Because I Love(d) You

Give Me Love

Bloodthirsty for your flesh, blood and bones. For the movement of your joints, sinews and limbs. I want to feel your skin inflamed with lust and the fret of a frantic heart. Give me your lips, your word that you'll love me past this trivial tangle. Give me your eyes, I'm the only sight you wish to behold. Give me your breath, your life to entwine with mine. Give me Love or give me Death.
Give me the nest; tangled sheets binding us to one another. Give me the darkness, to ease my sight and replace it with your voice. Soothe my aching body, release these tensions and gloomy thoughts. Reawaken me in this dream. Rip me from the banal reality and thrust me into another place, another time, another being. Give me pain and anguish, the flame I feel for you. Give me that eclipsing kiss, that moment I completely fall for you. And let me keep falling, falling, falling. In your arms, falling. Lying beside you, I'm still falling.

Give me everything you hold dear, give me back the hours on that grey Sunday. I wish it had never ended. Give me back my past, give me back the future and everything else we could have had. Give that cold December day. The frost playing with your hair. When the snow brought us down, down in winter bliss. That kiss, that smile, that feeling. Give me Love or give me Death.

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A Little Poem
I'm only feeling a little tired
a little weak
a little alone
a little meek.
I don't know where to go
from here,
Without someone near
To remind my heart
not to fall apart
To take me along
to where I belong
To take my hand
& lead the way
to let me go astray
in this heart shaped box.

I'm feeling only a little torn
a little used
a little heartsick
a little abused
Making plans
or my mistakes.
Making love
only to grow in to self-hate
Making words
To fill this empty space.

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MEMORY
Sacred. That one moment I weld from my memory. The image flows through my mind and I try to see it again in real time. In this room to see you vaporize from nothingness, an alluring mirage.

Sunshine brushing on my cheek, blushing with the life of happiness. The fruits of passion, the colours of the sublime. I want to take a bite out of that ripe fruit, take what is to be taken. I want to grasp the flesh of nature, that beautiful symmetry. That fearful symmetry. I want to grasp him, press it to mine, gasping for breath. Gasping. Gaping wounds. Fill it with your love. Give me love. The fruits of our labour.
Sunshine, blinding my vision. I can’t see you. The birds sing and fall from the skies, balancing on the branches, blessing our love. That cold feeling drops from my throat; I want to take your lips. I want to press the flesh, until our lips are raw and bleeding. I want to hear the sound of you receiving my love. Give you my love. Be kind, my love. Let him fall into these emotions too. Let the wind race by him and the sun break from the darkness. Sunshine brushing his cheeks, blushing with the life of happiness.
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1. Devastation. Starvation. My heart faces these cruelties, because I choose to look at you with a heavy fondness. Deprivation, to live without your voice, sounds just for me to hear. If I could only know, the familiarity of your lips on mine. Seal my wounds tightly. I want you, in the worst way. In a horrible manner I want to escape what keeps me from you. Taunting me, making me a love’s fool.
Even if I could just look at you, just hold your gaze one more time. But then again and again. Love has never driven anyone into the gutter but it sure has driven people mad and I am mad for you. My love, I need yours. Fulfill me. Keep me company. Sweep away the ruble and grant me my life. My devotion is endless. I’m paying my debt in advance.

2. Tell me something I don’t know. Tell my something I need to hear. Tell me that you love me the way I admire you. Tell me that this fancy will pass too.
I made a secret promise that I’ll be the one to get the last choked up laugh. Like death, I want to give you the experience. Don’t be so judgmental, why can’t you just try? For all the reasons beyond why I like you so, you’ve got your insecurities. If you could be, close enough to hear, those whispers caught in a sigh.
Caught waiting underneath the mistletoe in the middle of July.

3. Waiting for the impossible to happen, listening closely to the words removed from my dreams. Half away, lucidly my vision swims. Put the needle in place and let the vibrations send ripples racing. Listen to sounds that recognize the pain in me. I feel ill without the symptoms. Light headed, thoughts stumbling and swaying from side to side. Between the truth and self-induced tunnel vision. If I only see you, surely you’ll see me too?

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I hide my face from the impending doom. Waiting for snide remarks, like piranhas, to nip, nip, nip at me. Cold faces floating down the hall. Stuck in the sound of music, I don’t notice them greet me. Without the melodies, I wait impatiently, for that one person to look up. LOOK UP! LOOK! See me standing here, arms flailing, wildly like a stuck bird. Face, shining with the alert, eyes glued to you. Why can you not believe??




-somtimes my sorrow is the greatest expression of my love (Ditto)