Heart; Broken In-half

         This letter was supposed to be a collaborated writing with my friend Natasha Valdez about a young adult state of mind in the end of the twentieth-century. Yet, I choose this topic of heartbreak due to the fact Natasha and a different friend started their own thesis upon the same subject. And, as the old saying goes, misery loves company.

         Being twenty-five years old, I have had a fair amount of friendships as well as relationships. Both type of "-ships" are of equal importance in my heart. But, as odd as it sounds, I hold friends at an arms length, where as a person I'm in relation to, I tend to be more exclusive and intimate with.

         I, therefore, proclaim that a friendship is a finite game, and that a relationship is an infinite game.

         Of course, losing any aspect of any game can, and usually does, inflict some sort of internal pain. Some people handle this internal pain better than others and it varies in degree from person-to-person. I, personally, suffered the loss of somebody whom I felt was my true soul-mate. Somebody who I grew emotionally attached to and lost through past events ... which is something you might have experienced as well. (Relationships suck sometimes. You know? Especially when you think it’s a friendship and the other person thinks it’s a relationship, or vice versa.)

         Now, when loss happens, a lot of people go about finding somebody else immediately. And sometimes that is the best medicine for what ails you. But, according to my own life and conversations I have had with others, I have found that if you ignore your feelings and emotions you can and will more-than-likely buildup undesirable pressure inside of your entire being. Needless to say, this undesirable pressure can and will make you susceptible to stress, nightmares, possibly drug abuse, and have the threat of future relationships being plagued by the unresolved problems of your past.

         Running-away from any problem will get you away from the immediate problem. But that problem will still remain a problem within your past. And that problem deserves an answer. Maybe the best answer at the time was too runaway, or maybe it was to kick some ass! Whatever the problem was, it deserved a punishment for becoming a problem in the first place. If running-away was the only answer to the problem, then so be it. Otherwise, an answer has yet to be procured, and that old problem can still affect your future. Which brings us back to our present, brokenhearted state.

         A truly broken heart is the result of an answer not being a good enough answer for the problem to be transformed back into a suitable (original?) state – whatever that state is currently and was before. Regardless of transformation, as long as you express yourself outwardly and openly to the truth you've lived through, your experience will not be lived in vain.

         Talking with others who are willing to listen about your experience will get you and your broken heart the attention it needs and deserves to heal properly. As true condolence is a blessing that should never to be overlooked. But, on occasion, spending time all by yourself – thinking alone amongst the silence of nature – is the best way to go about the situation. It's after all of your emotions have settled from your heartbreaking experience, that I ask: Please, please find your way back to mingle with all the rest of us heartbroken people. ;)

Thank you for your time,
Curtis Lee Cancino
10-24-04