The Edge of Reason (4,5,6,&7)

The Drug Store
   
    "I can't believe you're making me watch this," Grace laughed as a particularly cheesy scene played on the tv.
    "Oh please!" Melissa giggled. "I told you what movies I got. Did I drive over to your house, force you to get in the car, and make you stare at the tv? No, I believe somebody came over on their own free will."
    "Alright, alright. It's not like I had anything better to do anyways. I'm just giving you a hard time."
    "You know you secretly love zombie movies, Grace," Melissa began to eat a handful of popcorn but jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom.
    Grace listened as her friend barely got the toilet seat up and started vomiting. She waited, confused, until she thought Melissa was finally done.
    "Are you okay?" she poked her head into the bathroom. Melissa started puking again. Grace kneeled behind her and held Melissa's hair back.
    Several minutes later Melissa finally leaned back and let Grace put her arms around her.
    "Ugh," Melissa moaned. "That was rough." Grace put the back of her hand on Melissa's forehead.
    "You don't really have a fever."
    "Thanks, mom," Melissa joked. "I don't know what that was all about. It just hit me..." she trailed off. Melissa jumped up so quickly it knocked Grace backwards.
    "Ow!" Grace yelped sarcastically.
    "We gotta go to the store!"
    "What are you talking about?"
    "I, I, I think I'm pregnant," Melissa stuttered. "Come on. Get your stuff!" she ran out of the bathroom. Grace followed her into the living room.
    "Are you serious?!"
    "Yah! Come on! I want to find out now! We've got to get to the store before it closes!"
    "Ok, ok!" Grace laughed as she grabbed her things and rushed out the door after Melissa.

    "Okay!" Melissa called from the bathroom. "I'll be out in a sec!"
    Grace just laughed while she waited patiently on the couch. Melissa joined her a few minutes later, grinning like an idiot.
    "You're a goober."
    "I know. It just has to be positive, though. It has to be."
    "It's obviously too late now, but I'll say it anyway. Melissa, don't get too excited yet, just in case. I don't want to see you hurt, babe. Just try to calm down."
    "You're right," Melissa agreed. Both of them were silent for a few seconds. "What time is it, anyway?" Melissa asked. She looked at the clock and rushed to the bathroom door. "Wish me luck," she looked at Grace and giggled.
    Grace grew concerned when there was no commotion from the bathroom right away. She got up to check on Melissa.
    Melissa was standing in the center of the room, holding the pregnancy test and crying.
    "Oh no," Grace thought. "I told her not to get excited."
    But Melissa finally looked up with tears streaming down her cheeks. She held the test out for Grace to see.
    "Melissa, it's positive! Why are you crying?!"
    She could barely speak. "I'm so happy," Melissa whispered. "Grace, I've never been this happy in my life! Do you know how long I've wanted this?"
    Grace went over and hugged Melissa. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered in her ear. "Yes, I know how much you've wanted this," Grace started crying with her. Her tears were not exactly happy ones, though.
    She began thinking about the baby she should have had several months ago. She wasn't bitter towards her friend, but she couldn't help but worry. Grace also knew the baby she lost was due to no fault of her own, but she couldn't help but feel a little bit depressed in light of Melissa's happiness.
    "You take extra good care of yourself, babe."
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Rendezvous

    "Why don't you come over after work tonight? We'll sit out on the porch swing and look at the stars and have a drink."
    "Are you serious?" Melissa asked. She and Grace associated at work, what some people would probably call "work friends," but they had never hung out with each other outside of work. Why all of a sudden, after all this time, for no apparent reason, would she ask her to come over? Sure, Grace only lived literally two minutes away from her, and car pooling had been brought up, but she had never pushed the idea. Some people just needed more personal time. She definitely understood that. But they just remained "work friends."
    "Yah, I'm serious. Why wouldn't I be? Listen. I was thinking about it the other day, and I don't know why we don't hang out more often."
    "Grace, we don't hang out at all," Melissa felt herself getting defensive, even though she tried to fight it. "I know why, too. For one, you're 15 years older than I am. Most people would probably find that a little odd." Those feelings Melissa had been having came boiling to the surface, but she somehow managed to supress them enough not to get herself in trouble. Plus Grace didn't seem to notice or care about Melissa's hostility.
    "Well I don't see anything wrong with it," Grace stated. "Why should friendship have age limits? I think it's stupid. Anyway, I just thought it might be fun. If you don't want to it's fine."
    "No, no. It's not that," Melissa cut her off. "I just...You just caught me off guard, that's all. I'd love to come over. As usual, it's not like I have anything better to do and it sure beats sitting at home by myself all night."
    "Okay, babe. Just let me know if you change your mind at the gas station."
    "Okay," Melissa called as she walked away. "I hate when she calls me that!" Melissa sneered to herself.

