Karma

Karma…
A scary word for most, but for those of you that know the real meaning, you know it’s a way of life. A rite of passage of sorts. A technical definition would be that the effects of a person’s actions determine your future destiny. Do good get good. Do bad, well… get worse. That’s how it works. Now learning to live this way is challenging but once you get the hang of it and see the rewards, you’ll never go back. I’ve made this my religion of sorts lately. I try every day to think of how my actions affect those around me, including people I don’t even know. That’s a hard one, but I truly believe that with every action there is an effect. And you truly never know what those effects might be. Something as simple as letting someone at the grocery store go in front of you just might prevent them from hurrying home and ending up in a fatal car accident. These are the things that go through my mind sometimes. Now I can’t say that I don’t have moments where I have the uncontrollable urge to rear-end the person in front of me in the left turn lane that just won’t go through the yellow light… but these are impulses that eventually pass. The best part is when I apply this belief to the people in my life that are closest to me. The rewards that come in return are enormous, and way too many to count. Most every time it won’t come back from the initial person, but it does come back. And at a time when you least expect it.
I’ve had more bad karma over the past year than I thought I could bear. But recently I’ve received some positive return that I never expected. And the crazy part is it happened the moment I decided to just totally give up on everything and everyone, especially love. I had my heart ripped out of my chest and I honestly thought that I would never heal. That I was simply unlovable and that I didn’t deserve any better than what I was getting, which was one sided unbridled love. Well I was totally wrong. I have connected with a man that makes me feel things I haven’t felt in years, and also brings out things within myself that I didn’t even know were there. I was really scared at first to even let myself feel anything, but have made the decision that if I don’t take the chance and just go for it, that I will miss out again and curse myself to never feel love or happiness. I know that there is a chance that I could get seriously hurt again, but there is also the chance that this could be something that has the potential to be better than I could possibly imagine. I’ve had it before and I want it again. I am truly happy right now with him, and the craziest part of it is that I am totally myself when were together. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone but who I really am and he’s ok with that. He’s seen sides of me that I haven’t shown anyone else and isn’t scared off by them. I’ve completely fallen for him, and I can feel the same from him which is the best part. Only time will tell how all this will work out but however it does I’m going to enjoy every moment, savor each time he makes me feel beautiful, remember every time he gives me goose bumps on every inch of my body, and feel the intenseness of my heart calling for his touch. Thank you babe for everything you’ve done, everything you’ve made me feel, and everything you haven’t even done yet because I know that once it happens I will love it.