Enlightenment

Enlightenment

         There's this light bulb in this warehouse somewhere in Detroit. Ya know, the Motor City? But it's not called the Motor City anymore though, it's the Holy Motor City now. And people from all over the world flock to this warehouse, this mecca, like a pilgrimage. It's in this one room in the abandoned warehouse, this room with paint chipped walls and an asbestos ceiling. There's nothing in the room, just this one light bulb, always on, swaying, glowing. People believe that if you touch this light bulb you can see God or get some kind of burst of creative energy or become enlightened in some way. Bono, that activist singer from U2, went to see the light bulb and came back and recorded his Grammy winning solo album, “AIDs and sunglasses.” And ya know what else? They brought this gorilla there, Chi Chi, and she touched the light and she painted an exact replica of the Mona Lisa. Both paintings were put on display and art enthusiasts and historians couldn't even tell the difference.
         Well, I went to see this holy light bulb. I walked in to the warehouse, nearly filled my lungs to the brim with asbestos. There were dusty white columns and flattened cardboard boxes covering the entire lobby floor. I guess they were trying to preserve the place the way it was, ya know, keep it holy, holy and dirty. So I walked through the main lobby and toward the mecca room.  There was this woman I passed right outside the door. She looked like she was having a seizure, she looked like one of those Sunday mass super Christians who had just gotten palmed on the forehead by Jerry Falwell. Some guy was with her helping her walk and fanning her fat, red face. Once she was gone, I opened the door and went in the room. There was a light haze of dust in the air from the shuffled feet of pilgrims before me. The dust settled and I could see it hanging there. Didn't look like anything special, just bright as hell, or maybe it just seemed that way because there were no other lights in the rest of the warehouse. I took two steps into the light and I could feel this energy coming off of it.
         The bulb was still swaying. I walked closer. A dull pulse was beating behind my eyes and I felt this tightening in the base of my skull. Certainly felt like something super-natural was going on. So I kept getting closer. I smelled mold and electrical burning and I could hear this very faint hum coming from the bulb. Who would have thought this normal looking bulb hanging from an orange extension socket on the ceiling of some warehouse in Detroit could be so special?
          I could hear some people talking in the other room so I knew I had to hurry up. So then there I was; face to face with the holy light bulb, ready to change my life. I stretched my right arm out, took a deep breath, and braced myself for enlightenment. I closed my eyes and grabbed the bulb and....and....and it burnt my fucking fingers.