    "You change your mind?" Grace asked after work at the gas station.
    "No. Did you?" Melissa tried to joke.
    "No, no. I was just double checking. Are you just going to follow me, or do you need to stop by your house first?"
    "I just thought I would follow you if that's okay?"
    "Okay. I'll see you there," Grace smiled.
    Melissa got in her car and followed Grace. She was still feeling very angry towards Grace and didn't know why. She had been hoping for something like this to happen for months and now that it was, she was liable to ruin it by the way she was acting. The truth was, she had found Grace attractive for months. She had had feelings for other females and found them attractive before, but never to this extent. She had been going crazy because she had no idea how to deal with her feelings. And as far as she could tell, Grace was happily married.
    "This is a bad idea," Melissa thought as she pulled into Grace's driveway.
    "Come on in for a minute so we can make our drinks. The house is kind of a mess. Sorry."
    Melissa followed Grace inside and found just what she expected: the house wasn't a mess at all. In fact, it was very well kept.
    "What are you talking about? It's immaculate in here!"
    "Oh, you're just being nice."
    Melissa just rolled her eyes.
    "What?!" Grace laughed.
    "Oh, nothing," Melissa replied sarcastically.
    Grace opened up a cabinet and saw the most wonderful sight she had ever seen outside of a bar.
    "God, alchy!" Melissa joked.
    "I told you I had a damn liquor cabinet," Grace laughed. "Let me guess. You want some Captain?" she teased.
    "Yes, ma'am! How did you guess?" Melissa laughed.
    Grace handed her the bottle of Captain Morgan. "Do you need a glass?"
    Melissa shook her fountain drink in the air. "Already got it covered."
    "Oh." Grace went about making her own drink while Melissa watched.
    "I still can't believe you drink that stuff," Melissa said as Grace poured the Crown Royal in her glass.
    "What can I say? I'm a bit of a redneck," Grace laughed. "Come on. Let's go sit down and relax!"
    Melissa followed Grace back to the porch and sat down next to her.
    "Ah," Grace sighed as she tilted her head back. "I'm so glad it's the weekend."
    "Tell me about it!"
    "Did you have a bad week, sweetheart?"
    "It was okay, but tonight was really stressful. We had to fix a bunch of stuff and everyone was just acting stupid it seems like."
    "Is that why you were so grouchy earlier?"
    "What do you mean?"
    "When I asked if you wanted to come over. You got kind of crappy, but I just ignored it because I didn't figure it was directed towards me," Grace explained.
    "Oh," Melissa drew out. "I was hoping you didn't notice because it was kind of directed towards you."
    "Shit!" Melissa thought. "Why did I just say that?!"
    "What? Is something wrong? Did I do something? You've been acting kind of weird today."
    "Never mind. Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal," Melissa tried to sound convincing. "It's not you. It's me. I'm just being weird."
    "Are you sure? Because if I did something to make you mad, I want to know so I won't do it again," Grace was concerned.
    "No, I promise it wasn't you. Once again, I was taking my anger out on the wrong person. I'm sorry."
    "It's okay...Just don't let it happen again," Grace joked.
    Melissa finally relaxed a little and laughed along with her.
    "You know, I know we're not great friends or anything, but I can keep a secret if you ever want to talk about anything," Grace pried a little.
    "Thanks for the offer, seriously, because I could definitely use someone to talk to, but I'm not drunk enough to talk about it right now," Melissa chuckled.
    "Okay," Grace laughed. "I'm here if you need me, though. Honestly." Grace grabbed Melissa's hand and squeezed it. Melissa instantly felt herself tense up all over. Thank God Grace didn't seem to notice. At first.
    "Look, I hope this doesn't make you mad that I know this, but I was talking to Leslie once when you asked her to ask me something, but I said something to her about you having mental issues, and I don't mean that how it sounds, but she confirmed my suspicions and I just kind of worry about you sometimes. I know it's none of my business, so I hope I'm not being totally out of line or inappropriate. And I'll be honest, I don't really think I know what you're going through, but like I said, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. I don't want you to feel like you're alone, because I can relate to that. I hope I'm not making you mad."
    Melissa's eyes were starting to well with tears. "This is going to come out sounding bitchy, but I don't mean it to. Is this the reason you asked me over," she tried to fight back tears.
    "No! Honey, no! That's not it at all! I just thought we could drink and have a good time," Grace was almost offended, but more hurt than anything.
    "Okay," Melissa was still trying to fight tears, but losing miserably. "I just wanted to know. I didn't want to have a pity party or anything," Melissa choked.
    Grace turned towards Melissa. "Why are you crying?" she put a hand on Melissa's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
    "It's okay," Melissa finally let herself go. "It's just that not very many people tell me that kind of thing and I actually believe it. I have a hard time trusting people, but for some reason I actually believe you. I WANT to believe you." Melissa finally looked into Grace's eyes. "If you're serious, I really appreciate it."
