Being the Peanut Butter

Time are tough in 2009.  We're in the midst of a global recession and the outlook is still bleak for the remainder of the year.  So what's there to be happy about?  Peanut butter.  I'm not talking the stuff you put on bread and eat, or the stuff that people are deathly allergic to.  I'm talking about the metaphoric human peanut butter, the glue that holds sandwich generations together.  I'm talking about people like me and families like mine.



I think the most important thing about a family situation like mine is patience and understanding.  Without that, the situation won’t work out.  If everyone is at each other’s throat for every little thing, the situation becomes tense and unbearable.  A situation like that isn’t fair to anyone involved and shouldn’t be the environment children should be exposed to daily.  There will be arguments and disagreements.  I’d be lying if I said my brother and I didn’t argue on occasion.  But we move beyond that and it’s important to show any children exposed to the argument that you can move beyond it.  Most of the arguments I will admit do stem from my disapproval of how he treats his children.  I often think he’s too soft on them and he thinks he’s being fair.  I sometimes feel like my mother.  Whoa!  I never thought I’d say that!



There are a lot of families like mine in Canada, and specifically in Toronto.  A lot of them that I know of personally are immigrant families who are living together out of necessity.  Many have parents whose English is limited and thus the children need to be there to handle the day to day activities of paying bills, rent and grocery shopping.  While Toronto is diverse, you realistically can’t conduct all of your day to day transactions in a language other than English.  You may come across a lot of establishments that have people who speak other languages, but to get by you really do need to know some English, or have a translator – their children in most cases.  This is the case in my family.  While my father is well enough to be on his own, I know he would struggle with things like banking, paying bills, ordering utility services, etc.  So I stay with him to ensure this gets done.  This is where the peanut butter comes in.  While our family has many aspects to it, we have an abundance of love and respect.  We share laughter and tears.  We have peanut butter.  I know my family would be just fine without me, but I like knowing that I contribute in some way, that my day to day activities actually holds the family together.  Sometimes it’ll be by paying the bills, other times it’ll be by making sure everyone is happy and taken care of and that everyone has what they need.  We peanut butters ensure that the children have enough food, the parents have the money they need day to day to go out and enjoy life, we ensure everything at home is in working order and that everyone at home is content. 



So yes, sometimes it is a frustrating situation and sometimes it is hard to not have my own space.  But when I wake up in the morning and I see all those around me, and hear “Tahtee” or “Auntie” every two minutes, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Truth is, I like being peanut butter.  I like being able to see my nieces and nephews grow up and develop their own sense of self.  I like knowing my father’s taken care of and I like knowing that I matter in some small way.  I like knowing that being there is making a difference and it matters if I’m there or not and I see it in their faces.  I see the smile when my niece comes with my father to pick me up at the subway station and I hear it in the laughter when we all share funny stories or gossip about the neighbors or other family members. 



Sandwich generation families aren’t unique or uncommon.  They’re all around us and they are what the family unit used to be – multiple generations living under one roof.  I hope other peanut butters out there realize how precious a gift it is to make a difference in so many lives by simply being there.