Princess Mehlilcha Studies Gibberish

Editor’s note: Mehlilcha is pronounced Meh-lil-cha with a slight accent on the first syllable.

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Princess Mehlilcha was six years old and her father, King Kriyon of Before, had progressive ideas about education. He thought that Her Royal Smallness should begin lessons in all the important languages even though this was before the usual age of instruction. His Royal Highness believed that languages were more quickly and better learned in youth, and the Princess would find it very useful in later life to not have to rely on interpreters. Queen Kriyon. on the other hand, thought it better that Princess Mehlilcha occupy herself with the flute, harp, oboe, and zither, thus gaining grace and refinement that would be even more useful in later life. Eventually they settled on the zither and the language of the most important neighboring country, the land of Gibber, other instruction beginning in the traditional next year, and so it was. Mehlilcha was taught to sing and to play the anthem of Before on the zither. The words to the anthem were and remain

Anthem Of Before

Before I came through the slippery door

There was nothing, now all’s Before



Trees of aps* and fields of wheat

Happy cows and houses neat

Strong of limb and hale to meet



Slow to fight in stupid war

We are always for Before



*Apples

King Kriyon believed it important that royalty have the love of the people and so directed the Princess learn “Tossing Of The Husks” and other popular tunes. Mehlilcha loved to sing, though when she did so servants tended to recall urgent tasks elsewhere in the castle and King Kriyon was said to have once winced during a particularly discordant rendition of “Chatterberry Wine.” Princess Mehlilcha learned all twelve verses of the Anthem Of Before, and one day was heard to play them on the clavinet, though she had yet to have any instruction on that instrument. Soon the clavinet became her favorite and she came to play it quite melodiously, though instruction continued on the zither as it was the instrument for which Before was known and instruction must continue. To slight the instrument could lead to lackluster support from the important Union of The Zither.

Mehlilcha was less diligent in the study of Gibberish, with its tenses and genders and strange rules of use. Mehlilcha could not understand why a zagabi [window] was female while krabo [curtains] were male and mindain [walls] were neuter. Mehlilcha pestered her tutors with such questions and demands for explanations, declared Gibberish foolish, and was so tardy with her homework that they despaired she would ever learn. Eventually word of this got back to King Kriyon. He for the first time summoned his daughter the Princess to a royal audience. This was to be a minor audience, in the Lesser Hall rather than the Greater, and with only twenty courtiers and a few men at arms rather than two hundred odd, but nevertheless an imposing occasion for Her Royal Smallness. Mehlilcha was led into the Lesser Hall by a lady-in-waiting, then was left fo kneel alone. King Kriyon did not have a large voice, some may even had said it was small for a king, and the king himself was hardly large, some may whisper it small, bur for all this the King’s voice and posture never lacked firmness, and thusly for the first time King Kriyon addressed Princess Mehlilcha from the Lesser Throne in his royal capacity as King of Before, using her royal name.

“My Princess, Princess Mehlilcha Elbahun Twersitwall Albinor Agricolus DeGaspee Bangwal DeAlmber Brinndle. The King is not pleased. Do you understand your importance to the land of Before?”

Princess Mehlilcha was of course disposed correctly, on her knees, arms spread with fingertips touching the floor, eyes downcast. She nodded yes.

“Do you understand that someday you will share in the rule of a great land, and that if God so wishes it you may rule alone?”

Another nod. Some say her lip trembled. Others strongly deny this.

“You have been royally directed to the study of the language of the fine land of Gibber. We have heard that you have demanded an explanation of Gibberish. This cannot be. The rules of Gibberish make no sense. It makes no sense to try to make sense of nonsense. It is nonsensical. Gibberish is an honorable and ancient language with ancient rules. Deal with it.”

“That is all. You may go”

The Princess rose, steadily but quite slowly. The lady-in-waiting took the Princess’s arm again and escorted her from the Lesser Hall to Her Royal Chamber. The Princess was left there alone for the next hour and none will say whether sobbing could be heard through the stone walls, but all say that afterward there were no more complaints of the Princess being less than diligent in the study of Gibberish.

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