Something about liking royal flesh. Personally, I hope they do eat him, the boy is an insufferable ...”

The princess gasped. “Maleina! This is my fiancé you’re talking about.”

The guard snorted. “In a marriage you never wanted. Your dad’s idea, all of it. You’ve even confessed you yourself don’t like the guy. So why are we going through with this rescue at all?”

For a moment Ascernia seemed lost for words. “I ... it’s true. I don’t. But ... I can’t let him die.” She turned to Maleina. “And neither can you. It’s not the kind of people we are.”

Maleina sighed. “Yeah, sure. We will do as you command, my lady.”

The princess nodded. “Good.” She turned to her “army.” “We’re forced to go on foot. We don’t have horses for all of you. This will be your last chance to abort.” Perhaps it was Dan’s imagination, but he felt she looked at him the most. “Will you follow me?”

As one the group said, “Yes.” Though Ophelia sighed hers.

“Okay. First, we will get you weapons, and get us some supplies. Then we’ll go.”

“Weapons?” Maybe those fencing lessons were finally going to come in handy, Dan thought, a pain at first – he had started for a girl. But he had gotten quite good, and finished for himself. Dan grinned. “Cool.”