The Fat Outlaw

The Fat Outlaw

I robbed, and I plundered, I pillaged, and then,
I decided to go out and do it again.

I rustled some cattle, and cheated at cards.
I chased all the ladies that worked in the bars.

At The Crazy Coyote I drank way too much.
I shot a loud cowboy who called himself Dutch.

Waitin' in jail for the day I would hang,
I ate biscuits and gravy and most everything.

They fed me so good I got fat as a whale,
Which is why I'm alive to be tellin' this tale.

I stood on the gallows, up high on a deck.
I remember them slippin the rope 'round my neck.

A lever was pulled and I fell through the trap,
But believe it or not, my fat neck didn't snap.

'Stead of my neck, 'twas the rope that did break.
On my belly, I lay in the dust like a snake.

"Hang him again!" the audience cried.
"Can't do it, I'm sorry!" the Marshall replied.

As fat as I was, the rope should have been stronger.
Now I get to go free, but my neck's a bit longer.

Gawk all you want, but be kind and don't laugh.
I can't help that I look like a big, fat giraffe.