    Grace just bent over and hugged Melissa, whether she liked it or not. Melissa let her, though. It felt good to have someone care.
    "Yes, I'm serious, Melissa. You can trust me, Melissa," Grace whispered.
    Melissa cried even harder for a minute while Grace held her close. She finally forced herself to regain her composure.
    "I am so sorry," Melissa laughed. "It must be my pms kicking in."
    Grace let go of Melissa and leaned back. "You're alright," she chuckled. "Everybody has their moments."
    "Yah, I seem to have a lot more than most people, though," Melissa laughed and looked up at the stars.
    "I love sitting out here and looking at the stars," Grace interrupted Melissa's thoughts. "It's nice having company, though," she looked over and smiled.
    "This is nice," Melissa took a drink. "Well, now that we're just relaxing and I'm not breaking down on you," Melissa laughed.
    "Forget about it. It's time for happy thoughts," Grace declared.
    "Oh my God. Are you drunk already? Listen to you!"
    Grace held up her empty glass and shook it. "Time for a new one!" she grinned as she walked in the house. Two seconds later she poked her head back out the door. "Do you need one by the way?"
    "No, I can get it. Thanks, though."
    Grace stumbled a little onto the porch and grabbed Melissa's glass. "I got it!" she disappeared.
    Melissa just laughed. She waited for Grace to return and let her mind wander, which was not a good thing. When Grace brought her drink back, she quickly caught up to the point where Grace was.
    "Are you trying to liquor me up?" Melissa joked.
    "Maaaybe," Grace laughed.
    "My God, how much Captain did you put in here?" she slurred.
    "Uhm, half and half," she giggled.
    "You're ate up," Melissa smiled. "Is your husband going to be mad when he wakes up and you're drunk as shit?"
    "Naw," Grace drew out. "He's used to it. I'll introduce you if you're still here. He's kind of quiet at first, so don't think he's an asshole. He's actually okay."
    "That's alright. That's how Eric is too. Except he is an asshole," Melissa laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anyone else in the world." There was a pause like she was getting ready to say something else, but she never did.
    Even as inebriated as Grace was, she could feel the awkwardness and all of her discretion was two sheets to the wind.
    "Well? What were you going to say?" she insisted.
    Melissa and Grace had both has several drinks now, but Melissa tried to lie anyways.
    "Nothing. Why? Did it sound like I wasn't finished?" she slurred even worse than before.
    "I thought so...Oh well!" Grace suddenly leaned in and put her head on Melissa's shoulder.
    "Why are you still so tense?" Grace questioned.
    'I'm not drunk enough for this shit," a distant voice in the back of Melissa's mind said. "Yes you are. Just see where it goes. Maybe something good will happen," another voice said.
    "What?" Melissa said out loud to her conscience. "Oh, what? I'm not tense." She tried to relax.
    "Yes you are!" Grace insisted. She turned Melissa away from her and dug her fingers into her shoulders.
    Melissa finally let herself relax, but accidentally let out a low moan.
    "Bet I could make you do that again," Grace giggled.
    "What?!" Melissa snapped her neck around to look at Grace.
    "What?!" Grace mocked her.
    Melissa just turned around and let Grace continue to massage her shoulders. She wasn't sure what had suddenly gotten into Grace, but she liked it.
    "Psst! I know what you were going to say earlier, I think"
    "Grace, just let it go," Melissa whined.
    "No, it's okay. Just let me say what I want to say. And if I'm totally off you can leave and we can pretend this never happened."
    "Okay," Melissa laughed.
    Grace sighed. "Here we go. I think you were going to say something along the lines of, it's not that you don't love your husband, but you have feelings for someone else." There was a long silence between them. "Am I right?"
    Melissa turned to face her finally. "Yes, but it's not what you think."
    "I know," Grace nodded knowingly.
    "What do you know?" Melissa grew suspicious.
    "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are with the moon reflecting in them?" Grace became serious. Melissa's eyes grew wide.
    "Don't think about it," Grace whispered as she leaned in and kissed Melissa on the lips.
    For some reason, somehow, Melissa completely surrendered her mind and body to Grace. She just hoped beyond all hope that this was not another dream.
    Grace's lips were even softer than she imagined. A few seconds later she felt Grace's body pressing against hers so she laid back. Her hair felt silky against her face as it spilled down over her, almost shining from the glow of the moon.
    Melissa could feel Grace's heart, and her own, beating hard against her chest. She reached up and ran her fingers through Grace's hair. Melissa only allowed one small tear to fall down her cheek. Unfortunately, Grace still felt it.
    "What's wrong?" she stopped.
    "Are you real?" Melissa whispered.
    "As real as it gets," Grace pinched her arm.
    "Ow! Why I oughta!' Melissa teased, but quickly shut up when Grace started kissing her where she was pinched and worked her way up her neck. Melissa closed her eyes again and thanked the stars above she wasn't dreaming again.

