FATHER'S DAY

The title of father is not given - it is earned



This coming Sunday we will celebrate Father’s Day, a day set aside to pay honor to those men who have demonstrated special qualities of parenthood. Those men who have dedicated their lives to teaching, protecting, nurturing, and understanding the children they have assumed guidance and responsibility for.

This is not a particularly sacrosanct day for me because I have never truly had a father that I could call my very own.

As the product of a broken home, I met my birth father for the first time when I was nine years old, for a short five minutes, then did not meet him again until I was in my teens. What I knew of and about him was second hand knowledge  and what I later found out about his character was not worth learning.

I went through a succession of ‘fathers’ throughout my childhood, or stepfathers as the case may be. Some were simply filling the role of reluctant provider while others should have been locked up for brutal child abuse and neglect. ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child,’ was their favorite biblical quote but they took this as a license to inflict physical and verbal abuse.

There were two men in my life that I can truly ascribe the deserving title of ‘father’ too.

My Uncle Theodore (Ted) Broadus was the kind of father that any boy would love to call his own. Ted was kind, generous, quiet, forceful when he had to be, yet forgiving, attentive and a gentle loving man. Unfortunately, I only stayed with him when my Mother was between husbands and these times were far too short.

The other was my Uncle George Huff who was like Uncle Ted but more of a diamond in the rough. Uncle George taught me what it was to be responsible for my actions. He also taught me honor, courage, adaptability and responsibility.

Uncle George was a wonderful storyteller or ‘stick-talker’ in Native American culture. His knowledge of Native American lore and stories about animals and nature were boundless. The best thing was that each story he told related to some moral value, whether it was honesty, integrity, determination, love, sharing, giving, sacrificing or a plethora of other virtues.

I did reconcile with my birth father before his death but primarily out of respect for and honor to his brother - my Uncle George. And, even while this reconciliation was going on, I would often glance longingly at my Uncle George with a secret and shameful thought. This thought was genuinely selfish because my personal wish was that Uncle George had been my birth father instead of the man he called brother.

There was another man I must mention who must be listed in the category of good fathers. His name was Robert Ladnier and he was my adopted father. Robert was a kind and gentle man who cared and provided for his children, but he also provided us with something that no other man had given to me until meeting him.

Robert was a religious man and introduced me to the greatest father of all, my Father in heaven.

Before Robert, I knew little or nothing about Christianity. My grandmother was a strict woman who was deep into her Native American religion and was often disdainful towards those who attended church or a church she approved of. My succession of stepfathers were not Christian men, and although my Uncle George and Uncle Ted were wonderful men, they practiced Christianity on a personal basis and did not attend any organized church.

Robert however, introduced me to God the Father and my life was ultimately changed because of it. I came very close to becoming a celibate priest but Got meant for my life to take a different course. He taught me how to be a real father instead.

Being a father is not a difficult job, especially when you have so many good and bad examples to draw from. And, the title of father is not given - it is earned. Any man can give life to a child, but it takes enormous love, patience, devotion and understanding to earn the title of father.

Happy Father’s Day to all those who truly deserve it!