    Melissa received a phone call early the next day.
    "Hello?" It was an unknown number.
    "Melissa? It's Grace."
    "Oh," she was surprised. "Hey. How did you get my number. I didn't give it to you last night, did I?"
    "No, I have my connections, though," Grace tried to joke. "Listen, we need to talk about last night. Is that okay?"
    "Yah, I guess," Melissa was unsure and afraid of where this conversation might head.
    "Well, you know me. I'm not one to beat around the bush much. I usually like getting straight to the point, right? So here's the thing: I don't want what happened last night to make things weird between us so I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel. I hope you can try to do the same for me."
    There was silence on Melissa's end of the phone.
    "Are you still there?"
    "Yah. I'm just listening. Waiting for the bad news," Melissa replied wryly.
    "No, babe, that's the thing. It's not bad news. At least I don't think so. I like you a lot, okay Melissa? I think you're amazing. You're beautiful and you're funny. And the age difference doesn't even bother me. But here's the thing: you've got to tell me how you feel because I'm willing to do whatever you want. What happens next is totally up to you."
    Melissa could already feel the tears burning behind her eyes. This was going to hurt. She took a deep breath and spilled her guts.
    "Just so you know, it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings and this is going to be difficult for me to get out. Grace, I have been wishing for something like last night to happen for months. But I had no idea you would have ever felt the same way. So, needless to say, I was not ready for last night as much as I thought. Here's the real shitty part: Eric doesn't know I'm like this. Not as bad as I am at least. I just don't think he would understand. And I can't bear to hurt him, you know? He's my husband, after all. But what I guess I'm trying to say, and you have no idea how much this hurts me, but I think we should just stay friends for the time being, Grace. Can you understand where I'm coming from?" Melissa was crying.
    "Yes, I can, as much as it hurts. And I can understand how much it hurts you because I can feel it too. But I understand, I really do. Like I said, I am willing to respect your decision. But I want you to know one more thing. I'm not sorry about what happened last night. I wouldn't take it back for anything." Melissa could hear the tremble in Grace's voice even over the phone.
    "I wouldn't either," Melissa whispered.
    "I hope things are different one day."
    "Me too, Grace. Me too."
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    Needless to say, work was a little awkward the next week. Melissa and Grace went about their business, but barely spoke to each other, unless needed. Melissa was the one who finally broke the silence.
    "Hey Grace?"
    "Yah?"
    "Do you think we could talk at lunch today? I know you always eat with Leslie, but I think it's important."
    "Ok," Grace gave a forced half smile.

    Grace sat with Melissa in her car during lunch.
    "Okay," Melissa began, "we can't keep acting like this forever. We just can't. It hurts too much."
    "I agree. I've just been thinking a lot today. It's bad enough that I'm kind of hurt, but to know you're hurting just as much kills me even more. Is that bad?"
    "No, because that's the way I've been feeling too. Plus it's just kind of awkward, you know? We can pretend things haven't changed between us all we want, but we can't deny that they have. Oddly enough, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing." Melissa paused for a minute. "What should we do?"
    "What do you want to do?" Grace asked.
    "Grace, don't make this thing all up to me. You've got to have some input."
    "Okay, I think we should act perfectly normal around each other. At work or whatever. I think we should be ourselves at work, but just hide the 'extra' feelings, shall we say. Does that make sense? Melissa, I think we could still be really good friends."
    "I do too. And I think that's a great plan...for now. I don't want to lose you as a friend just because things can't exactly be how we want them right now," Melissa paused again. "Are we okay?" she looked at Grace hopefully.
    "Yah," she smiled. "I don't want to feel like I'm ignoring you."
    "Me neither," Melissa whispered.
    They both leaned in at the same time and hugged each other.